First Love
by Lord Thibault
Summary: Neris is a young Guild servant who looks after the older novices. Lorlen soon becomes a friend, but she is drawn to the dark and mysterious Akkarin. This is the story of first love, exciting, wonderful and ultimately hopeless  This story is now complete.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Prologue**

Neris glanced at herself in the large mirror in the main corridor. She smoothed the silver-grey of her skirts and made sure that her dark grey apron was without a crease. It was not every day that a delegation of the highest magicians in the Guild came to Clunitan, a smallish village, clinging rather desperately to the hillside at the foot of the Grey Mountains, mid-way between Windrest and the Northern Fort. It was about as far away as you could get from Imardin and still be in Kyralia. _Still, I suppose that's why I was sent here_, she thought, resentment still colouring her thoughts so many years after her reluctant arrival.

She looked again at her reflection. It showed a neatly attired Guild housekeeper, with an oval face and smooth, light brown hair parted in the middle and pinned tidily back in a bun. Her eyes were a curious shade, not exactly blue, nor precisely grey either. In her youth, they had often seemed a different colour depending on what she wore and she had taken great pleasure in choosing just the right colour to set them off. Now, however, she mostly wore shades of grey, so their blueness was dimmed. She adjusted the collar of her white shirt, so that her necklace was hidden. There were rules about wearing jewellery, but she had always worn the chain with its gold pendant since being given it and had no intention of stopping now, just because an important visitor from the capital might inspect her.

"Well, here I am," she said softly, "All dressed up in my best uniform, ready to meet….." She paused for a moment, "….ready to meet…the important magicians from the Guild. Housekeeper Neris, of the Community of Magicians of Clunitan, at your service!"

She made a mock curtsey to herself in the mirror and was pleased to note that she had the depth and angle just right.

"My magicians will have no need to worry I'll disgrace them!"

"Neris? Neris, where are you? It's almost time!" a voice called from downstairs.

"I'm coming!" she called and took one last glance in the mirror before hurrying down to the entrance hall where her anxious little team were waiting.

There was a lot of activity around the main door. The hall was neither big nor impressive and the fact that there were several people milling around in it made it appear even smaller than usual. Luckily, the magicians had not yet made an appearance, so Neris had an opportunity to organise the servants into something resembling an ordered group.

She had decided that trying to organise the domestic staff into anything which might be construed as rank would create more problems than it solved. After all, how did anyone decide whether a cook was more important than the stablemaster, or whether the younger, indoor servants were of a higher status than the older, outdoor servants? So, once notice of the visit had been given, Neris had decided that the staff would be arranged in order of height, regardless of any notion of importance. There had been a few grumbles at first, but eventually she had won them over.

She chided them into position and stood back to regard the picture they made and nodded, pleased with the outcome.

"Good, that looks very smart." She looked more closely at the younger ones, "Stand up straight, Verat, there's a good girl. No slouching today! I don't have to remind you all that this is a most important occasion, the first time we have had such high ranking visitors from the Guild and we want to do our magicians justice and show just how efficient we country servants can be."

"But why are they coming to Clunitan, Neris?" Verat asked, screwing up her face, "There's nothing much here, after all!"

Neris reminded herself that Verat was only twelve and very new to her position as a kitchen maid, and smiled, rather than glared, at the girl, "You heard what Lord Tommen said when the message arrived. The High Lord has ordered that as many people as possible should be tested to see if they have magic, so groups of Higher Magicians are travelling to remote parts of the Kingdom to carry out the tests. The High Lord himself, along with the Administrator and other very important magicians, are visiting some of the places to see the tests carried out for themselves. We were chosen for this honour because we are a remote community…."

"Will we be tested too?" interrupted one of the grooms.

She glared at him, "How would I know what the High Lord intends to do? All I know is that he is coming here, he will stay a day or two, then he will go somewhere else. And the sooner he goes somewhere else, the sooner we can all get back to normal!"

Someone laughed and said that Neris would soon deal with the High Lord if he started to be a nuisance, and the rest of the group joined in the guffaws which followed this statement.

It was at this moment that Lord Tommen, the Magician-in-Charge of the Community chose to make his appearance. He was the oldest magician living at Clunitan, a Healer by discipline who had chosen to work in this remote village as soon as he had graduated from the Guild. He had married a local girl, many years dead now along with their child, but he had never expressed any interest in moving on. He was a gentle man and had done much to ease Neris's grief when she had first arrived.

"Now, now, what's going on here, Neris?" he asked, a twinkle in his faded brown eyes. "Haven't you managed to organise them yet?"

Neris dipped in a servant's quick bob, a cross between a formal bow and a curtsy, and smiled at him, "All is well, Lord Tommen. We were just trying to relax a little, before our important guests arrive."

One by one, the other magicians began to assemble. In addition to Tommen, there was another Healer, Lady Marigold, and an Alchemist, Lord Stepan and three Warriors, Lords Makon, Igrond and Marceny. All were dressed in their best robes and they had evidently taken a lot of trouble over their appearance. Neris smiled to herself when she saw that Lady Marigold had managed to get her usually riotous brown curls under control with the help of a fine net and some pins.

Tommen fussed around them for a few minutes, then ushered the magicians outside to form the official greeting party. The domestic staff remained inside and Neris found herself moving back into the shadows, as if she would disappear from the hall.

_This is so silly_, she thought furiously, _It will all be over soon and I can go back to my routine._

Standing at the back, she felt herself grow cold and her throat become dry. She could feel the beating of her heart, much louder than usual. She wiped her sweaty hands down the sides of her skirt, hoping it wouldn't leave a mark_. How much longer?_

Tommen reappeared in the doorway, "I can see the horses just entering the far end of the lane," he announced, then paused. "Neris, where are you? You are the Housekeeper! You should be here, right by the door, so you can introduce the staff!"

She forced herself to move to where Tommen indicated, a prominent position which could not be overlooked by anyone entering the building. She knew it was no use arguing, Tommen would simply tell her not to be so silly, so she gave in with good grace, smiling at him reassuringly.

He patted her on the shoulder, "Good girl, Neris. I know I can rely on you to do things right."

So they were all in position, the younger servants, craning their necks to try to see what was happening outside, the older ones trying to be nonchalant, but curious all the same. Neris could hear the sounds of horses coming closer at a steady pace. _It won't be long now_, she thought as her throat became even drier. She reached into a pocket and took out the small sweet she'd had the foresight to bring for an occasion such as this. She would have to name the staff when she presented them, and it wouldn't do to have her voice fail. She slipped it into her mouth, relishing the sudden rush of saliva with its moistening effect.

The sound of the horses reached a crescendo then ceased, as the party arrived. She could hear the noise of people dismounting and exchanging words with the magicians outside. She could even hear Lady Marigold's laughter, carried on the breeze. She stared down at the patch of sunlight which streamed in through the open doorway and watched the shadows race across it as people moved towards the building.

"The High Lord Akkarin, of family Delvon, House Velan," announced Lord Tommen formally, "Together with Administrator Lorlen and Lady Sonea."

Neris kept her eyes on the sunlight, so the first thing she saw of him was the heavy black silk of his formal robes and the glimpse of a highly polished black leather boot.

"May I present my Housekeeper, Neris?" She head Tommen's voice as if it came from a long way away.

She began to look up, eyes following the flowing blackness of the silk, up and up. How had she forgotten just how tall he was? Up and still up until she could see the beginnings of pale skin, made even paler by the darkness which enclosed it.

At last, her eyes reached his face and seventeen years vanished in a instant as she saw again the pale, flawless oval of his face, the chiselled lips with their crooked smile, the long straight nose and the large, bottomless black eyes smiling at her as he said gently, "Neris?".

"Yes, Lord Akkarin…" her voice died away as she sank into a deep formal curtsy.

She heard him say to Tommen, "But Neris and I are old friends…" and felt him take her hand to raise her up. Her hand trembled slightly and she felt his long, elegant fingers close over hers firmly to support her as she rose. He kept hold of her hand and bowing slightly, much to her surprise, he kissed the back of it. She head a sharp intake of breath from Tommen but the High Lord seemed to have noticed nothing.

He turned and spoke to someone behind him, "Lorlen, come and see who's here! It's Neris, our faithful servant from the Guild!"

She was suddenly confronted by a familiar figure, dressed in blue robes, who seized her around the waist and swung her around, calling out her name just like he used to do when he was a novice, "Neris, Neris, it's so good to see you again! And so elegant in your Housekeeper's uniform!" Lorlen's merry green eyes smiled into hers and he gave her two hearty kisses, one on each cheek, much to the astonishment of the other servants.

The High Lord turned to Tommen and smiled disarmingly, "You'll have to forgive us, Lord Tommen, but we haven't seen Neris for many years. She looked after us when we were novices and saw we were always well turned out and our rooms were kept tidy."

Neris stared at the High Lord's face. She knew that magicians aged much more slowly than ordinary people, but it was hard to realise that he was seventeen years older than the last time she'd seen him. She would have sworn any sort of oath that he hadn't changed at all. It was still the face which haunted her dreams, the face that she kept in her heart, the face of the man she loved.

She was conscious of a third person partially hidden behind Lorlen, so she wasn't completely surprised when Akkarin said, "Sonea, come here, there's someone you must meet." He turned to Neris and said gently, "This is Lady Sonea, my wife."

Neris looked at her curiously. She had heard many tales of the Warrior who had been the High Lord's Novice, and then his wife. Lady Sonea was smaller than she'd expected, but rather pretty, with the typical dark hair and eyes of a Kyralian. She was dressed in the deep red robes of a Warrior and Neris had to confess that they suited her, certainly much better than they suited the ginger-haired Lord Igrond!

"Pleased to meet you, Neris."

Her voice was low and musical and she seemed genuinely pleased to be introduced to a servant by her husband. _Not many high-ranking magicians would have appeared so pleased_, Neris thought, then she remembered that the high-ranking Lady Sonea had been born a dwell, a person of the lowest social class.

"Perhaps you would present the staff to the High Lord," Tommen reminded her.

She felt the colour blossom in her cheeks as she introduced each one. The High Lord and Administrator acknowledged the bows and bobs of the group and then as suddenly as they had arrived, they vanished from the hall into the house's guest room, where, Neris knew, refreshments were waiting. She had organised two of the other servants to serve the food and drink, so that she wouldn't have to. It would be more than she could bear to be so close to him but without the opportunity to have a private word.

She escaped the teasing questions of her team, who were surprised that the High Lord himself knew their Housekeeper, and sought the solitude of her own room. It was at the top of the house, hot in summer and cold in winter, but it was her own space and she had been able to organise it exactly how she liked it. She shut and locked the door and sank down on the bed.

_Seventeen years of controlling how I feel and locking up my memories overturned in a moment_, she thought miserably. _One glimpse of his face, a kind word and a kiss on a hand and I am lost again._

She could feel the tears start as she thought back to what had happened all those years ago, when she had been young.


	2. Assignment

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Assignment**

Neris couldn't quite hide her excitement. Today was her fifteenth birthday and with it came the end of her apprenticeship as a Guild Servant. Today, she would find out what her assignment would be for the next few years and she couldn't wait.

Neris's family had been Guild Servants for hundreds of years and she was the seventh generation to serve Guild magicians in Imardin itself. All her life she had been told what an honour it was to be part of such a wise and important organisation as the Guild and how proud she should be of her part in seeing that the domestic side of the Guild functioned as it should, so that the magicians were free to use their powers to help Kyralia remain safe and powerful.

Her mother, Floretta, was always telling her how lucky she was and that she would never want for anything as long as she worked as hard as she could for the magicians. Floretta certainly led by example. She was in charge of a team of domestic servants who worked in the Banqueting Hall. It was a particularly important post because the magicians were always holding banquets for various distinguished visitors and it was essential that everything worked smoothly to see that the guests were well looked after. It was hard work and involved her in long hours, but Floretta never complained. It was her fervent hope that one day, Neris would take over from her.

When Neris's father had been alive, he, too, had held a senior post as the Guild's Head Gardener. Her parents' jobs meant they lived in one of the better servants' quarters, with a little more space and better quality furniture. Neris and her older brother, Jervan, had had a few extras such as books and toys when they were young because their parents were better paid than many other servants. By Guild Servant standards, Neris and her family were of higher status and it had been drummed into her that she must always strive to show her appreciation of that higher position by working harder than the other apprentices.

She sighed to herself. _I certainly had to work very hard, or I felt the weight of mother's hand often enough_, she thought. Every slight criticism of her work from any of her supervisors led to an uncomfortable discussion with Floretta. Before she learned how to reach her mother's high standards, she'd had plenty of whippings to remind her.

_It was always so unfair! Mother didn't beat Jervan, even when he made mistakes!_

She had said so, once, to her mother. Floretta had simply stared at her in amazement, "Jervan's a young man," she'd said. "Girls have to work harder, work longer and be better at everything they do. They have to get a reputation for dedication and the highest standards. How else will they find a good husband?"

Neris couldn't think of an answer to that, so she'd simply nodded as if she agreed. Inwardly, she thought it a pretty poor state of affairs if men were only interested in women who worked so long and hard that they wore themselves out by the time they were thirty. Floretta certainly looked older than her years and was frequently very tired.

The system she'd grown up in had been hard, but in many respects, a fair one. She, like Jervan had gone to the servants' school for three years to learn to read, write and use numbers. It was important that Guild Servants had these skills, so they could be of real use to their magicians in a variety of situations. Once she had reached the age of ten, she had entered her five-year apprenticeship. She had followed the traditional path for a domestic servant. Like everyone, she had started in the kitchens, cleaning pots and preparing vegetables, then she had spent time in the washhouse, learning the finer aspects of laundry. She had worked with her mother for several months, learning what was involved in organising a banquet, afterwards returning to the kitchens to learn how to cook. After that, she had worked as a cleaner in the University. That work was hard because it had to take place when the students weren't there, so it was early mornings and late nights, with a gap in the middle of the day to catch up on sleep. She hadn't like that assignment at all!

Her favourite had been working in the Healers' Quarters where she had had a whole floor of rooms to keep clean and tidy. It wasn't just furniture and floors she'd had to clean, but the strange pieces of equipment they used and the pots and pans they used to store their potions. The Healers were the most approachable of the magicians she'd worked for and they had made quite a pet of her. She'd been sorry to leave, but the training programme she followed was relentless, no time for sentiment. You did your assignment, then you moved on and that was that.

_And now it's all over! Where will they send me? I hope it's back to the Healers!_

"Neris, are you ready, girl? You've been lingering in your room for ages. Come here at once!"

Floretta didn't sound very happy, but nothing could dim Neris's excitement. She finished doing up her apprentice's clothing – _for the last time! _- then went to find her mother. Floretta was pacing up and down, but she stopped when her daughter appeared, and cast a critical eye over her. With a sharp command to tidy her hair and make sure her apron was straight, she inspected Neris from top to toe. At last she was satisfied.

"Come along, we have to be outside Mistress Harban's office in a few minutes." Floretta impatiently grabbed Neris's arm and began moving towards the door.

"If you have a good report from your supervisors, Mistress Harban will be sure to have a good job ready for you," Floretta said, rather unnecessarily because Neris was fully aware of what was going happen.

"I wish I knew what she was going to say…" her mother's voice faded away and she looked worried.

Neris knew how desperately her mother wanted her be successful. Jervan had proved to be something of a disappointment as he had not done so well in his last eighteen months as an apprentice, with complaints about poor time-keeping and sloppy work. The result of that was he was sent away to work in a Healer's house in a village some distance from Imardin, as a general servant, responsible for looking after the Healer's horse, his garden and repairing his house. Floretta knew he could be there for several years and that would prevent him from ever holding an important post at the Guild. He was more likely to be sent to another village once his time was up at his current place.

_Poor Jervan_, Neris thought, _So far away from the noisy little inns where he used to go with his friends for evenings of drinking and gambling! At least mother never knew what he really got up to._

They reached Mistress Harban's office with a minute or two to spare and they were soon ushered in. Mistress Harban, a, white-haired old woman, didn't look up as they entered, but continued to read through the papers on her desk. She was almost a legend as far as the apprentices were concerned, as she'd been in charge of apprenticeship training for decades, but they rarely saw her. She was rather like a spider at the centre of a large web, pulling strings to make apprentices jump.

At last she finished reading, and carefully regarded her two visitors.

"Well, Floretta, here we are, Neris's fifteenth birthday at last. It doesn't seem that long since I was sending her to the kitchens for her first bit of training." She smiled at Neris. "You coped with that and everything else you had to do over the years. You've been a good apprentice and I sense your mother's hand in that! I remember how hard Floretta worked when she was young and you've been just like her."

Neris felt, rather than saw, her mother swell with pride, "Thank you Mistress Harban. I've certainly tried my hardest to make Neris the best apprentice. After all, she comes from a long line of Guild Servants so she has a lot to live up to."

There was some more pleasantries exchanged between Mistress Harban and Floretta, but Neris wasn't listening. She was so close now to knowing where she would be sent for the next few years that she simply couldn't concentrate on anything else. At last, the conversation came to a stop and Neris looked up as she heard the rustling of papers to find Mistress Harban regarding her warmly.

"As I said to your mother, you have been an exemplary apprentice and it is obvious that you have a rewarding career ahead of you in the Guild. I am sure if you continue to work hard, as you have been doing, you could one day be Head Housekeeper at the Residence itself!"

Neris heard a sharp intake of breath from her mother and knew that she was both surprised and pleased. To work for the High Lord himself at his Residence was the most sought after job a Guild Servant could hope for.

"But," continued Mistress Harban, "That's a long way off and you have to start somewhere. I have considered your skills carefully and I have decided that you will work in the Novices' Quarters. It's very good training and will lead to you becoming a personal servant to a magician in a few years when you will be expected to run his household and look after him and his family. In the Novices' Quarters, you will have four novices to look after, so it will be hard work, but interesting, I think."

Neris felt she should say something, but her brain was still whirling. It wasn't with the Healers as she'd hoped, but working in close contact with young magicians was a very good place to start. They would be nearer her own age, for a start and she might get to know some of them quite well, which would be useful in the years ahead.

Mistress Harban waited a little, but as it was obvious that Neris wasn't going to speak, she carried on, "Because you have such good reports, I have allocated you to some final year novices, they will be working hard for their most important examinations, so you shouldn't have much trouble with them. Just see that everything they want or need from you is there for them when they want it and everything will be fine."

"Thank you so much, Mistress Harban," she was finally able to get her words out. "It sounds a really interesting assignment. When will I start?"

"Why, tomorrow, of course!" Mistress Harban sounded surprised that she'd even asked. "There's always a lot of work to do, so we can't afford to have servants sitting around being idle!" She pointed to a bundle and said, "That's your new clothing. There's two of everything and you are expected to look after them and keep them clean and mended. You won't get another set for at least a year, so be careful."

After that, there was nothing more to say. Mistress Harban handed her a note for the Housekeeper of the Novice's Quarters, with a gruff reminder not to be late. "The novices' servants start work at first light, so you need to arrive half-an-hour before then to get your instructions."

All the way back to their home, Neris was conscious of Floretta chattering away, giving her daughter the benefit of her years of experience and passing on bits of information she thought would come in handy. However, Neris wasn't really listening. She was too full of happiness. _It's really a good assignment_, she thought. _I'm a proper Guild Servant now. I will earn some money and will be able to have half a day a week to myself! And best of all, I won't have to give a detailed weekly report to Floretta about my training!_

_It's all over and I passed!_


	3. Mistress Mina

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Mistress Mina**

Neris was deeply asleep when Floretta shook her briskly.

"Come along, it's time!" she said loudly.

Neris stumbled out of bed, it was still very dark and the early morning air was chilly. Her mother had put a small jug of warm water next to her basin, so she quickly washed and reached for her new clothes. The shirt and skirt were the usual dull fawn which all ordinary domestic servants wore, but the colour of the apron varied according to where a Guild Servant worked. As Neris was attached to the Novices' Quarters, her apron was the same brown as novices' robes.

She looked at it critically. It wasn't a very exciting colour, not like the bright green the Healers' servants wore, or the red or purple ones Warriors' and Alchemists' servants used, but at least it marked her out as a proper servant and not the apprentice she had been.

_It's strange_, she thought, _How important these little differences are to servants. _There was often a lot of competition among the servants as to who had the best job or worked for the best magicians. Just as the magicians themselves were conscious of their own status both as members of the Houses, as well as practitioners of magic, so were servants. There was a very strong sense of hierarchy and the jobs given to newly qualified servants were closely watched. Her mother would have been mortified, if Neris had been sent to work in the washhouse for example, especially coming after Jervan's disgrace.

She tied the apron carefully, making sure it was central and level. It would not do to arrive for her first morning looking untidy. _As if there'd be any chance of that with Floretta checking me over first, _she thought in amusement. Next she put on her stockings and shoes. The shoes were new and rather tight but she hoped they would soon be more comfortable. Her hair was tucked up in its usual bun and she ran her hands over it to ensure there were no loose strands.

She could hear her mother moving around rather noisily downstairs, a sure sign she was getting anxious, so Neris hurried down to where she was clattering the breakfast things. Neris wasn't very hungry, but it would be a long time until the mid-day meal, so she drank the bitter tea and ate a slice of bread and honey.

Floretta had been watching her closely during breakfast, but unusually, she said nothing for which Neris was very grateful. She loved and respected her mother, as a good Kyralian should, but she did find the constant questions and comments about her appearance or behaviour rather wearying. _I'm a proper servant now_, _not a child_, she thought. _I should decide about things and not mother._

Floretta offered to go with her to the Novices' Quarters, but Neris managed to persuade her that she'd be better alone. She collected her cloak and set off. It was very dark as the Eye had almost set and there were few stars visible. It was cold, too, and Neris pulled her cloak and hood tightly about her. Usually she enjoyed the long walk from the servants' quarters to the main Guild buildings, but it really was much too chilly to linger.

As she neared the end of her journey, she could see the lights of the Novices' Quarters directly ahead. It was a rather large building, able to accommodate hundreds of novices. Although, nowadays, it was rarely full, Neris knew that for periods in the past, there had been very little in the way of spare room. Strangely, it was the one place in the entire Guild where she had not worked during her training, so she was unfamiliar with its layout. All she knew was that the male and female novices were housed in accommodation separate from each other.

Neris walked though the impressive carved wooden doors and looked around for the office where the Housekeeper worked. She saw it almost immediately, tucked away in a corner of the entrance hall. She walked over and knocked timidly. There was no response, so she knocked again, a little louder this time and was rewarded by a voice telling her to come in.

She pushed open the door and found herself in a cheerful little room, with a brightly coloured carpet and matching cushions scattered around a number of small chairs. In the hearth, a fire was burning brightly, its flickering flames casting darting little shadows across the walls and floor. Mistress Mina, the Novices' Housekeeper was sitting behind a small wooden desk. Neris hadn't met her before, but at first glance she seemed friendly and approachable.

"Good morning, Neris," Mistress Mina said. "I'm glad to see you're are on time. Do you have the note from Mistress Harban?"

Neris held it out. Mistress Mina took it, opening it carefully so the seal didn't splinter, and studied its contents. The room was silent with only an occasional hiss from the fire to disturb the peace. As Neris watched, Mistress Mina reread the note, then reached over to a large ledger, which she opened, and flicked through a few pages. She ran her finger down a page and frowned slightly. She read the note again and her frown deepened. By this time, Neris was very conscious of the way her left shoe pinched her toes and would have given anything to sit down, but no invitation to do so was forthcoming.

At last, Mistress Mina looked up. "Well, Neris, you seem to have made quite an impression on Mistress Harban. It is not often she sends such young servants to work with the novices. Most of the servants here are either very young apprentices who are carefully supervised, or older women. But you are only 15, just out of your apprenticeship….." She paused and went back to looking at the ledger.

Neris carefully shifted her weight to relieve her left foot. _I can't see what my age has to do with anything_, she thought crossly. _If Mistress Harban says it's all right, what's the problem?_

As if reading her thoughts, Mistress Mina said coldly, "Mistress Harban has specifically asked that you work with final year male novices! This is unprecedented! It is usually left to me to decide where my servants work."

The Housekeeper sounded quite put out and Neris felt her heart quail within her. She really didn't want to start out on the wrong foot with the person who was to supervise her work for the next few years. Mistress Mina continued to examine her ledger closely, turning pages and running her finger down a column of names. Finally, she seemed to find what she was looking for and took up a pen from a tray and carefully dipped it in an inkpot. She entered something, blotted the page and snapped the ledger shut.

"Mistress Harban obviously has a plan for your future, because she is most insistent that you work with final year novices. It is not for me to question her actions."

Mistress Mina didn't sound very happy, but she made an effort to smile at Neris. "I have four novices whose servant has been ill for a while now. They have been sharing a servant with several others which is not really satisfactory. If you take over their care, that will solve two problems at once."

"Thank you, Mistress Mina," Neris said gratefully.

"I see from your record that you haven't worked in the Novices' Quarters before, so there are a few things I need to make sure you understand." Mistress Mina's voice seemed a littler warmer as she smiled at her new recruit. "It's very important that you don't allow yourself to be charmed into letting the novices break any rules! Some of them are quite mischievous and will try to persuade you to do all sorts of things for them which are not allowed. Under no circumstances are you to ask them to show you any magic. Some of them like to show off, but they are only allowed to use magic under strict conditions laid down by their teachers."

"I understand," Neris said quickly. "I have learned Guild rules."

"I'm sure you have, but I don't want you to say to me later that you had forgotten that bit! Now, I suppose you are wondering exactly what you have to do. Well, your job here is to look after your four novices. You are to clean their rooms and make sure they are kept tidy. You will also clean the corridor immediately outside their rooms too. Final year novices sometimes choose not to go to the Dining Hall for breakfast, so if they wish, you will make breakfast for them and take it to their rooms. There is a servants' room on every floor where you can prepare light refreshments and so on. You will have a place there to leave your cloak and keep your cleaning materials. You may be given small errands to run for them, fetch and carry, that sort of thing, but only within the Guild grounds. You are not to go into the city. In addition, you are responsible for their laundry, so you will ensure their robes are cleaned regularly. This may be quite difficult because some of them will tell you that they can do that by magic, but they are not allowed to use magic for that purpose. You must make sure they don't."

_And how am I supposed to stop magicians doing anything they want?_ Neris wondered. _I'm only a servant!_

"It doesn't sound much, but it can be very hard work. You'll be surprised at just how untidy young magicians can be! But Mistress Harban seems to think you can cope with hard work. You will be paid five silvers a week, but the Guild will take three of them to pay for your food, lodgings and uniforms, so you will have two silvers for yourself. You are also entitled to some free time each week. You will have an afternoon free each week which you will take on the novices' Freeday. Don't ask for any more free time or to change your day. If you can't take your free time for any reason, you will lose it. If you need to be disciplined for any reason, you will lose your free time. Now, do you have any questions?"

Neris's mood had slowly changed from being rather cheerful and looking forward to starting work, to one where she felt rather overwhelmed by everything. She was beginning to think that perhaps Mistress Mina was right and that working with final year male novices was not the right sort of job for her. However, she knew she couldn't argue with what had been decided. It was not a Guild Servant's place to complain about where she was sent or the tasks she was told to perform.

She smiled brightly at the Housekeeper and said, "No, Mistress Mina. You have explained things very well."

"Good, good. Now, the novices will have gone off to the baths and then breakfast, so I'll take you up and show you which rooms you will be responsible for."

As she followed the Housekeeper out into the hall and up the stairs, Neris took the opportunity to look around. The sooner she learned where things were, the better. She didn't think it would create a good impression to be constantly asking for help.

On the first landing, the staircase split into two. Mistress Mina explained that the left-hand side of the building was reserved for female novices and the right-hand side for males.

"Novices are not allowed in the "other side" of the building." Mistress Mina explained. "There is a large recreation room on the ground floor which both males and females can use, but that is the only part of the building where they are allowed to be together."

She pushed open the door which led to the male quarters, "Novices are generally allocated a floor according to their year-group, so the final year students are on the top floor. You will soon get fit running up and down the staircase twenty times a day!"

Neris groaned inwardly. If her shoes didn't wear in quickly, she would have very sore feet very soon. By the time they reached their destination, Neris was quite out of breath. To her surprise, the Housekeeper was breathing quite normally, as if she had just strolled in the gardens.

They found themselves in a wide corridor, with doors regularly spaced on both sides. They walked quickly along until they reached the last four rooms, two on each side. Neris noticed that beside each door was a small white oblong, with the name of the occupant written neatly on it.

"On this side, we have two Elyne novices, Lord Koben and Lord Evren. They are cousins and spend a lot of time working together. You probably won't see much of them as they like to keep apart from others. On this side we have Lord Lorlen and Lord Akkarin. They are friends and are often in each other's rooms. I expect you'll see quite a lot of them! Now, here are your keys."

Mistress Mina gave Neris a ring with five keys attached. "The fifth key is to the servants' room which I'll show you in a minute. Before entering a novice's room, you must knock and wait. If you hear nothing, you may enter. Of course, you will also enter if a novice calls to you. Sometimes you may find the keys won't work. That's because the novice has set a magical lock to prevent anyone from disturbing him or something he has set up like an experiment. In that case, you must leave and return later."

By now, Neris felt her head beginning to whirl. There seemed to be so many little rules and requirements to learn and she wished she had somewhere to write them all down, but she could imagine what Mistress Mina would say if she'd asked for time to take notes.

She became aware that the Housekeeper had opened one of the rooms and was waiting for Neris to go in. She found herself in a comfortably sized room, with a large window. Beneath the window was a desk and chair. On one side of the desk there were shelves, full of books and parchments. On the other was a bed with a side table. Neris was surprised to find that almost every surface in the room was covered with things, books, papers, dirty robes, strange looking objects and boxes of every size.

Mistress Mina noticed her surprised and laughed, "You'll get used to the mess! It's up to you to keep it tidy. All the rooms are the same, but you will find some novices have a few personal things scattered around to remind them of home. You must be very careful with things like that. The Guild can replace its own things, but not personal objects. Incidentally, I'm sure you know you'll have to pay for things you break or damage?"

"Yes, Mistress Mina," Neris replied. It was one of the things stressed during her apprenticeship. 'The Guild kindly provided a whole range of things to make life comfortable and it was the duty of Guild Servants to look after them.' She could quote exactly from the Guild Rules.

"Come, we'll go to the servants' room and get your things then you can start."

The Housekeeper ushered her outside and locked the door, then set off at a fast pace, so that Neris almost had to run to keep up. They arrived at the other end of the corridor, near to the stairs and Mistress Mina pointed to a door.

"This is it. It's normally kept locked to discourage any mischief."

She unlocked it and they went in. Neris was surprised to find it was much bigger than the novices' rooms. Along one side, there was a sink and a food preparation area. On the other side, there was a row of pegs, with a shelf above and a cupboard below each one.

"Here, this is your peg," the Housekeeper said pointing at an empty one. "You can hang up your cloak. The shelf is for anything you might bring with you, some extra food perhaps. The cupboard is for storing your cleaning equipment."

Neris took off her cloak and hung it on the peg. She bent down and opened the cupboard and took out a bucket filled with a variety of brushes and cloths.

She was very familiar with all of them so it was like seeing old friends.

"Well, I'll leave you to get on with it," Mistress Mina said. "You can stop for a mid-day meal. There will be some food for you in here and you may eat what you like. Any questions?"

"When will I meet my novices?" Neris asked.

A look of surprise appeared on the Housekeeper's face, "Meet your novices? It's not a social event young woman! You are here to work not make conversation. You will no doubt see your novices regularly, but they will be too busy to notice you most of the time. They'll talk to you when they want something, but other than that, you are to simply get on with your work and not bother them."

Neris felt the hot colour flood her cheeks. What had she been thinking of? Something she had read during her training came to mind. 'Servants are a hidden presence. Their job is to work unobtrusively to support the work of magicians.'

"Yes, of course, Mistress Mina," she said contritely. "I'll make a start cleaning the rooms while the novices are out."

The Housekeeper nodded, "Good, I'll come up later on and check how you're getting on. I'd like you to have the rooms cleaned by mid-day. Then you can deal with the laundry this afternoon."

She went off as briskly as she had arrived, leaving Neris to collect her cleaning materials and make her way down to her four rooms.

_At last_, she thought, _I'm ready to start!_


	4. Neris's Novices

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Neris's Novices**

"Now which one shall I do first?" Neris looked at the four doors. She took great pleasure in the fact that there was no one to TELL her which door to open first. She was in charge of her own work, for the first time in all her years in the Guild, and it made her feel very proud.

She studied the names, Lorlen, Akkarin, Koben and Evren. She had never heard them before and she didn't really have a preference for one more than another. _If I had met any of them, it might have made a difference, but as I haven't… _In the end, she used a counting game she'd learned as a child and arrived at Evren. She unlocked his door and went inside.

The room was untidy, but not quite as bad as the one Mistress Mina had showed her earlier. She spent a few minutes picking up scattered clothing and sorted it into two piles, dirty and clean. The clean clothing she put away in the large wardrobe. It was already rather full with lots of multicoloured garments quite unlike any she had seen before.

_Must be from Elyne_, she thought. _I wonder when he has time to wear them._

Once the clothing was out of the way, it didn't take long to brush the carpet and rugs and plump up the cushions. She dusted the bookshelves, deciding against taking each book out to dust this time. She looked at the desk. It was covered with pages of notes and she didn't like to disturb them, so she left them alone.

She spent a few more minutes cleaning various bits of furniture, then stopped to have a look round. Lord Evren didn't have much in the way of personal objects, just a painting propped up against the wall, and a peculiar shaped vase with a few dried flowers in it. Neris stared at the painting. It showed a building, with some people sitting outside. She wondered if these were Lord Evren's family and if he were in the painting._ I shall have to wait until I see him to decide_, she thought.

She gathered her cleaning equipment together with the dirty clothing and turned to leave. _That's one done, three to go_. Outside, she used the counting game again, and this time it led her to Lord Akkarin's room. She let herself in.

To her surprise, this room was reasonably tidy. There was some clothing scattered on the bed, but the desk held only three neat piles of notes, a fresh sheet of paper and a tray of pens and ink. She checked the bookshelves. They and the books they contained were all free from dust. _Does he dust them?_ she wondered, _Or are they simply well used? _Another thought struck her, _Perhaps he uses magic to keep them clean!_

She tidied away the clean clothing. This wardrobe had few other clothes in it. Neris was surprised to find what looked like an ordinary warrior's outfit pushed at the back and wondered why a magician should have such a thing. She took the dirty robes and put them by the door, ready to take when she'd finished.

She brushed the carpet and rug and dusted the furniture. Lord Akkarin had quite a few personal possessions dotted around. There was a small painting of a seascape hanging over his bed. She examined it carefully. It was an attractive picture and she could understand someone wanting to spend time looking at the scene; it felt so calming to the nerves. There were some pretty brightly coloured ornaments grouped on a small chest. She idly wondered what sort of a man would have a warrior's outfit in his wardrobe, and a group of pottery ornaments in his room. She noticed, too, that he had some unusual boxes of various sizes. She picked one up. It was carved with a pattern of interlaced leaves and flowers and twinkling at the centre of each flower was a tiny jewel. It was the prettiest thing she'd ever seen. She put it down hurriedly. What if he came back and found her touching his personal things? She shivered. What if Mistress Mina had chosen that moment to check up on her?

She quickly finished the rest of her work, then, grabbing the dirty washing, she went into the corridor, locking the room behind her.

This time, she didn't bother about counting, she just went into the room next door. This was the one she'd seen earlier and a second visit confirmed her first impressions. The room was a complete mess, with things everywhere. She paused, wondering where to start and decided that most of the confusion was caused by items of clothing draped over furniture, scattered across the floor and littering the bed.

She started sorting through them and found most of them were dirty. She put away the few clean ones and piled the rest up by the door. Now that she'd dealt with them, she could see that the bed was unmade. She sighed, she hated making beds. Floretta was very, very particular, and had trained her daughter to make a bed just so, with every sheet and blanket fitting without a wrinkle, all the corners tucked neatly in and the bedcover draped just so. Now, Neris couldn't imagine making a bed in any other way, but she hated the time it took, with all the stretching and smoothing.

She took all the bedclothes off and started. She began to hum to herself and was soon engrossed in smoothing out the sheets and placing the pillows. She was putting the last blanket in place, when she heard the door open behind her. She started, sure that Mistress Mina had come to check, but as she turned, she saw it was a novice.

"I hope I didn't frighten you, I didn't know anyone was here," the young man said with a warm smile.

"No, it's just that I wasn't expecting anyone to come back," Neris managed, knowing that she was blushing, but unable to do anything about it.

"I'm Lorlen," he said with a grin, "But I guess you know that as my name is by the door!"

She dropped into a servant's bob, "Pleased to meet you, Lord Lorlen. I won't disturb you, I'll finish as soon as I can or would you rather I came back later?"

"Oh, I'm not stopping, I just came back to fetch some notes I need. What's your name, by the way?" Lorlen went over to his desk and began shuffling through the pages and pages of notes lying there.

"My name is Neris."

"I haven't seen you before," Lorlen said. "Where've you been hiding?"

Neris was conscious that Mistress Mina had stressed she was not to hold conversations with the novices, but she couldn't be rude and refuse to answer his questions. Besides, she rather liked Lorlen. He had a merry smile and the most unusual green eyes she had ever seen. He was friendly too, just as she'd imagined a young magician would be.

"Well, it's only my first day," she said shyly. "I've just passed my apprenticeship, and this is my first assignment. I'll be looking after you and the others from now on."

Lorlen gave her a sharp look, "Your first day, eh? Well I'm sorry you had to find my room in this state, but I've been very busy lately." He looked around, "I see you managed to clear up my clothes and even make the bed. Thank you, I'll try to be a bit tidier, but I warn you, I'm not very good at keeping things in their proper place!"

Neris smiled at him, "Oh, don't worry. It's my job to keep things clean and tidy. If you do it all, what shall I have left to do?"

He grinned at her, "Exactly. You're a girl after my own heart and so much prettier than our last servant. She must have been sixty if she were a day! Well, here are my notes, so I'll leave you in peace!"

And with that he was gone, as suddenly as he had come. She smiled to herself. Lord Lorlen seemed a very nice young man and if the rest of her novices were like him, she would be a happy servant. She finished the bed, cleared the floor, swept the carpet and dusted the furniture. It had taken quite a while, but at least the room was tidy again.

She dumped Lorlen's dirty clothing outside the door, and went into the last room. This belonged to the other Elyne novice, Lord Koben. He was the tidiest of the four. There was no scattered clothing or dusty books in his room. The furniture was clean and dust-free, as were the books and shelves. It was only a matter of moments to brush the carpet and rug and collect his dirty robes which he'd left in a neat pile in the corner.

She took each set of dirty clothing along to the servants' room and searched for some laundry bags. She put each bundle into a bag and carefully labelled it with the name of the owner. It would never do for her novices' laundry to be mixed up. She left the bags near her peg. That was the afternoon job.

She heard the sound of people in the building and realised that morning classes were over and the novices were bringing their boxes back to their rooms, before going to the dining hall for the mid-day meal. _I wonder if I might catch a glimpse of the other three_, she thought.

Neris grabbed a broom and went out into the corridor. After all, she was supposed to clean the corridor outside her four rooms. She went down to the end and began to slowly sweep the floor, keeping her eyes open for Lords Koben, Evren and Akkarin. There were a number of novices milling about the corridor, but the Elyne cousins were fairly easy to spot. They came walking up the corridor together chattering quietly. They were both of medium height, with pale hair and eyes. As they neared her, they glanced in her direction but immediately looked away, before going into their rooms.

_So, where's the fourth one?_ she thought. _Don't say he's not coming._

The Elyne cousins left their rooms and disappeared down the corridor. Gradually, the other novices went off for their meal and still Lord Akkarin had not come to leave his box. There was a limit to how much sweeping a servant could do at the end of a corridor, so Neris was almost ready to give up and go in search of her own meal. Then she heard the sound of hurrying footsteps on the landing and she looked up. Coming swiftly down the corridor was the tall, slim figure of a novice, carrying a large box in his hands. _This must be him!_ she thought.

He took only a moment to reach his door, unlock it and enter. She hadn't really had time to study his features because she couldn't really look at him directly. It was very rude to stare! She waited to see if she could catch another glimpse.

Lord Akkarin's door opened and he stood framed in it for a moment, before looking at her. "Are you our new servant?" he asked abruptly. When she nodded, he said, " Oh, good. It's much better to have our own than to have to share with the others." Then he was off down the corridor.

Neris stood staring after him. "Well!" she said to herself, "What a rude young man! He didn't even ask my name. As for the other two, they must have known who I was! Only Lord Lorlen seems nice. Still at least one of them is friendly!"

Just then, her stomach rumbled loudly, reminding her that it was time to eat. She picked up the broom and went back to the servants' room. The other servants were there already and they glanced at her curiously when she came in.

It was as Mistress Mina had said, the other servants were a lot older than Neris, some of them seeming to be very old. They nodded to her as she came in, but otherwise ignored her. She went over to the food area and found plates of savoury tarts, bread rolls and plenty of cheese. There were crocks of butter as well as a large jar of honey. She chose a selection together with a cup of tea. She went over to the table to join the others and sat quietly munching and listening to the gossip around the table.

Her thoughts kept returning to her novices. She had seen them all, and spoken to one. She had seen some of their most intimate possessions and bundled up their dirty clothes. She had cleaned their rooms and tidied their things. Yet it seemed as if for three of them, at least, she was simply a piece of furniture, albeit one which moved and could speak. She was nothing to them. She sighed. _I know it's wrong to want to know my novices, to be able to talk with them, perhaps be friendly, but I wish I could, all the same!_


	5. Brief Encounter

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Brief Encounter**

Neris enjoyed walking which was fortunate, as she had no other way of getting into the city. One of her greatest frustrations during the last years of her apprenticeship was being forbidden from leaving the Guild grounds without permission and that was rarely granted, so she had never been able to visit the various markets as she would have liked.

Now that she was a Guild Servant, with a half day off each week, she could go as often as she liked. She also had silver to spend. So she developed a routine of walking into the city as soon as she finished her mid-day meal each Freeday. As long as the weather was fine, it was quite enjoyable. Older novices were also able to leave the Guild grounds, so she was often passed by the wealthier ones on horseback, or saw the less wealthy walking along in noisy groups.

Neris had plans for this trip. On her last visit, she had discovered a market stall, which sold good quality second-hand clothing at reasonable prices. She had saved up some of her silver and now had a reasonable amount to spend. She was hoping to get a pretty skirt or two, with perhaps a good quality shirt. She also wanted to buy a small gift for Floretta.

As she walked along, she considered how things had gone in the weeks since she'd started working in the Novices' Quarters. She had learned some useful lessons during her first few days. It was certainly impossible to deal with four lots of dirty washing at the same time, therefore she organised things so that she dealt each novice's washing on a different day. She had a good idea whose room would take longest to clean, Lord Lorlen's of course, and which one was quick and easy, that would be Lord Koben's. Now she no longer needed the counting game to decide her cleaning order.

She rather enjoyed her time alone in each novice's room. She had soon got used to their particular ways, so now she could take all their things off shelves, tables and chests, clean them and put them back in exactly the right place without even thinking about it. It was their personal possessions, though, that she found the most interesting. She would often spend time examining them, trying to decide what it told her about their various owners.

The only one who actually talked with her was Lord Lorlen. He frequently forgot things, and would suddenly appear in his room while she was there, to collect whatever it was. He continued to be friendly and asked her questions about her life and family and told her a little about his own. She never knew him to have a bad day, he was always cheerful and she couldn't understand how he came to be such close friends with Lord Akkarin, who was often silent and, she thought, seemed to suffer from frequent bad moods.

The Elyne cousins continued to ignore her existence. They simply didn't "see" her most of the time and any conversations she had with them merely concerned things they wanted. She had learned by now that the Elyne had very different customs from Kyralians, which might be a reason for their disregard of her. _Of course_, she thought, _It could simply be that they consider servants beneath their notice! _Whatever the reason, she thought the situation was unlikely to change, so she decided not to concern herself with them beyond her work.

Lord Akkarin continued to intrigue her. He did speak to her, but it was very much a magician-servant relationship, even though he was only two or three years older. She couldn't recall ever having exchanged personal remarks with him, apart from telling him her name, not that he used it very much! But it was his personal possessions, which made her most curious. They were an odd mixture of things to do with fighting and battles, and things of great beauty like the carved boxes and the intricate ornaments. She still couldn't work out why a young man should have such opposing tastes.

She smiled to herself. It was very interesting to work so closely for four such different men, each close to her own age. Although some might regard cleaning up after novices a dull occupation, she didn't. _I really do enjoy my work!_

At this point in her musings, she realised that she was already in the city and quickly made her way to the market stall. It was in a side street just off the main market square and there was always a good crowd around it. Neris worked her way to the front and began to sort through the garments. She soon spotted a skirt in a mid-blue cloth, with embroidery in light and dark blue thread around the hem. She held it against her and it looked as if it would fit. She stuffed it under her arm and began to look for a shirt to go with it. There was nothing in blue, but she did find a rather nice white one, with tight-fitting sleeves and buttons which resembled pearls. That joined the skirt under her arm while she continued to sort through the mountains of garments. In the next few minutes, she found several items which she thought would be useful, an underskirt in pale grey, a pretty scarf in a deep rose shade and two pairs of fine woollen stockings.

She took her bundle over to the stallholder and held her breath while the prices were added up. To her surprise and relief, the total came to just over one and half silvers, a price she could easily afford. She passed over the coins and waited while her purchases were packed into a square bundle and tied with string.

"What about a nice warm cloak, dear?" the trader said, a crafty smile hovering around her mouth. "I've got a lovely one here, just come in. It's fine blue woollen cloth and will go well with your new skirt."

As she was speaking, the trader was busy pulling the cloak out of the heap. Neris hadn't considered a cloak, but as soon as she saw the deep blue colour, she began imagining how well it would suit her. She mentally counted her remaining coins. Surely the cloak would be too expensive!

"How much?" she asked.

The trader considered her for a moment. As she was wearing her servant's clothing, it was obvious where she came from and how much money she was likely to have. The trader weighed up the chances of getting a large sum for the cloak, against offering a lower price which would encourage her customer to buy again in the future.

"Well, it's good cloth and barely worn. I could get a lot for this if I hung it up by the front of my stall…" She paused and shot a sharp glance at Neris. "But seeing how you've already paid good coin for the stuff in your bundle, give me two silvers and it's yours."

Neris fingered the material. She was already half in love with it. It was lined, too, and the stallholder was right, it looked almost new. She had almost three silvers tucked away in her purse. If she waited until next week to buy a present for Floretta, she could afford it.

"All right, I'll take it," she said.

The money changed hands and the cloak was folded into another bundle, tied with string. Neris found it rather difficult to carry both, but she was in a hurry to get back home and try on her purchases.

She managed to slide her arm through the cloak bundle so that the package rested on her shoulder; that left her hands free to carry the other one. It didn't seem too bad to start with, but by the time Neris had left the centre of Imardin, her back was aching and her arms were getting very tired. She plodded on, trying not to think of her aches and pains. Soon she was out of the city, walking along the road towards the Guild.

There were quite a few people going in the same direction, a sure sign that Freeday was almost over. Several magicians rode past at a fast pace, throwing up small bits of earth, where the road was muddy. Neris stopped for a moment to change hands on her bundle. It was tempting to sit down for a little while, but she felt she would never want to get up again if she did.

As she started off again, she could hear the sound of a large number of horses galloping up the road. She turned to see what it was and saw a group of riders coming along at a very fast pace. Behind her, people were already jumping to the sides of the road to get out of the way.

_If I stay here, I'll get knocked over! _Neris started to scramble out of the way, but as she did so, her foot slipped on a muddy piece of earth and she felt herself fall, almost in slow motion. The cloak slipped down her arm and her other bundle went sailing away, to land in a particularly muddy patch.

Neris hit the ground with a soggy thump. "My things!" she cried as she saw her bundle come undone and the clothing start to spread along the ground. At the precise moment this happened, the first of the riders galloped past, closely followed by three or four others. The inevitable happened. One of the horses shot across the patch where her clothes lay, its hooves pushing the material harder into the mud and Neris was sure she heard the sound of something tearing.

"Are you all right?" a gruff voice said and a meaty hand grabbed hers to pull her to her feet.

"I…I think so," she said, trying to wipe the mud off her skirt. "I must get my things."

More horses were coming up fast, their riders shouting and urging their mounts to go faster and faster. She could see now that the riders were novices. There was some muttering from the people around her, who were helping her collect her possessions.

"Arrogant young tykes," her rescuer said angrily. "Frightening ordinary folk with their actions. They should be whipped!"

By this time, Neris had recovered most of her possessions. The cloak seemed all right, just a bit muddy on one edge, but her other clothes were in a poor state. She was right about the tearing sound she'd heard, the shirt was torn and covered in dirt, the skirt was wet and muddy and one of the stockings had a hoof-shaped hole right in the middle.

People were starting to move on, but Neris was trying to retie her bundle, without much success. All of a sudden it got too much for her and she sank to the ground and burst into tears.

"What's happened here?" said someone in a firm, authoritative voice.

"Some of your classmates came through here as though they were on fire, scattering honest folk without a care in the world!" answered Neris's rescuer grimly. "If I had my way, the lot of you would be confined to the Guild until you'd learnt some manners."

"That's enough," the first voice said. "What's the matter with the girl? Is she hurt?"

She heard someone approaching and looked up. She was shocked to see it was Lord Akkarin. Her own surprise was mirrored on his face as he recognised his servant.

"Neris, are you all right?" he said, coming over and squatting down beside her.

"I think so, Lord Akkarin," she said softly, the tears still slipping down her cheeks. "But my clothing has been ruined!"

He rose and picked up the bundle, quickly tying it. He grabbed the cloak and took both bundles over to his horse and hung them from the saddle. He came back and took hold of Neris's arm.

"Can you stand?"

When she nodded, he pulled her up and said to her rescuer still waiting by the road, "I'll take her now. Thanks for your help."

Neris was trying without success to find her handkerchief. She could feel the blush cover her face. To be found by one of her novices by the side of the road, weeping and covered in mud was the worst thing she could imagine. And for it to be Lord Akkarin who found her seemed to make it even worse than that somehow.

"Neris, listen, I'm going to put you on my horse. Have you ridden one before?"

She shook her head, too startled to protest.

"Don't worry, she's a quiet mare. Now, don't struggle."

She could hear something rather like amusement in his tone which made her say sharply, "Don't bother, Lord Akkarin, I can walk, it's not far."

He ignored her and put his hands on her waist. She found herself lifted on to the horse and felt him jump up behind her. She was suddenly aware of his body pressed up against hers and his arms holding her steady as he clicked at the horse to get it moving.

Instead of going down the road towards the Guild, Akkarin guided the horse in another direction. At first Neris assumed he was simply going around some sticky ground, but it soon became obvious that they were not heading towards the Guild at all.

"Where are you taking me?" she said nervously. "This isn't the right way at all."

Akkarin simply ignored her, urging the horse on, away from the road, away from the familiar gates of the Guild. She tried to ask again where they were headed, but as before, she was ignored. Eventually, they came to the outskirts of the forest. Akkarin paused for a moment, then chose a path to the left and kicked the horse into a canter.

After a few minutes, they reached a clearing and Akkarin pulled the horse to a stop. He slid off her back and reached for Neris. When she was safely on the ground, he took the bundles and put them down beside her. Then he led the horse to a patch of vegetation she could crop and looped her reins over a nearby bush.

Returning to Neris, he took a quick look at her face and grinned suddenly.

"Don't look so worried. I've brought you here so that you can clean yourself up and sort out your bundles. Can you imagine the questions if you'd appeared at the Guild looking like that?"

Neris let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. "I'm sorry, Lord Akkarin," she said, "I didn't mean to imply that…" she didn't know how to finish without causing even more embarrassment.

"I'm not in the habit of ravishing little girls!" he said, rather huffily.

Neris's heart sank. He had rescued her and now she'd annoyed him. In order to avoid looking at him, she bent over her bundles, undoing the ties and shaking out the contents. The cloak was not too badly affected. If she let it dry, she could brush off the mud. Her other clothing was a different matter. She held up the shirt. The tear was right across one of the sleeves and even if she darned it, the seam would show. She felt her eyes filling with tears again.

"Let me see," he said and reached over to take the shirt. He turned it this way and that, then held it up at arms length. He closed his eyes for a moment, then made a movement with his hand. To Neris's surprise, the tear slowly mended itself and the dirt disappeared. In a moment, he was holding a fresh white shirt without a mark on it.

"Oh," she breathed, "You've used magic!"

He laughed, a warm, friendly sound, "Well I am a magician, or I will be soon. That was the other reason for bringing you here. I can use magic to clean your things without anyone at the Guild trying to stop me."

After that, it was only a matter of moments for him to clean the other garments and retie them into their bundles. There was no sign of any damage and the garments were much cleaner than they had been before.

"Now, let's look at your skirt," he said and came to stand next to her. This time, he put his hands lightly on her shoulders. There was a warm sensation along her arms and she felt the ache lessen. She looked up and saw his eyes were closed again, so she could stare at him for once. _He is rather good-looking_, she thought.

His eyes opened and for a moment she had a horrible suspicion that he had read her mind because he raised an eyebrow as he smiled down at her. "All done, as fresh as when you started," he said.

"I don't know how to thank you, Lord Akkarin," she began but he placed a finger over her lips, stopping her.

"Now, let's think about the best way to get you home," he muttered to himself. "I'll take you back to the road, then you can find your own way from there. I don't think it would be a good idea for people to see you on my horse."

He collected the mare and hung the bundles on the saddle. This time she was ready and could enjoy the sensation of two firm hands about her waist, followed by the press of his body as he settled behind her. She was tempted to lean back against him, to breathe as he breathed, to place her hands around his arms and pull them tight against her. _What am I thinking!_ she was appalled with herself. _I'm a servant and he's a noble from the Houses! Besides he thinks I'm a little girl!_

All too soon, they were back near the road. As before, he dismounted, then lifted her down, restoring her bundles, making sure she was comfortable carrying them. She thanked him again and started towards the road. She heard him spring on the horse and then the sound of hooves disappearing in the distance.

She reached the road and began the walk home. She wondered if he would tell Lord Lorlen what had happened. She supposed so, they were very good friends after all. It was strange, she had liked Lord Lorlen from the first moment she'd seen him. She hadn't really liked Lord Akkarin at all, yet he had been concerned enough to stop when he'd seen someone in trouble. He'd made an effort to make things right, even using magic which he shouldn't have done. He'd done all that for a servant. Perhaps he was worth liking after all.


	6. A Small Black Box

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**A Small Black Box**

As Neris opened the entrance door to the Novices' Quarters, she wondered, not for the first time that morning, if she would see Lord Akkarin. She told herself she wanted to make sure she'd thanked him properly for coming to her rescue and dealing with her torn and muddy garments. It was still very early, though, and she didn't really expect him, or any other novice, to be wandering around. Novices rarely rose much before breakfast time.

She made her way to the servants' room on the top floor. If there were any messages, that would be where they were placed. As she opened the door, she could see the white message sitting on the side. She rushed over, yes, it was for her! She turned it over and saw it was only a message to say Lord Lorlen required breakfast in his room this morning.

She gave herself a mental shake. What did she expect? A personal message for her, left where any servant could see it? Besides, why would a magician leave a personal message for a servant, especially one he regarded as a 'little girl'? She busied herself collecting Lord Lorlen's breakfast, some warm rolls, butter, honey, cheese and ham. She looked at the food on the tray; it was missing something. She looked at the array of food on the side table and picked out a few ripe berries and added them to the rest.

Carefully balancing the tray, she walked along the corridor and knocked on Lord Lorlen's door. There was no answer, so she knocked again, a little louder this time and was rewarded by a sleepy voice calling her to come in.

Lord Lorlen was sitting up in bed, yawning and rubbing his eyes. After one quick glance, Neris looked away and concentrated on finding somewhere to put the tray down. Lorlen sprang out of bed and rushed to clear a space on his desk by simply dumping books and papers on the floor. Neris sighed. She would have to clear that up later. No matter how carefully she suggested that things would be easier to find if they were kept tidy, she knew he wouldn't remember. It would always be a losing battle with such an untidy person as Lord Lorlen.

"Thank you, Neris," he said. "I've a lot of work to catch up so I can't waste any time going to the food hall."

"Would you prefer tea or raka, Lord Lorlen?"

"Raka today!" he said. "I need something to keep me awake."

She went back to fetch the drink. Novices were beginning to stir and a few were even going off to the baths. When she got back to Lorlen's room, she could hear voices from inside. She knocked and entered to find Lord Akkarin had come in and was pouring over some notes that Lorlen had written.

Neris felt her cheeks colour as he turned to look at her.

"Ah, Neris, I would like breakfast here this morning," he said and turned back to listen to something Lorlen was saying.

For a moment, Neris didn't know what to do. She'd been expecting at least an enquiry about how she was or something a little personal. _After all, it's not that long ago I was sitting on his horse, with his arms around me_, she thought resentfully. She didn't let anything show in her face, however, and her voice was steady as she asked, "Tea or raka, Lord Akkarin?"

He didn't bother turning this time, merely said, "Tea, thank you," and continued his conversation.

She went back to the servants' room and began assembling another breakfast. She poured a cup of tea and plonked that on the tray next to the rolls and butter. She didn't bother with adding berries or anything extra this time.

By the time she got back to the room, the two novices were lounging in chairs, sharing the food she'd brought in earlier. They were both laughing and as she came through the door, Lorlen turned his merry gaze on her and said cheerfully, "Akkarin was just telling me what happened last evening!"

She felt herself go stiff. How dare they laugh at her misfortunes! She threw a furious glance at Akkarin and said, "Yes. It was lucky that Lord Akkarin was able to help me."

There must have been something in her tone, because Lorlen stopped grinning and came over to her. He put his hand on her shoulder and said sympathetically, "It must have been horrible. I've seen the way some of the novices ride with no care for anyone on foot. Thank goodness you weren't hurt."

"Thank you," she said coolly. "If there is nothing more, I must get on with my work."

She went to get her cleaning equipment and started on Lord Evran's room and then tackled Lord Koban's room where there was, as usual, very little to do. Nevertheless she lingered there. She had no wish to meet either Lorlen or Akkarin so she made sure that had both left before starting on their rooms. As always, she spent a lot of time tidying Lorlen's room. Even though she cleaned it every day and put all his things into their proper places, the next day, it looked as if a whirlwind had tumbled everything about. She smiled to herself. It was impossible to be cross with Lorlen for long, he was such a cheerful young man and somehow that made all the work he created for her less tiring.

She stared at the mess. It would take a while simply to sort and separate the stuff into piles of books, papers, clothing, equipment and personal possessions. But, even Lorlen's room was tidy in the end and she was left with only Akkarin's room.

She went to the next-door room, unlocked it and went in. He had obviously left in a hurry because his bedding was in a tangled heap, half on the floor and his sleeping garments were stuffed down by the side of the bed. The rest of the room seemed reasonable, so she set to work making the bed.

As she stretched over it, smoothing the sheet and tucking it in, she was conscious of a faint scent she remembered from yesterday, when he had been sitting behind her. It was a fresh, male scent, she couldn't describe it any other way, rather pleasant in fact. She breathed deeply, trying to fix its subtle aroma in her memory.

_Neris, what are you doing?_

Her thoughts were angry. What a fool she was, wasting time over trifles such as this! All through her apprenticeship, she had been told how important magicians were and how they were far above ordinary people. Servants were there to serve them, nothing more. It was the duty of every Guild Servant to dedicate their lives to that service. All she could expect was recognition of her good work, a 'please' or 'thank you' and nothing else.

She quickly finished the bed, picked up the sleeping garments, carefully folded them and placed them on the pillow. It was work of a few minutes to tidy the rest of the room and brush the carpet and rug. It was Lord Akkarin's day for laundry and, as ever, he had remembered to leave it out, ready for her to deal with.

She looked round, yes, all done. She noticed that he'd changed the arrangement of boxes on a wooden chest and went to have a look. There were about seven or eight boxes, carved with a variety of patterns. She picked up the smallest box. It was of a hard black wood she hadn't seen before, with gold hinges and catch. The lid was carved into a mountain landscape, with trees and clouds. At the lower edge, a series of flowers had been carved, each petal inlaid with a blue sparkling jewel. It was exquisite. Neris had seen nothing like it before. She turned it in her hands, admiring the craftsmanship.

"What are you doing?"

Neris jumped as the voice came from behind her, and, to her horror, the little box flew from her hands and dropped with a thump on the floor.

She turned to see Akkarin standing inside the door, a cold look on his face.

"I asked what you were doing." he repeated, his voice as icy as his expression.

Neris flushed to the roots of her hair. To be discovered handling his personal possessions was mortifying. To have the thing fall, with possible damage was even worse.

"I was cleaning…" her voice faded as he brushed past her and knelt on the floor. He picked up the box and examined it carefully. Neris could see that some of the jewels had come out and knelt down to look for them.

"I'm so sorry, Lord Akkarin," she said, struggling to prevent her voice from trembling. "You startled me and made me jump."

She found two jewels and held them out to him, "How many are missing, Lord Akkarin?" she asked.

He ignored her and continued to study the box. He undid it and checked the hinges, then closed it to check the catch. It seemed to be working properly. As he held the box, Neris could see that four of the flower petals were missing their blue jewels. She'd found two, the others must be somewhere close by.

She continued to search, skimming the floor with her hand, but she couldn't see any hint of a blue sparkle anywhere. By this time, Akkarin had regained his feet and had put the box down.

"Get up, Neris," he said. "I will look for them."

Neris spent a miserable few minutes while he looked for the missing jewels. He found one, but the other seemed to have vanished into thin air. After a while, he gave up. She was afraid to meet his gaze. She was responsible for paying for any damage and, although she didn't know how much repairing it would cost, she knew it would take all her silvers for months, if not years.

Lord Akkarin looked at her for a long time, saying nothing. She kept still, unsure of what was going on behind that expressionless face. To her embarrassment, she felt tears starting to well in her eyes and blinked furiously to try to prevent them from spilling over. _Every time he looks at me, I'm crying!_ she thought miserably.

Again, she had the fleeting feeling he could read her mind, because his expression softened and he said, "It's all right, Neris. I can mend the box and I expect I'll find the missing jewel."

"Thank you, Lord Akkarin," she said. "I will pay you for the jewel if you can't find it."

He laughed humourlessly, "I doubt you earn enough to pay for this. It is many hundreds of years old and quite rare."

There was a moment of silence, then he said, "You haven't answered my question. What were you doing? I know it wasn't cleaning."

"The box is so beautiful, I just wanted to look at it, so I picked it up," she said quietly. "I know it was wrong and I ask you to forgive me."

"It is always better to tell the truth, Neris," he said. "It is very difficult for ordinary people to successfully lie to magicians."

She felt her face flame again. So many mistakes she'd made and it was only a few weeks since she started work.

"You like beautiful things, then?" he said in a warmer tone of voice. "None of my other servants have been interested in them. Perhaps you are different."

"Yes, I do. I am particularly fond of blue things and the box is so pretty with the very dark wood and the pretty blue jewels."

"I'm not surprised, most of the things I picked out of the mud were blue!" He smiled at her suddenly and his whole face changed, making him look younger somehow. She found herself smiling foolishly back.

"I must go, I only came back for this." He grabbed a pile of papers and was gone before she could reply.

She looked at the box and laughed to herself. What a strange young man he was. Most of the time, he treated her like a piece of furniture he only noticed when he wanted to make use of it. Other times, he was almost friendly, smiling at her and talking as if they were equals. She couldn't work it out. Perhaps it was as she originally suspected, he was simply moody.

She couldn't quite prevent the quiet singing of her heart, as she prepared her mid-day meal.


	7. Stolen Kisses

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Stolen Kisses**

For the next few weeks, Neris scarcely set eyes on Lord Akkarin. He was usually gone by the time she arrived at the Novices' Quarters but if she were a little earlier than usual, she might catch a glimpse of his tall figure striding away towards the baths. He didn't return to his room during the day either, so it was almost as if he'd vanished from the Guild.

She did, however, see rather a lot of Lorlen. Her first Freeday following the incident with the small black box saw her take her customary journey into the city. This time she chose to wear her new clothes, rather than remain in her Guild Servants' uniform. After what had happened the previous time, she didn't want to be recognised as the silly servant who dropped her parcels! So, resplendent in the blue skirt with the pretty embroidery, the white shirt with the pearl-like buttons and her new blue cloak, she set off hoping to purchase a few more items.

She had only been walking for a few minutes before a cheerful voice next to her ear said, "It's a nice day for a walk, don't you agree, Neris!" She half-turned to find Lorlen walking beside her. She was rather surprised and didn't say anything to start with, but soon recovered herself to agree.

"Yes, it feels a little less cold today, Lord Lorlen."

He grinned at her, "It's our Freeday, you don't have to be so formal."

She didn't know what to say to that, so said nothing. They continued to walk along in silence. After a few minutes, she could stand it no longer and asked, "Do you have somewhere special to visit in the city?"

She realised her mistake as he looked at her and raised his eyebrows quizzically.

"You wish to accompany me?" he said. "Or perhaps you would like me to accompany you?"

Neris felt the flush spread over her entire face, "I'm sorry, Lord Lorlen," she said, dropping her eyes, "I was simply making conversation. What you choose to do with your Freeday is no concern of mine."

Lorlen stopped walking and took her arm, turning her to face him, "Neris! Look, you can stop being a servant talking to a magician, it's our day off so we can just be a young woman and a young man walking into the city, talking to each other during the journey."

"I'm sorry, Lord Lorlen, but I have been brought up to know my place," she said stiffly. "It's simply not possible to pretend we are equals, and you know it too. You mustn't try to embarrass me by saying otherwise."

He stared at her for a second or two, then shrugged, "I don't wish to embarrass you, Neris," he said quietly, a thread of something approaching anger in his tone, "I can see that you take your work very seriously. Good day to you." And he walked swiftly away.

Neris felt at once both saddened and relieved. All her life she had been taught her place, and, as far as she was concerned, it was a good place and it did not involve equality with magicians, for however short a time. But she was sorry that Lord Lorlen had gone off. She could just see his stocky figure disappearing round the next bend and already missed his companionship.

Her time in the city passed all too swiftly. Although she didn't find anything at her favourite stall, she did enjoy a cup of tea and a sweet cake at one of the food stalls. She also found a tiny ornament in the shape of a horse and bought it, along with another in the form of a girl sitting on a bench for Floretta. The horse would remind her of her adventure and look just right on the shelf in her room.

She had almost reached the Guild gates when Lorlen reappeared at her side. He held out a small brown package and said, "I'm sorry for embarrassing you, Neris, please accept this as a small token of my remorse!"

His green eyes twinkled at her so she couldn't help laughing a little, "Why, thank you, Lord Lorlen. It wasn't necessary, but I thank you all the same."

She waited until she was home before opening the little parcel. It was a lovely bright blue silk ribbon, a very long blue silk ribbon, almost as long as she was tall. It was just the right shade to match her skirt and she could tell it was of the finest quality.

She sat staring at it, looped over her lap, with the ends trailing to the floor. She knew she should not accept it, but it was so lovely and just perfect to decorate her white shirt. There would even be enough left over to put in her hair. She could hear Floretta's footsteps coming down the corridor and knew she would come in. She would want to know where the ribbon came from and Neris had no intention of telling her the truth.

By the time Floretta had greeted her daughter, Neris had her story ready and her mother exclaimed over Neris's good fortune in finding the remnant of ribbon, the last of its colour, which was being sold off very cheaply.

After that first meeting, Neris often walked into Imardin with Lorlen. He didn't try to persuade her out of her servant role, but merely chattered on about a wide range of things to do with his studies, the city, the Guild and his family. In return she talked of her early days, her time at the servants' school and her apprenticeship.

It was during one of these talks that she discovered where Akkarin was and what he was doing. They had been talking about how magicians entered a particular Discipline, how much was down to their own desire and how much depended on the reports they received from various teachers.

"Akkarin desperately wants to become a Warrior," Lorlen explained. "He is very likely to have his wish because he is extremely skilled, but that's not enough for him! He must be the best student. He is spending all his spare time in the Arena, honing his skills, ready for the final test in a few weeks."

"I wondered why I hadn't seen very much of him," she said, "He used to be in the Novices' Quarters often when I was there."

"Yes, he is out a lot of the time. I barely see him myself."

"Where does he go on Freeday? There are no classes then," she found herself asking, then immediately wishing she had bitten her tongue as Lorlen glanced sideways at her, a strange expression on his face.

"Akkarin is a companion to one of the Princes," he said. "Has been for years. It means he goes to Court frequently, spends time with him, that sort of thing."

"Oh!" Neris was surprised. She wouldn't have thought of the moody Akkarin as a likely companion of Princes.

"Yes, his family is of very high status, even among the Houses. His father was a friend of the King when he was younger, so in turn, his son was chosen to be a companion for Prince Merin. It's a great honour and Akkarin takes it very seriously."

Aware of the curiosity starting to form in Lorlen's eyes, Neris decided to turn the conversation away from her interest in what Lord Akkarin was doing and on to Lorlen himself.

"And what Discipline do you want to enter?" she asked.

"A Healer, if they'll have me. I've wanted that ever since my first year." Lorlen's voice showed the depth of his feelings and enthusiasm. "It doesn't come easily to me, not like Akkarin and Warrior skills. I really have to work hard to pass my exams, but I think I'm almost certain of being accepted. This last year has been difficult, though. I've had to do some of my assignments again and I've been warned to work harder."

"What happens if the Healers don't accept you?"

He sighed, "I'll have to go somewhere else. I suppose I'll end up an Alchemist, because I'm really not very good at Warrior skills. It upsets me deeply to think of injuring someone, it's the Healer in me, I think."

He looked so downcast at the thought of not being accepted into his chosen Discipline, that Neris quickly found something else to talk about and the rest of the walk passed off happily.

The companionable walks each week soon became a regular pattern and Neris looked forward to them. Often he would bring her a small gift, nothing particularly valuable, but carefully selected to please her. She liked Lorlen. He was a very likeable character, always merry, with a good sense of humour. She found herself thinking about him at odd moments during the day. She couldn't think of him as handsome, not in the way that Akkarin was handsome. Lorlen was not tall, his figure, instead of being slim, was rather stocky. His hair appeared untameable, the only time she had seen it lying tidily was when he had just come from the baths and it was wet. His features were pleasantly attractive when viewed together, but separately, his mouth was too wide, his nose too short and his skin rather sallow. His eyes were his best feature, large and faintly almond shaped, and of the most unusual clear green like new moss.

She wondered idly what he thought of her. The next time she was at home, she took time to examine her own features. There were things she would've liked to change, perhaps more of a curl in her hair and a straighter nose, but on the whole, she was pleased with herself. She particularly liked the way her blue clothes deepened the blueness of her eyes. It was a pity that the colour of her servants' clothing did nothing to bring out the colour but at least she could wear any colour she liked in her own time.

Now, some weeks later, the chilly weather had lost its bite and there was a sense that spring was on its way. The sun came out more often and there were the beginnings of flowers budding in the hedgerows and along the paths. Neris, however, rather regretted the passing of the chill, because she hadn't yet found a suitable and affordable lighter weight cloak and was still wearing the thicker blue one. _You are vain_, she thought ruefully_. You could wear your servant's cloak, it's much thinner! But you don't want to admit what you are._

Lorlen joined her a few minutes after she left the Guild. By now they were familiar with each other's pace and strolled comfortably along together chattering continuously, as usual. This Freeday, though, was to see a change in their usual routine.

"Neris, I've had a terrific idea," Lorlen said. "Now that the weather's a bit warmer, I thought we could have a picnic in the forest, rather than going into Imardin. What do you say?"

She looked over and saw he was carrying a small basket with a cloth over its contents. He was smiling cheerfully at her and she could see he was eager to hear her acceptance. She considered the rules drummed into her from an early age, then decided to ignore them.

"Oh, what a good idea!" she cried, "I'd love to!"

Lorlen soon led her off the road and into the forest. He seemed to know exactly where he was going, so she was content to follow in his footsteps. After ten minutes of walking, they found themselves in a small clearing, where a narrow brook ran over some rocks with a gurgling sound and splashed down into a tiny pool of clear water.

Lorlen busied himself with setting out a rug, then some plates and cups and finally the food. She came over and sat down next to him to examine what he'd brought. The food turned out to be a mixture of tiny sweet, and savoury, tartlets, a few sweet cakes, a wedge of cheese and some fruit. Lorlen was feeling in the copious pockets of his robes and to her surprise, pulled out a bottle of pale rose wine. She must have looked shocked, because he laughed at her expression.

"It's only a some of my family's home-made wine," he said. "It won't hurt you."

She watched him open the wine, using a little magic, "Forgot an opener," he said apologetically. He poured some into each cup and handed one to her.

"Here's to a very nice picnic," he said.

"A happy picnic," she responded and took a sip. It was a sweetish wine, with a delicate flavour. Its colour made her think of roses, but the taste reminded her of the wild red berries which grew in the woods in summer time. It was delicious.

They lolled on the rug and munched their way through the food. Soon, too, the level in the bottle fell almost to the bottom and they lay back on the rug, peering up at the sky just visible through the canopy of the trees.

"Have you been here before, Lord Lorlen?" she asked idly and was surprised when he rolled over and took hold of her arms, pulling her close to him.

"For once, just call me Lorlen!" he said fiercely and kissed her.

For a moment, Neris felt her body tighten. No one had even tried to kiss her since that unfortunate incident in the kitchens a year ago when the assistant cook had tried to take advantage of an apprentice looking for the storeroom. But even as she considered how to struggle her way clear, her mind decided that it was a nice kiss and her body relaxed into his embrace.

She kept her eyes open and saw that his were closed. She looked at the fan of his lashes on his cheek, they were long, rather like a girl's. She could feel his arms tighten around her and she hugged him back. He raised his head and opened his eyes, to gaze intently at her.

"You're a pretty girl, Neris," he said, softly. "A very pretty girl."

"And you have lovely eye lashes, Lorlen," she blurted out.

Lorlen looked stunned, "What did you say?" he demanded. "I've got lovely what?"

She couldn't help it, he looked so confused, Neris burst out giggling.

"I said, you've got lovely lashes," she said in between giggles. "The longest I've ever seen!"

Lorlen pushed her on to her back and put a knee each side of her waist, then he grabbed her hands in his and held them down, one each side of her head as he bent his body over hers. He stared into her face and for a moment she thought he was angry, then he burst into loud laughter.

"Of all the things I thought you might say, that wasn't one of them!" he said.

He continued to stare steadily at her as he slowly stopped laughing. Then he bent his head and covered her mouth with his own, not fiercely this time, but gently. She felt his weight on her upper body as he leaned into her, his hands relaxed and she could move again.

The kiss seemed to go on for a long time. Neris wondered for a moment if she was expected to do something, but she really didn't know what. Her instinct told her to stay still and wait to see what would happen next. All the time, words were rolling round in her head_. I'm being kissed by a magician. I'm being kissed by a magician…._

Lorlen shifted against her and she found herself lying in his arms, the whole length of his body pressed against hers. His hands were stroking her hair and she thought she could hear him whispering something. She felt drowsy and realised that the wine was stronger than she thought. A warm feeling suffused her and she ran her hands up and down his back.

She had no idea how long they stayed like that, but she became aware that something was changing. She focused and found Lorlen's fingers were undoing the buttons on her shirt. An image of Floretta flashed into her head. What would her mother say to see her daughter rolling around on the ground with a man, an empty bottle of wine next to her and her clothes in disarray!

She sat up quickly, pulling at the gaping neck of her shirt and redoing the buttons, "No, no Lorlen!" she said, "I can't…..you mustn't!"

He stopped what he was doing and stared at her. "But you were enjoying it," he said, puzzlement in his tone. "I could tell, you liked it."

"It was very pleasant, Lorlen," she said, "But I can't, I really can't. This is against all the rules for servants. You know that!"

"Oh rules!" he said, his tone verging on the sulky, "Rules are made to be bent or broken. Do you think that no female servant has ever lain in the grass with a magician? Do you think that no novice has ever kissed a servant? I think it's time you grew up a little, Neris."

He flung himself away from her and grabbed the wine bottle. There was still a little in it, so he tipped it back and swallowed. He threw the bottle down and began to gather up the remains of their picnic. She went to help him, at a loss as to what to say.

"I'm sorry, Lord Lorlen," she said finally.

"Oh, so we're back to 'Lord' Lorlen again! I've never met anyone quite like you! Most girls are thrilled to spend time in the forest with a magician. They all know what a picnic means. Most girls like the food, the wine, and what comes after."

"I'm not most girls, Lorlen," she said quietly. "And I think I'd better go back now."

She stood up, looking down at him. Her merry companion seemed to have disappeared and in his place was a sulky boy, who looked as if his best friend had just stolen his sweets. She waited to see if he would say anything more to her, but he remained silent.

She picked up her cloak and fastened it around her neck. He was still kneeling down, gathering the dishes and cups and putting them in the basket. She waited a moment longer, then turned to go.

"I wonder if you would be so keen to leave if it had been Akkarin in the forest with you instead of me." His voice was low, but she had no difficulty hearing every word.

The telltale colour ran up her cheeks. "I don't know what you mean…." she started to say when he sprang to his feet and reached for her arm.

"You know exactly what I mean!" he replied fiercely. "I've seen you look at him when you think he's not watching. And all those questions about where he is and what he's doing! I don't know why I'm surprised. All the girls want to be with him, but let me give you a word of advice. He's not interested in girls!"

She frowned at him, "What do you mean? Do you mean he's a lad?" She couldn't hide the shock in her voice.

Lorlen's laughter this time was bitter, "No! I wish he were, it would be easier. No, I mean he has a plan. He knows what he wants in life and what he has to do to get it. Women are just not part of that plan. So, Neris, don't waste your time mooning after him. If you do, it will be a long wait!"

There was nothing she could say after that, so she turned to walk away. After a few moments, she realised that she didn't know which was the right direction. She slowed down and tried to remember, but all the trees looked the same and each little track and pathway seemed alike. She stopped. Which way?

"I'll show you the way," Lorlen said as he came up behind her. "I wouldn't leave you to get lost in here.

They said nothing more and it was only a matter of moments to arrive at the edge of the forest. She thanked Lorlen and turned back to the Guild. She didn't look to see where he went. At that moment she didn't really care. All she wanted to do was to forget the whole experience.

But as she walked along, Lorlen's question ran round and round her head, like an animal in a trap. Would she have left so decisively if it had been Akkarin lying on the rug next to her, holding her in his arms, his mouth on hers? She was very much afraid she knew the answer.


	8. Together

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Together**

The incident with Lorlen had been a sharp reminder that she was just an inexperienced fifteen-year-old girl. That it hadn't ended up as something a lot worse was because Lorlen was a nice young man, who had chosen to stop when she asked him. Afterwards she wondered what she would have done it she'd been with someone else who wasn't so accommodating.

She needed advice and quickly if she wasn't to make another mistake. But whom should she ask? It was out of the question to ask Mistress Mina. She already thought it was a huge error to put such a young servant in with the male novices and raising questions would simply confirm her opinion. For the same reason Mistress Harban was also ruled out. Although there were several servants working with final year apprentices, and Neris was acquainted with them through their shared mid-day meal times, none of them was what she might describe as a friend and it simply wasn't something she could drop into a conversation about bread and ham.

That left only one person, Floretta. So that evening, during supper, she had turned the conversation round to a mythical servant, a little older than herself and the problem she had 'shared' with Neris. Unusually, Floretta was very forthcoming and Neris learned the true meaning of an invitation to a picnic alone with a young man. Her mother, perhaps feeling a little guilty that she hadn't thought to prepare her daughter, recounted several tales from her own early days as a servant, before she'd married, so Neris was able understand some of the ways of dealing with insistent young men. She really hoped she wouldn't have to put any of them into practice, but at least she had a better idea how to cope.

She returned to work the next day in a happier frame of mind. She didn't think a similar situation would arise again with Lorlen, but she was worried that what had happened would prevent their continuing friendship. She would regret it if he felt it necessary to avoid her. Lorlen was not there when she arrived on the top floor. There were no messages either, so she was unable to find out how he felt about things now. There was nothing she could do so she immersed herself in work and the morning passed quickly.

When the novices returned just before the mid-day meal, she found herself involved in an argument with Lord Koban, who accused her of interfering with his papers. She tried to explain that she hadn't touched them, but the Elyne novice was in a towering temper and didn't seem to want to listen to anything she said. She cowered a little before his intimidating stare and loud voice, she had never seen him like this before and it frightened her.

Deciding that she should retreat until his temper had cooled, she apologised for whatever it was he thought she'd done and walked out into the corridor. To her horror, Lord Koban followed her, his temper seemingly worsened by the fact that she'd tried to leave. His voice got louder and louder, to such an extent that several doors opened and heads appeared to find out what was going on.

"That's enough shouting, Koban," a cool voice said. "Whatever it is you think she's done, screaming at her like that won't solve the problem."

Lorlen was standing by his door, looking angrily at the Elyne. Koban turned towards him and continued shouting. His face was white with fury and Neris gathered from his tirade that he was of the opinion that Lorlen had no right to interfere.

"This isn't really doing any good, Koban," Lorlen continued calmly. "She's a servant, not one of your slaves. You can't simply stand there and bellow at her like a madman. Anyway, I have a perfect right to get involved, Neris is my servant too, not just yours, and I won't see her treated like this." His tone hardened, "Either you go back in your room and get a grip on your temper, or I'll make you."

Neris stared at Lorlen, open-mouthed. She remembered him telling her only the day before that he was not good at Warrior skills, yet here he was standing up to the much taller and heavier Elyne like a true fighting man. Koban, too, seemed surprised because he stopped making a noise and stared long and hard at Lorlen, before going into his room, slamming the door behind him.

Neris found herself shaking a little after the furious onslaught and Lorlen must have noticed, because he guided her into his room and made her sit down in a chair.

"Are you all right?" he asked. "Do you want some wine? I have some here, somewhere."

"No, I'm fine, Lord Lorlen. I don't need anything. Thank you for stopping him."

Neris glanced up at him. He was looking at her, a frown creasing his forehead, "Are you sure? You don't have to run off, if you're still a bit shaky," he said softly.

"No, no, I am all right, there is no need for you to worry, Lord Lorlen," Neris said as she got to her feet, "I must go, there are still many things to do before I eat."

She moved towards the door, only to stop as he quietly said, "Neris?"

She glanced over at him. He was standing in the middle of his room, a miserable expression on his face. Equally quietly, she said, "What?"

"I'm really sorry about yesterday," he began. "I thought you understood things, and it seems you didn't. I don't want you to think I would've done anything you didn't want to do. I'm not in the habit of forcing myself on girls, you know."

She smiled at little at his tone, "I'm quite sure you aren't. I confess it was a shock…I mean…I really didn't know what would happen, but when I thought about it later, I knew you wouldn't have continued once I'd said 'stop'." She paused, then said rather naively, "Do you take lots of girls on picnics?"

He snorted with laughter, "No, of course not!" Then he said in a softer voice, "I only ask pretty girls I want to spend some time with."

She blushed at the complement, lost for words. Lorlen came over to her and held out his hands, "Still friends?" he asked and when she nodded shyly and placed her hands in his, he bent down and kissed her, first on one cheek, and then on the other. "Good," he murmured.

A few days later, the whole of the Guild, along with the rest of the country, was plunged into deep mourning. The Crown Prince, that glorious, golden Prince Methin, beloved by all, was killed in a riding accident. The King decreed that all Kyralians should stop work for five days so that they could properly mourn their Prince. His funeral was to be held on the third day and the High Lord agreed that all magicians and servants would be free to pay their respects. Neris had never seen Prince Methin, nor the King, nor anyone from the Court for that matter, but she was caught up in the general feelings of sadness which seemed to overlay the Guild.

She had gone to watch the funeral procession with Floretta. It was very long and dismal, with many nobles on horseback, marching soldiers and weeping Court Ladies, and in the middle, a large, black draped bier, pulled by six black horses. upon which lay the Prince's coffin. By the time it was over, Neris was tired and hungry and was very pleased to get back home.

The day after the funeral, Akkarin reappeared in the Novices' Quarters as suddenly as he had disappeared a few weeks before. Neris discovered he'd returned when she went to the servants' room to collect something she'd forgotten. He was walking down the corridor from his room and Neris wondered what he was doing there. Most of the novices had taken the opportunity of the mourning period to return home.

On an impulse she could never afterwards explain satisfactorily, Neris decided to follow him. He seemed to be deep in thought, so she thought he probably wouldn't notice her. She hoped he wouldn't go for his horse, because that would put an end to her plan and it seemed the fates were with her, because he turned towards the Guild gates and not the stables when he left the Novices' Quarters.

His long legs meant he covered the ground quickly, so she was soon left behind, however, even from a distance she was able to keep track of his tall figure. It was soon evident he was heading for the forest and Neris became concerned about finding her way, but she was determined to see where he was going. Deep in the back of her mind, she thought perhaps he was going to meet someone, and she needed to know who it was.

She could hear him moving through the woodland ahead of her. They had been walking for about fifteen minutes and Neris was beginning to think it had been a foolish idea when she slowly became aware that she could no longer hear any sounds of movement. She stopped, and listened intently, then crept slowly forward.

He was sitting on a fallen tree trunk at the edge of a small clearing. There was a partly ruined building next to a pond and the remains of what might have once been some sort of garden. He was perfectly still, gazing into the water. It was a quiet place, not even birdsong disturbed the silence. Neris scarcely dared to breathe in case the sound of it reached him.

She was starting to feel the beginnings of cramp or pins and needles in her legs, when he moved. He turned and gazed unerringly in her direction.

"You can come out now," he said, "I know you're there."

For a moment, she seriously considered running back the way she'd come as fast as she could, but she realised he would catch her in a few strides, so she straightened up and moved out into the clearing to stand in front of him.

"How did you know?" she couldn't help asking.

He smiled, a cool, rather smug smile, "I am going to be a Warrior. I would be a very poor one if I couldn't tell whether or not I am being followed. I have known you were there since I left the Guild."

"Why did you let me follow? You could have told me to stop."

"Yes, I could have, but perhaps I wanted someone to talk to."

She tried not to let her astonishment show. Lord Akkarin, that cool, controlled, self-contained novice needed someone to talk to? She found that hard to believe. Something of her scepticism must have showed in her face because he laughed, a short, almost angry bark of laughter.

"You're surprised! Well, it's true. I feel like talking and you are as good as anyone."

She knew that she should feel insulted by that remark, but her curiosity proved stronger. She needed to know what he wanted to talk about. She sat down, unasked, on the tree trunk next to him.

"I'm listening," was all she said, keeping her voice soft.

"I have a decision to make and it's a very difficult one," he began. "I cannot make up my mind."

He stopped and Neris resisted the temptation to speak. He glanced sideways at her, then returned his gaze to the clear water.

"I'm sure Lorlen must have told you I've been a companion to Prince Merin for almost ten years. I spend a lot of my free time with him; we train together, the sort of training a fighting man needs, swords, pikes and other weapons. He regards me as his friend, and I am fond of him. He relies on me and now he is Crown Prince, he says he needs me more than ever. He is afraid of what lies ahead of him. He is unprepared for it; the crown was always something his brother would inherit. Now it has come to him and he fears it. He wants me to leave the Guild and take my place by his side at Court as his Advisor."

"Are there magicians at Court," Neris asked.

He smiled, "That is the key question to ask, Neris! No, magicians are not allowed to be permanently at Court or hold any important position. Any person with magic must enter the Guild. There is no alternative. A person with magic who will not join the Guild or, who wants to leave it, must have their powers blocked. They must be cut off from magic for ever…." His voice trailed away and at that moment, Neris understood his terrible dilemma.

"You do not want to lose your magic," she said. "You can't bear to think of being cut off from it."

He turned to look at her, a crooked smile on his lips, "You do understand, then. I cannot properly explain to someone who is not a magician just what being in touch with your own magic source is like. Inside me there is a place filled with magic. I can go to it anytime, open the door which shields it, and lose myself in its wonder. It is dazzling in its complexity and breadth. At the same time, it is a warm and safe place, full of comfort. With it, I am never truly alone."

"But you feel responsible for the Prince," Neris said.

"Yes. He is not like his brother. Everything was easy for Methin, he was handsome, a skilled fighter, a clever prince. Merin is none of these. He finds princely things difficult, they are not a natural part of his character. I worry that he won't be able to cope and his spirit will be crushed under the burden. So you see my dilemma. I must abandon one of the two things which are important to me and I don't know what to do!"

There was no answer she could make, of course. He was the only one who could decide and they both knew it. She looked at him with pity; whichever choice he made would cause pain and distress either to him or to the Prince.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "There's nothing I can say to help you choose."

"It helps a little to speak about it. I've told no one else because I would get one answer from one person and different answer from another and that would only make it all worse." He picked up her hand and held it his long, elegant fingers curled around her palm, "But you, Neris, little, kind, uncomplicated Neris, you can listen and understand."

He used his other hand to lift her chin and to her astonishment, he kissed her gently on the lips. It wasn't like the pleasant, warm, but ultimately unexciting kiss she had shared with Lorlen. This kiss was like fire running through her veins. The pressure of his lips created a desire to lose herself in his embrace, to forget everything except the feel of his mouth on hers.

The kiss broke and they were left starting into each other's eyes. He whispered her name and she could hear the wonder in his voice. Whatever he'd expected from the kiss, something had surprised him. She put her free arm around his neck and pulled his head down towards hers. She pressed her mouth on his, trying to enclose it and she felt him respond. His lips parted and his tongue traced the shape of her mouth. The sensation was exquisite, and she found herself pressing hard against him.

He pulled away from her and said, "No, no…wait…" and for a moment her heart sank. It was all going wrong. He was going to tell her to leave him alone, but instead he said, "I have a cloak, let's find a more comfortable position….."

She watched him spread a thick brown cloak on the ground, then hold out his hand to her. She giggled and he quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Are you going to provide a picnic?" she asked cheekily and giggled again.

He grinned and shook his head, "There's only one hunger I can satisfy now, you'll have to wait for food."

She lay next to him as he pulled her into his arms, enclosing her so that their bodies touched down their entire length. She rested her head on his chest and listened to the steady beating of his heart. She felt his hands fiddle in her hair, the next moment her hair was loose and falling around her like a smooth brown cape.

"I've wanted to do that since I caught you in my room playing with my boxes!" he said huskily as he buried his face in her long tresses.

"And I've wanted to do this almost from the first time I saw you," she said, exaggerating slightly. She began to kiss his eyes, his cheeks, his lips and then made butterfly kisses down his neck until she found the pulse beating strongly. She made little darting movements around it with her tongue and felt his body shudder.

This time, she didn't quibble as a novice undid the buttons on her shirt. Instead she reciprocated the gesture and ran her hands over his chest and back. His body was smooth and shapely, with a Warrior's honed muscles. She loved the feel of his skin and the way she could make it quiver slightly as her fingers gently traced patterns on his flesh.

Soon they were lying naked on the cloak, their discarded clothing scattered around them. Neris's idea of what was likely to happen next was rather hazy. Floretta hadn't been that clear. She felt she should explain.

"I haven't done this before," she whispered softly, "But I trust you….."

"I won't hurt you," he said breathlessly as his hands caressed her breasts and thighs.

She gave herself up to his lovemaking and was astonished at the sensations he created in her flesh. She stopped trying to think and simply responded to his caresses, letting her hands and lips do what seemed right. She was conscious of a fleeting sharpness as he entered her, but that was soon lost in the waves of pleasure which engulfed her. She could hear low moaning somewhere and it was a few moments before she realised it was coming from her.

His breathing altered and his movements increased in tempo. She could feel him thrusting deep within her, the pleasure increasing with every thrust, until it was almost too much to bear. Then, when she was almost at the point of screaming, she felt him shudder violently and her own body convulse in response and there was a feeling of something bursting around her, filling every inch of her flesh with pleasure. She cried out and heard him echo her cry.

They lay quietly together, allowing their breathing to return to normal. At some point, Akkarin had flicked the edges of the cloak around them, so they were warm. Neither felt like talking, indeed, it was difficult to think of the right words, so they remained lost each in their own thoughts.

She had no way of knowing how he felt about what had happened. For her, it had been perfect and she knew she wanted more, at the same time, she knew that it couldn't last. Magicians did not take servants for wives. Perhaps they kept them as lovers, though. She wondered how it would feel, to be the lover of a magician, a magician who would eventually marry someone else. She imagined it would be painful, but if it meant that she could continue to have moments like these, she thought it'd be worth all the heartache.

Akkarin stirred and she looked up at him, smiling. "Akkarin…" she said his name without the honorific for the first time and it felt right. "Akkarin, that was wonderful."

He returned the smile, "You have a great gift, Neris, a generous, trusting heart."

He ran his fingers through her hair and used it to pull her face close to him. He began to kiss her again, slowly and deeply, until she began to feel again the first stirrings of passion. Her hands drifted down his back urging him on as he began again. This time, because she knew what to expect, she was able to use her body to greater effect, increasing their mutual pleasure. This time, her eyes were open, fixed on his face, watching his expression change as his desire deepened. At the moment of release, his eyes opened and stared into hers, so black, so deeply black, she felt as if she might drown in them.

This time, their separation felt painful to her. She wanted to lie, joined, in his arms, the rest of the world forgotten somewhere, for as long as possible. _This might be the last time_, her mind whispered. _He was lonely today_. _There might never be another chance._

"I cannot stay longer," he said gently, regret in his voice. "I have to give my answer to the Prince."

"What will you say?"

"I cannot give up my magic, not for him, not for anyone." He sighed, "The Prince will be upset, angry, even, but I cannot do it."

He rose to his feet and began to dress. Neris started to gather her clothes, which seemed to be spread out over a great distance, and put them on. She quickly put up her hair and smoothed her skirts. At last she was ready. Akkarin was already dressed and sitting again on the fallen tree, staring at the water. For one crazy moment, Neris had the feeling that the past hour had been a dream, a fantasy her mind had conjured up out of nowhere. Then Akkarin turned to her and held out his hand to draw her to his side. She sat beside him and put her arms around him, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I don't think I can give you up, either, Neris," he murmured and her heart leapt to hear the loving tone in his voice. "We must find a way to be together."


	9. Reality

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Reality**

Neris was in a daze. She found it difficult to concentrate on anything and simply went through her routines automatically. Luckily, the five-day mourning period had led to many novices going home, so there was not as much to do around the Guild as usual. Only the Elyne cousins remained out of her four and without the hours of clearing up Lorlen's usual disorder, Neris found she had time on her hands. She wasn't completely sure that was an entirely good thing.

Akkarin had gone home immediately after his meeting with the Prince. She hadn't seen him again since leaving him at the edge of the forest so she had no idea how the Prince had taken the news. She found herself worrying about Akkarin and what he was feeling, as if she, a mere servant, could do anything about any of it. but that thought didn't stop her disquiet.

She longed for his return. She just wanted to see him, at a distance, or close to, she didn't really care as long as he was nearby. That was all that mattered. She began to make bargains with herself, _If only I can see him, I'll be satisfied with that_, she thought….._If I can touch him, even briefly, that will do for me_. _I'll never ask for anything more every again…..If I can have one more kiss, it will last me a lifetime….._ But she knew, it wasn't enough. She needed to hold him, to feel his arms around her. She needed his lovemaking because it made her feel a whole person for the first time in her life.

Floretta noticed her distraction and asked her if she were feeling well. Neris hastened to reassure her. Memories of the awful concoctions Floretta dosed her with at the first sign of illness made her wary. Then the Laundress complained about her mislabelling of some dirty washing and Neris was afraid that Mistress Mina would have occasion to question how efficiently she carried out her duties.

She made a conscious effort to pull herself together. It would be better when the novices returned and her days were full again. Of course, Akkarin would be back too and she wondered how she was to find the time to be with him. His Freedays were taken up with the Prince and his final examinations were nearing. What time would he have to spend with her? Surely he would be able to think of something? Surely she would be able to organise a bit of free time?

The switching of her moods between elation and despair drove her mad, but she was powerless to stop it. It made it difficult to sleep, although she found if she took a spare pillow and hugged it, she could almost persuade herself it was her lover, and sometimes sleep would follow, but often it was disturbed by dreams she could never remember on waking.

At last the mourning period was over and the novices returned. That morning, there were two requests for breakfast from Lorlen and Akkarin. She hurried to prepare Lorlen's tray and took it to his room. He wanted to tell her about his time at home, but she was impatient to leave. He pressed a small package into her hand and she could hardly bear to take the time to open it and exclaim over its contents, a silken scarf in the deepest blue she had ever seen.

She stammered her thanks, it really was beautiful, but Lorlen merely said, "My family runs the silk trade in Kyralia, you know. They always have bits and pieces of silk lying around the place. This was just part of a pile in a cupboard."

"It is very kind of you to think of me," she said quickly, not wishing to appear ungrateful, "But I have to go, there are other breakfasts to prepare."

Lorlen gave her a long look, "I see," he said, "Breakfasts to prepare. Have the cousins decided to forego the delights of the dining hall today?"

She couldn't prevent the colour from rising, "No, it's Lord Akkarin who desires breakfast."

"He desires breakfast does he? Perhaps he would like to share mine? Shall I ask him?"

She couldn't tell from his expression or tone just what he was thinking. Was he teasing her or was it annoyance she sensed from him? _Why does he have to do this, today of all days! _she thought resentfully.

"If he wished to share your breakfast, surely he would have come to your room? The two notes were side by side in the servants' room, so he must know you're here." She fought to keep her voice level and without expression.

Neris held her breath, would that do or would Lorlen insist. In the event, Lorlen tired of his game, if game it was, and turned to his own food. "You'd better get on, then," was all he said.

She walked quickly back to the servant's room and made up another tray. She resisted the temptation to put in a lot of extras. She made his tea, placed it next to the food and set off for his room, her heart thumping against her ribs. She knocked and heard him call to her. She balanced the tray and opened the door one-handed.

Akkarin was sitting at his desk, with papers and parchments spread out in front of him, he turned his head as she came in and smiled briefly, before returning to the study of the material in front of him. Neris stopped dead and stood, holding the tray, she'd been prepared for many things once she saw him again, but being ignored was not one of them. Her emotions were a seething mass of hurt, uncertainty and confusion. She stared at the back of his head, and a strong desire to throw the contents of the tray over him swept through her mind. Years of training came to her rescue. Almost automatically, she said, "Your breakfast, Lord Akkarin. Where shall I put it?"

He must have sensed something of her feelings, because he got up and came over to her and took the tray from her hands to set it down on the corner of his desk.

"Thank you Neris," he said, but his voice was cool and distant and he looked rather uncomfortable.

They stood looking at each other for a moment, Neris waited for him to speak and when he didn't, she gave a servant's bob and went to leave. Then she heard him say her name quietly. She turned to face him and looked into those black eyes which fascinated her so much, and then, for once, she saw colour in his pale cheeks.

"You wanted something, Lord Akkarin?" she enquired in her best servant's voice.

"Neris, I'm sorry for what happened," his words came out in a rush and it seemed he could scarcely meet her eyes. "I allowed myself to forget certain things when I took advantage of your kindness. I allowed myself to forget how young you are…"

Only one word made an impression on Neris's thoughts, "Kindness! Kindness, is that what you think it was? You think that I am a servant who thinks her duties extend to being kind to magicians in any circumstance, so they get what they need when they want it? You think I lay naked in your arms and joined with you because I felt I should be kind to a troubled magician? Do you consider servants so far below you that they must have no thoughts or feelings of their own? "

Anger overwhelmed her earlier feelings and she could hardly speak for the rage which consumed her. As her words flew from her mouth, his face grew paler than ever and his expression was full of pain, but suddenly she had nothing left. It was if the release of the words had emptied her of all thoughts and emotions. She could bear it no more, and left his room before he could stop her.

She fled to the empty servants' room, giving thanks that the others would be out working. She poured herself a cup of Akkarin's leftover tea, grown cold and bitter now, and sipped it, trying to make sense of it all, but she couldn't. Nothing in her own experience, or in Floretta's advice about how to conduct herself helped. She wanted to hide away and cry. A terrible thought struck her, what if he were to come searching for her? The first place he would look would be the servants' room.

Without a moment's additional thought, she grabbed her cloak and hurried to the stairs, bent on escaping before someone saw her. Once outside, she faced another problem – where did servants go when they wanted to be alone? She was afraid someone would see her and ask what she was doing outside during her work time. She couldn't go home in case someone told Floretta. She couldn't leave the Guild grounds, they wouldn't let her through the gate without questioning her reasons for leaving. So where could she go?

Then a distant memory of the time before she went to school, floated into her mind. Her father had had a place where he worked with his plant breeding programme, an old wooden shed and small patch of garden, tucked out of the way not far from the stables. She had spent happy times there with him, watching his dirt-stained fingers lovingly transplant the tiny cuttings. She ran towards it by the quickest route she knew, praying it would still be there and vacant. She was in luck. When she reached the spot, she could see that the place was neglected and that no one had been there for years.

She pushed open the door and found herself in a familiar room. It smelt of damp and neglect, but she felt comfortable being there. Even her father's old stool was tossed in a corner, covered with dust and cob webs, but at least it was something which belonged to her past, something she knew well from happier times. She set it upright and sank down upon it, then the tears she had wanted to shed since Akkarin had spoken to her came at last.

It seemed as if she'd cried for hours. Her small handkerchief was wet through with her tears. She slowly began to see things from Akkarin's viewpoint. He was a noble from an important house, as well as the companion of a future King, used to servants waiting on him hand and foot, fulfilling his every desire. In addition he was privileged to be a magician, which set him apart from everyone else in Kyralia and made him special. She, on the other hand, was a servant, with no other prospect in life except to be a higher-ranking servant. She was pretty enough, she supposed, to make kissing her and the rest of it pleasant enough, but it was nothing more than an afternoon's idle pleasure. How foolish she'd been to take the words he'd said immediately afterwards as the literal truth, they were merely kind words to the servant who had served her purpose. It was obvious from his reaction when she brought the tray that he regretted saying those things to her and was fearful of how serious she had thought him.

At this point in her deliberations, she began to see what must happen now. She must take the first opportunity of apologising to Akkar…to Lord Akkarin for her bad temper and reassuring him that she understood completely. Next she must ensure that their future relationship was purely that of a novice and his servant. It would not be long until he graduated and thereafter, she wouldn't see very much of him. All she had to do was to remember her place for the rest of the time he was living in the Novices' Quarters and everything would be back to normal.

Her decision made, she hoped she would feel better, but it didn't seem to be case. Her eyes were dry, but inside her heart wept. She shut her eyes, but all she could see was his face and those piercing eyes. She opened them again, but the sick feeling remained. She couldn't believe how mistaken she'd been. How easily she had taken his words about finding a way to be together as an absolute truth. She remembered his earlier comment about her being '…a little girl…' and that was exactly what she'd been – a naive and foolish little girl.

_I can't stay here!_ The words had been running through her mind for quite a while before she became conscious of them. She had to get back; it was unheard of for a servant to run off like this. She guessed her eyes would be red from the weeping, but there was little she could do about it. She made sure her clothing and hair was tidy and set off for the Novices' Quarters. Perhaps she'd be able to sneak back in before anyone noticed she was missing.

It was a faint hope, and it was dashed as soon as she entered the building. Mistress Mina's door was open, so she could see who was in the entrance hall. As soon as she saw Neris, she called for her to come to her office.

"Shut the door, Neris and stand here." The Housekeeper's face was stern and she pointed to a spot immediately in front of her desk.

"Lord Koben had need of your assistance earlier this morning, but you were nowhere to be found. I had to send another servant to look after your novice! Where were you?"

"I'm sorry, Mistress Mina. I felt unwell and needed some fresh air." Neris hoped a simple explanation would be sufficient, but Mistress Mina was not in a mood to be charitable.

"If you feel unwell, you report to me. I will decide if you need fresh air, or anything else. My servants do not simply disappear and then reappear over an hour later as it nothing had happened. I suppose you were just going back to the top floor to carry on as normal. Well, that is certainly not what you are going to do!"

Mistress Mina stared at Neris coldly, "In my early days as a servant, such a thing would have led to a whipping. You can be thankful that these days, whippings are rarely used unless a servant has a very bad record of poor behaviour."

She paused and flicked open a ledger, she turned a few pages, then reached for her pen and slowly dipped in the ink. Neris watched her, fascinated by her actions, her heart beating rapidly as she awaited her punishment. Mistress Mina wrote a few words in the ledger and carefully wiped her pen before putting it down. She raised her head and looked at Neris.

"You know my feelings about the work Mistress Harban decreed for you. Well, up to now I have been pleasantly surprised at how well you have coped. However, what you did today is a serious matter and you will be punished. You will not be allowed your free time for one week. Instead, you will use that time to clean all the latrines on the male side of the building. I expect you to finish all of them, no matter how long it takes you. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mistress Mina," she replied inwardly shuddering. She thought a whipping might have been better, at least it would have been over in a few minutes. Cleaning dozens of latrines would take a very long time.

"Go back to your work. When you see Lord Koben next, apologise for not being where you should have been!"

"Yes Mistress Mina."

As she climbed the stairs, Neris couldn't help but laugh humourlessly. Now she had two apologies to make. How long before Lorlen and Evren required an apology too!


	10. Tomorrow

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Tomorrow**

Akkarin vanished again and for the next three days Neris saw no sign of him or even any indication that he had been in his room. She went through the motions of cleaning a perfectly clean and tidy room; she even unmade and remade his unused bed. It was almost as if she believed if she lingered in his room, he would return, but he did not.

Lord Koben had listened to her apology with disdain and she was made to understand just how much he despised a servant who was not there when wanted. Perhaps he thought she needed more of a reminder of her duties because he made her take out every book in his considerable collection and dust it carefully before replacing it in a perfectly clean bookcase. He watched her during the entire process, something she found very disquieting. With another novice, she might have suspected some sort of carnal interest in watching her bend and stretch, but she had once caught Lord Koben and his cousin, half-naked and engaged in a passionate embrace, so she had no fears on that score.

Word of her punishment had somehow got out to the other servants and they teased her about what to expect. Those, for whom cleaning the latrines was part of their normal work, were highly pleased that they would escape it on Freeday. They began loudly to tell tales of what a servant might find in the dark and damp corners whenever she was within earshot. A few of the comments were particularly nasty because they regarded her as Mistress Mina's pet and resented her presence among them. _If only they knew how much she dislikes having me here too_, she thought as she pretended not to hear.

All too soon, Freeday arrived. Lorlen had mentioned he was going into the city and might see her there, but she didn't tell him that she wouldn't be going. To do that would cause him to ask questions and she really didn't want to have to explain why her free afternoon had been taken away. She feared he half-suspected there was something between his friend and their servant and she had no wish, especially now when she was determined to put an end to it, to encourage his suspicions.

She went to the servants' room to take some food; she didn't want to stay there to eat it because she knew the teasing would reach its peak. She wrapped some bread and cheese in a clean cloth and added some fruit and went outside the Novices' Quarters to find a quiet place to have her meal.

There were many places in the Guild where servants were not able to go, unless required by their work. The beautiful gardens were one of the places and Neris, who loved flowers and plants, regretted that they were out of bounds. She often walked past them and looked with envy at the magicians who were able to sit and enjoy the gardens as long as they liked. So, she returned to her father's old potting shed, using her childhood memories of it to stand in for the plants and flowers which were no longer there. She didn't have much time because she had to report to Mistress Mina who would explain what she would be expected to do. Neris had tried to find out exactly how many there were, opinions varied but the consensus was between forty and fifty separate latrines. Most were grouped in blocks of eight, but some floors had individual ones. She had no idea how long it would take to clean them all. The only thing she knew was the work was usually shared between four servants, and it took each of them about two or three hours to finish.

She finished the last of her food and sighed. The sooner she started, the sooner she would finish. She left the potting shed and returned to the Novices' Quarters. Mistress Mina's door was shut but she called out for her to enter as soon as Neris knocked.

Telling her she would need buckets of hot water, a mop, scrubbing brush, soap, and plenty of cloths, Mistress Mina made absolutely clear the standard of cleanliness she expected to find when she inspected Neris's work.

"You will come down to tell me when you've finished and I will check every one. If I find you have not cleaned any sufficiently, you will have to do them again until I am satisfied. Is that clear, Neris?" Mistress Mina's voice echoed her stern expression. "Now, off you go and don't waste any time."

It was getting dark by the time she reached the top floor of the building. She thought she'd cleaned over thirty latrines, although she'd lost count a couple of hours ago. The work was as unpleasant and as monotonous as she'd imagined and she soon realised that some of the tales told by other servants were not that far short of the truth.

She pushed open the door and surveyed the final year novices' latrines. There were ten in this block, along with some basins for washing. The floor was swimming in liquid that was more than simply water at the far end and she could see that several of the basins were blocked. She put down her bucket of hot water and used the mop to clear up most of the liquid. She was contemplating the best way to deal with what was left, when the door opened and someone came in, knocking into her bucket and spilling a little of the hot, soapy water as he did so.

"Oh, sorry," a voice said, then there was a pause, "Neris, what are you doing here and on your Freeday too?"

She turned to find Lorlen looking at her curiously and felt shame colour her cheeks. She would have to tell him.

"I have to work all day today. I broke one of Mistress Mina's rules and I have to clean all the latrines." She couldn't prevent a miserable tone creeping into her voice.

"I wondered why I didn't see you in the city," he said sympathetically, "What a rotten job, what rule did you break to deserve this?"

"I left my work and went outside, I wasn't feeling well, but I should have told Mistress Mina first, not just gone. I was away for quite a while and then Lord Koben needed me, but I wasn't there."

She hoped he wouldn't ask what made her feel ill. She remembered Akka…Lord Akkarin telling her it was impossible to lie successfully to magicians, but she'd told enough of the truth to think it would be all right, a feeling that was confirmed by the sympathetic expression on Lorlen's face.

He looked round the room, "If only they'd let us use magic, things wouldn't get into this state, but they won't." He smiled wickedly at Neris, "If they let us use magic, we wouldn't need servants to clean up after us. It could all be done in an instant!"

She smiled back, there was something about Lorlen which encouraged smiles, "Then I wouldn't have any work. What would I do then?"

He looked at her, and paused while he considered his answer, "I'm sure there would be something for a pretty girl like you to do."

She had a good idea what he meant, but was determined not to let it show, "Well, I suppose I could work in the gardens, like my father, he taught me a lot about plants and I do love them so."

If Lorlen was disappointed by her reply, he didn't show it. Instead he stared at the room and his face acquired a look of concentration. He stayed perfectly still for a short while, then made a quick movement she couldn't follow. To Neris's surprise, the room started to clean itself. The liquid disappeared from the floor, the basins unblocked themselves and the floors and walls took on a clean shine. It only took a moment.

"Oh, Lorlen, you've broken the rules again," she said, "You'll get into terrible trouble if anyone finds out."

He snorted, "I've been breaking rules for years, sometimes I've been caught, sometimes I haven't been caught. You have to take risks if you want to have some fun, otherwise being a novice is just hard work. I wish I'd come back earlier and saved you more work."

"I thought they could tell if someone was using magic who shouldn't be," she said curiously. "At least that's what they told us when I was learning about the Guild."

"That's true, the Higher Magicians can often sense magic being used. They can easily tell if magic is being used in Imardin, for example, but here it's more difficult. There are classes going on in the University which require the use of magic, Warriors practising in the Arena, qualified magicians getting on with their work, so we novices can often get away with using it, as long as we don't make a habit of it, the chances are no one will find out. I could tell you some tales…" His voice faded as he contemplated some of his earlier escapades.

"Well I'm very grateful for your help, Lorlen. At least I won't be too late home tonight."

"It was nothing, Neris," he grinned at her, "I'm glad you're back to calling me Lorlen again! Perhaps we may go for another picnic sometime?"

With that, he vanished through the door before she had chance to say anything. She must try to remember the proper form of address when speaking to magicians, if she forgot with Lorlen, it was quite possible she would forget with someone else and she'd be in trouble again. She giggled to herself, _I don't suppose Lord Koben would take very kindly to being addressed as if he were a servant!_

She went to report to Mistress Mina that she'd completed her task and then dutifully followed behind her as she checked each and every place that Neris had cleaned. She was meticulous in searching out the darkest corners, looking behind doors and running her fingers around basins and ledges. Finally, they finished and Mistress Mina had to admit that Neris had done everything to the correct standard.

She smiled frostily, "Well cleaned, Neris. I know you're a good worker, so it's important you don't let your standards slip. I don't want to have to punish you again for breaking the rules. You make certain you do everything properly in future."

Neris nodded her agreement and, receiving a gesture of dismissal, went thankfully to put her cleaning equipment away. She took her cloak off the peg and decided she would be able to get home just before Floretta was due. Then she wouldn't have to explain any lateness. She hadn't admitted to losing her Freeday, after Jervan's problems, she didn't want her mother to think her second child was a poor servant too.

Outside the Novices' Quarters, she glanced up at the sky; the Eye had not yet risen very high in the heavens, so there was nothing to compensate for the fading daylight. She set off for home, keeping a wary eye out for Floretta. She hadn't gone far when she saw a familiar tall figure coming towards her along the path which linked the Novices' Quarters with the Servants' Quarters. Akkarin was back.

She felt a moment's panic. She didn't want to talk to him tonight. She was tired and knew she would need a clear head in order to get though her apology without stuttering. She looked around, where could she hide? Luckily, the path was edged with bushes and small trees along its route, which offered a hiding place. She moved off the path until she was partially hidden in the undergrowth. At the last minute, she wondered if magicians could tell when people were hiding nearby, but it was too late to worry about that.

Akkarin drew near to where she was and Neris could see his profile quite clearly. He appeared to be deep in thought and to her relief he looked neither to the right nor the left as he walked quickly along the path. She gazed after his slim figure as it gradually disappeared from view. He had the most distinctive walk of anyone she knew and she would know him anywhere no matter how large the crowd. He moved quickly, but, it seemed, with little or no effort, as if he merely glided along gracefully, like the large white birds which were often found on rivers and lakes. The rather ugly novice's robes he wore couldn't disguise the suppleness of his body, or the grace of his movements.

She emerged again on to the path and resumed her journey home, her thoughts, despite her good intentions, once more full of Akkarin. She wished she could see him at work in the Arena, practising his Warrior skills, but that would never happen. Her world was the Novices' Quarters and home, opportunities to go to other parts of the Guild were few and unlikely to come in her direction. _Perhaps it's as well_, she thought with some amusement. _If the mere sight of him walking along a path arouses these feelings, what would seeing him in the Arena do?_

She tried to pin down exactly what it was which drew her to him. He was good looking, yes, but so were many others. He didn't have the open, easy manner of Lorlen, in fact he was moody and distant most of the time. But, when he smiled, when he spoke to her as he did that day in the forest, there was no one to match him. She decided that it was this hidden reservoir of emotion, usually well guarded, which attracted her. This mysterious core of him, which he took care to conceal from others, was the lure which drew her in. She wanted to be the one to release it, to see him transform into the man of passion and feeling she had merely glimpsed briefly when they lay on the cloak in the woods.

Cold reality swamped her musings. It was not her place to reveal his mysteries. Already he regretted what he'd revealed, she could tell that from his awkwardness when they met again. That he was a kind man, she had no doubt, and he was probably wondering how to gently let her know of the mistake she'd made. Her resolve hardened. Tomorrow, she would make her apologies. She would let him know she understood and had no expectations. Tomorrow, it would all come to an end and she would learn to forget.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.


	11. Clarification

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Clarification**

Despite Neris's best intentions, she wasn't able to speak with Akkarin in the morning. She arrived at the Novices' Quarters to find the top floor awash with novices rushing to get to the University. The Elyne cousins had already left when she got there. Lorlen was just coming out of his room, clutching a bundle of papers, as well as his box, and there was no sign of Akkarin _As usual!_ she thought resignedly.

"What's happening?" she managed to say as Lorlen started past her obviously in a hurry, "Where is everyone going?"

"Final year observed tests of magic," he said. "They like to spring these on us with only an hour's notice, so we can't prepare very much. Can't stop, I'm already late."

With that, he was gone along with the others who seemed to have vanished into thin air.

Neris was disheartened. She had lain awake most of the night, going over and over in her mind the things she needed to say. By the time morning came, she was almost word perfect and now, all she wanted to do was get the whole thing over, so she could go back to normal. But to do that, she needed to see Akkarin.

She collected her cleaning equipment and returned to her four rooms. She followed her usual routine, first the Elyne cousins' rooms, then Lorlen's and finally Akkarin's. As usual, his room was reasonably tidy except that this morning, his bed was unmade. She set about making it and noticed a tiny scrap of paper lying under the pillow. She picked it up, preparing to throw it in with the rest of the rubbish, when she noticed her name written on it.

She turned it over and read, _I need to talk to you. I will be back here at mid-day._

She was unprepared for the rush of joyful feelings which swept through her. _He isn't trying to avoid me! _was her first thought. Quickly followed by _Don't be so silly, he just wants to make sure you understand! _She firmly pushed the happy thoughts to the back of her mind and got on with her task. All the while she was working, she was able to keep her thoughts at bay, but the minute she finished, back they came. She couldn't stop herself imagining the conversation they would have, much to her deep frustration.

In order to distract herself, she went over to the arrangement of boxes and began to look more closely at them. He had added a few more to the collection since the last time she'd examined them. The latest additions were a set of three, each one a little smaller so they could fit inside one another. They were made of the same dark wood as her favourite, but these were carved with stars, moons and clouds instead of landscapes or flowers. There were no jewels in these, but they had similar gold clasps and hinges.

She put them down and sighed. They were so beautiful and she wished she could have one, but she remembered that Akkarin had said they were rare and costly. Still, the next best thing to owning one was to hold one in her hands every so often. She carefully dusted the collection, then tackled the delicate ornaments. They were so fragile, she hardly dared do more than lightly flick them with her cloth. It still puzzled her that a future Warrior who loved warfare and weapons should have such an interest in things of beauty. She wondered if his fellow novices knew about this interest and if they teased him about it.

_No_, she thought, _I don't think they would dare to tease him, not when he can be so cold and distant. _

She could drag it out no longer; Akkarin's room was done. The last task was to collect his dirty laundry and put it in the bag. She took it down to the Servants' room and collected her broom to clean the corridor. That didn't take long so she went back to the servants' room to see if anything needed doing there. It was only a few minutes to mid-day, so she didn't have long to wait. At last she could hear the distant bell from the University releasing students to their mid-day meal.

She returned to Akkarin's room and let herself in. He arrived a few minutes later, but instead of letting her speak, he said quickly, "We must find somewhere else to talk. If we stay here, Lorlen is likely to want to come in."

"I know just the place," she said. "There's an old abandoned potting shed not far from the stables. No one goes there. Do you know it?"

He shook his head, but said, "You go, I'll find it!"

And she found herself outside his closed door, with little memory of how she came to be there. She went to take some food from the Servants' room, wrapping bread, fruit and cheese in a clean cloth. She had nothing to carry any fruit juice or water in, so she left them. Ignoring the others, who weren't interested in what she was doing anyway, she quickly went outside and made her way to her father's old shed.

As she pushed open the door, she suddenly thought to herself that it was a foolish place to use for a private talk. It was damp and dirty with only a few bits of furniture, and most of that in poor condition. She looked around. There was her father's stool, but she needed another seat. She doubted they would be there very long, but they might need to sit down at some point in the conversation. There was nothing obvious but she spotted a rickety bench lying behind a broken table and dragged it out. She brushed off the dust and set it upright. It wobbled a bit, but seemed sound. It would do.

As she considered it, she heard a faint sound from behind her and turned to see Akkarin entering the building. He carefully closed the door and stood surveying the scene.

"Well, Neris," he said somewhat mockingly as he glanced slowly around, "You do know some interesting places."

She could feel her face colour, _Again!_ she thought despairingly, _I'm either blushing or crying whenever we meet!_

"I'm sorry, but it was the only place I could think of where no one comes." Her words were said through stiff lips. _What does he expect? That I can think of a quiet, but fine place for a meeting just like that? That I am in the habit of meeting magicians and have a range of places to choose from?_

He must have noticed her stiff expression because he said in a softer voice, "It's all right, I understand. Now, let me see what I can do."

He glanced round, then his gaze fixed on a corner which wasn't so cluttered with things. He went over to it and used a little magic to clean it up. Under Neris's fascinated gaze, the dust and dirt disappeared and floor and walls seemed to regain a little of their youth. A rug appeared, followed by thick blanket, which neatly filled the corner. The old potting shed grew warmer, somehow, as if the gaps in the floor and walls had been stopped up. Although she had lived in the Guild all her life, Neris was enthralled whenever she saw magic in action. A great longing arose in her, if only she had even the smallest glimmer of magic, how different her life would have been.

"Shall we sit down?" Akkarin's voice disturbed her thoughts and she looked over at him guiltily. Servants were not supposed to dream of having magic.

He was standing by the blanket, a faint smile on his face. She went over and sat down, bringing out the package of food she'd collected earlier. She opened it and spread out the bread, cheese and fruit.

Akkarin's smile broadened, "Have you brought a picnic, Neris?"

She wisely kept silent, any answer would lead to difficulties. She was uncertain of his mood. She'd expected him to be uncomfortable, perhaps, and distant, but this was the warm Akkarin she'd glimpsed rarely. He dropped down beside her and picked up a piece of fruit, biting into it and licking the juice from his fingers. She was fascinated by the way he held his hands, and wondered if he showed them off deliberately.

"Lord Akkarin….." she started, intent on delivering her prepared speech, but he was quick to interrupt her.

"Before you start, I have something I must say." He avoided her eyes for a moment, staring down at the half-eaten fruit in his hand as if seeking inspiration, then he raised his head and looked straight at her.

"You were right to be angry with me the other morning. We shared something in the forest. You know it. I know it. It wasn't a thing done lightly, which could be acknowledged, then forgotten. I, for one, cannot forget it."

He stopped again and Neris got the strong impression that he was unsure of what to say next. She found herself leaning a little closer to him, drowning in his dark eyes, while her heart began thumping loudly in her chest. As she looked into his face, she noticed a frown appear on his forehead and the colour crept into his cheeks. All at once, she realised just how nervous he was. This was not the confident young magician, this was a young man trying to express his feelings to a young girl. All at once, she felt she was the older, more confident of the two of them. She reached out and laid her hand on his arm.

"I understand," was all she said, instinct telling her not to say more.

He nodded, gratefully, "I know you do, that's what is so astonishing; that you have an uncanny way of knowing what I'm trying to say. You instantly understood my dilemma when I spoke to you in the forest. The other morning, when you were angry with me, you understood what I was trying to say was not truly how I felt."

He took her hand between his own, "Neris, there's something about you I find compelling and I don't know what it is. I feel we have some sort of connection, that the fates mean for us to be together in some way; that you serve some purpose in my life. If you were a magician, I would almost think you've cast a spell on me!"

She couldn't help herself, she laughed, "If only you knew how much I wish I could do magic! The things I could make happen, just like that, it would be wonderful."

"Magic is a hard master." There was something in his voice she hadn't heard before. "It drives you to do things you couldn't even begin to imagine and once you are caught in its spell, it won't let you escape. Once you have tasted it, you spend the rest of your life doing everything you can to hold on to it."

"You make it sound like a burden."

"That's exactly what it is, a burden, and it drives me hard. I have to explore and investigate, to try to experience all types of magic, to test the limits of my power. Oh, yes, a burden is exactly what it is."

She looked at him curiously, "Lorlen told me once you had a plan. For afterwards, after you graduate, I mean."

"Lorlen is a chatterbox!" His voice was indulgent and she could see how fond he was of his chattering friend. "My plan has always been to travel and explore the magic that's out there in the rest of the world. To find out what other lands can teach me about magic. Then, once that is done, I'll return to Imardin and write the most detailed book ever written on magic and I will be the greatest authority on magic in the Guild!"

He stopped, perhaps regretting his disclosures. "Of course, that is what I want to do, but the Guild may have other plans for me."

They had strayed far from the original reason for their meeting and Neris was conscious of the time. She must soon return to her work or risk being punished again by Mistress Mina.

"Akkarin, what did you want to say to me?"

He sighed, "I want to say I don't regret what happened in the forest. I want to say I hope you feel the same way. I want to say that I want to see you more often."

Neris could hardly speak, so full of happiness as she was, "I don't regret anything which has happened between us, how could I? I think you have bespelled ME!"

She leant closer and took his face between her hands and kissed him softly, "I rather like your forest picnics, but I'll bring food next time. But now, I have to go. My meal time is over and Mistress Mina will be wondering where I am."

His arms tightened around her for a moment as he returned her kiss. Then he drew apart from her a little, and said, "My next Freeday is actually free, Prince Merin is travelling with the King. Will you be able to meet me?"

"Yes, of course I will."

She was rewarded with one of his warm smiles, and her heart leapt in her chest. They finalised their arrangements, then it was time to leave. Akkarin turned again to what she now called 'their corner' and returned it to its usual neglected state. He sent her off first, just in case anyone should notice the comings and goings from a supposedly deserted building.

As she made her way back to the Novices' Quarters, her mind was filled with delightful anticipation of their next meeting. Only three days to wait, but even that seemed a lifetime.


	12. A Contentment of Sorts

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**A Contentment of Sorts**

The three days passed, although each day seemed to last twice as long as usual. Finally, it was Freeday and all that morning, Neris's heart sang and her work was done in a blur so afterwards she was never entirely sure what she did or didn't do. She barely registered what people said to her and Lorlen had to speak to her twice before she noticed.

She had brought her ordinary clothes to work with her that morning so she didn't need to waste any time going home to fetch them. She quickly changed out of her servant's clothing and into her favourite blue garments, adding Lorlen's beautiful silk scarf to brighten up the white shirt. A quick glance in a mirror told her it brought out the blueness in her eyes and she was very pleased with the result. She hoped that others might notice the effect.

She had arranged to meet Akkarin in a clearing in the forest, not too far from the road. She was not very good at finding her way around woodland, but she had carefully memorised the route he had chosen for her. He had the advantage of knowing the forest well and she couldn't help wondering if he had taken this journey before with other willing girls.

She was the first to arrive and was uncertain quite what to do. She found a fallen tree, and perched on its trunk, putting the basket of food down at her feet. It was only servant's fare, and not the tasty feast she would liked to have brought, but it was the best she could do. The weather was certainly getting warmer and the first wild flowers of the approaching springtime were beginning to appear. She noticed a patch of small, white flowers nestling around one of the old trees and went over to pick some. They had a strong scent and she was standing there, with her nose buried in her posy when Akkarin appeared from between the trees.

He spoke her name quietly, but it still made her jump. She looked up and found him looking at her, a faint smile on his face, "The Lady of the Flowers," he said, "What a pretty picture you make, standing there all in blue and white."

He came over to her and gathered her into his arms, the flowers falling unheeded as she flung her arms round his neck. They kissed and as usual, Neris felt the fire begin to burn in her blood. It was always the same and she wondered if everyone felt this slow burning spread through their bodies when they kissed their lover.

"We must move deeper into the forest."

He took her hand and led her down a narrow, overgrown path, farther away from the road into the city. They walked for several minutes, Neris content to go where he led, without any thought of trying to remember the way. They eventually reached another small clearing with some tumbled rocks scattered around. Akkarin walked around the largest pile of rocks and pointed to a small hollow.

"We'll stop here, it's sheltered and anyone who happens to come this way will not see us."

She noticed that he, too, was carrying a bag. He set it down and pulled open the flap. Out came a thick cloak and some packages. Akkarin spread the cloak out in the hollow and pulled her down beside him. They began to set out the food they'd brought. Along with her usual bread, cheese and fruit, Akkarin contributed some sliced meat, a dish of pickles, some tiny cheese tarts and a bottle of wine.

They looked at the food and then at each other. By common consent, they pushed the food aside and began to satisfy their other hungers. Although the weather was warmer, it was cool in the hollow as sunlight had not yet warmed the spot. Akkarin created a bubble of warmth around them as they shed their clothes and began to explore their bodies with long, tender caresses and frequent kisses. As before, Neris found herself swept along by fierce tides which surged through her, leaving her entire body tingling and feeling so very much alive.

Afterwards, they munched on the food, drank the wine and talked. Not deep emotional talk revealing long-held feelings but light-hearted, happy talk that all young lovers share. They told stories from their past and laughed at humorous descriptions of fellow novices and servants. At some point, the laughter ceased and they turned again to lovemaking.

In the aftermath, Neris dozed a little and awoke to find Akkarin gone. For a confused moment she was afraid he'd left her alone, then she noticed his novice's robes lying in a careless pile and was reassured. He came back a little while later. She pretended to still be asleep and looked at him through her eyelashes. He was wearing only the loose trousers of his novice's uniform, leaving his upper body bare and she was enthralled by the grace of his movements, the fluidity of motion, as he crossed the clearing. He came up to her and she saw his hands were full of the white flowers. He stood, gazing down on her, and she forced herself to remain still. He knelt beside her and spread the flowers around her so that the perfume filled her head.

"I know you're awake, little one," he whispered.

She fully opened her eyes and pulled a face at him, "Do you always know everything?"

"Yes," he said seriously, "I'm a magician and I know everything."

She laughed and was about to say something to tease him, when she paused. His expression showed that he meant exactly what he said, so she changed her mind and said something about the flowers instead. The rest of their time passed quickly and soon they were on their way back to the road. Just before he left her, Akkarin held her close to him and whispered of his delight in her and the wonderful time they'd spent. As they drew apart, he reached into a pocket and pulled out a small, square package, which he pressed into her hands.

"Don't open it now," he said quickly as she started to undo the wrappings, "Wait until you are alone."

Then he was gone, melting into the forest so quickly she couldn't track where he went. She looked at the package, then put it into her own pocket, opening it would have to wait until she was home.

Later that night, safe in her own room, she brought out the package and placed it beside her on the bed. She stared at it for a moment. She couldn't think what it could be, all sorts of things flashed through her mind as she undid the wrappings. It was wrapped securely and it took her a few moments to reveal the object. When she did, she sat back in amazement for inside the package was a small dark box, just like the ones she'd admired in his room. This one had plain hinges and clasp, made of some dark metal, but the carvings were clouds, moons and stars, exactly the same as his own recently acquired boxes. It was, like the others, beautifully carved and she ran her fingers over it appreciatively. As she picked it up, she could hear something shift inside. She opened it and found a small cloth-covered parcel. When she undid that, she found a thin gold chain carrying a golden disk. On one side, her name was engraved in flowing script, and on the other, there was a representation of the Eye of Heaven, surrounded by stars.

Her mouth opened in a silent exclamation of surprise. It was the most wonderful thing she'd ever seen. The box, by itself would have been wonderful enough, but to add to it an exquisite pendant on a golden chain made the whole gift breathtaking.

She rushed over to her mirror and put the chain round her neck. It was long enough for the gold disk to slip down and hang between her breasts, completely out of sight. It was cold at first, but soon warmed to her touch. _A bit like Akkarin_, she thought suddenly. _He was cold at first…. _She was pleased the chain was so long because it meant she could wear it undetected.

She looked around for somewhere to keep the box. If she left it on view, Floretta was sure to ask where it came from and it wasn't the sort of thing Neris was in the habit of buying with her two silvers a week. She had a chest of drawers where she kept spare clothing. She opened the bottom drawer and tucked the box underneath the clothing, right at the back. Floretta was unlikely to search her room, so the box was safe.

The next time she saw Akkarin, she tried to thank him for the gift, but he placed his fingers over her mouth.

"It is only a small token of my gratitude," he said, "You have given me much more than I could ever give you." And he would say nothing more or allow her to mention the gift again.

They were unable to meet for the next three or four Freedays and had to be content with hurried meetings in his room or, more often, in the potting shed. Akkarin had used magic to make the surroundings much more comfortable, although he took care to disguise his changes every time they left. He also warned Neris to find different routes to the building, so that she didn't create a trail.

"This place has been forgotten," he said, "And we must make sure it stays that way. The vegetation has grown up in the years since your father used it, but if we start regularly coming the same way, we will wear a clear path and someone will eventually notice it. I can't use magic to hide it because a passing magician would soon sense a spell was being used." He noticed she looked puzzled and added, "Constant use of a spell leaves traces which magicians can often sense. Finding one unexpectedly around some vegetation would cause him or her to investigate more thoroughly."

That thought had never occurred to her, but she realised the truth of what he said. What she was doing was absolutely forbidden by all the rules which guided servants' lives, and she didn't want to think of what could happen if they were caught.

They never spoke of the future, or what might happen, both of them were content to live in the moment, making the most of every opportunity to be together, even if it were only a few snatched minutes between waking and breakfast. These brief, precious moments were worth the long, empty hours of waiting for the next opportunity to touch. When he wasn't there, she missed him terribly and although he never said anything to her, she hoped he felt the same.

Lying, sleepless, in her narrow bed, she often wondered what went on in his mind. She had no doubt that he took pleasure in their lovemaking, and wanted to spend time with her, but in many ways, he was still the moody and mysterious novice she had first met. Since that one time he had talked about his plans for the future, he'd never spoken of what would follow his graduation. Most magicians, she knew, stayed in the Guild and continued their studies, but he was not like most magicians. His horizons were different and she was sure his future would be different, too.

Deep in her heart, carefully locked away from daily thought, lay her own secret wishes. There, lived the hope that somehow she would be part of his future, even if it were only a small part on the edges of his life. Because she couldn't even begin to see how that would be possible, she kept this hope carefully confined and it was only in the depths of night that she allowed it to resurface only to push it away again when no easy answers came.

The next Freeday when Akkarin was not required at Court, saw them back at the clearing with the hollow. The white flowers were over, but Akkarin used magic to create other flowers to replace them and they spent several happy hours making love, eating, sleeping and talking. There was much laughter and happiness, as both of them shut off thoughts of their very different daily lives and concentrated only on the pleasures of the moment.

This time, it was Neris's turn to provide a gift. She had wondered exactly what someone bought a wealthy young man who was able to buy anything he wanted. In the end, she decided to make him something and spent several hours making a handkerchief from some fine linen she had found in the market and embroidering it with an 'A' in blue thread.

"This is for you, I made it," she said hurriedly as she pushed the folded material into his hand. "It's not valuable, but it's rare – I've never made one before and I probably will never make one again," she smiled up at him proudly.

He took it, examined it closely and said all the expected things about her thoughtfulness and the quality of her workmanship. She hadn't yet put up her hair, which was falling about her face and down her back, almost to her waist. He pushed his hands into it and wound the shining light brown locks around his fingers and used it to pull her gently towards him, "Thank you, Neris," he said softly, "I shall treasure it."

Later, as they were nearing the path to the road, he stopped and turned to face her. His face was expressionless as he explained that all his free time for the next few weeks was taken up with the Prince's requirements. "I know you'll be disappointed, and if I could change things, I would, Neris, but the Prince has first claim on my time."

She felt her eyes fill with tears and hurriedly blinked them away. He had never pretended that he could just be with her and she understood his importance to others, but it was hard.

"But I'll see you in the Novices' Quarters, won't I?" she said quickly. "We can still spend some time at mid-day together."

"I'll make sure we do," he said firmly and with that she was content.


	13. Lorlen's Warning

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Lorlen's Warning**

Despite Akkarin's promise, there were very few opportunities to meet at the old potting shed in the weeks that followed. He was never in evidence on Freedays and his time in the University seemed to be taken up with extra studies and work with his Warrior trainers. They saw each other sometimes in the mornings, but that was a fraught time because Lorlen was quite likely to come blundering into Akkarin's room, frequently without knocking first. He almost caught them in a close embrace a couple of times and afterwards, the thought of discovery seemed to cast a cloud over their kisses.

Neris found this time particularly frustrating. Unlike Akkarin, she had little to do except her servants' work and that was physical rather than mental, so there wasn't much to keep her mind occupied. She walked into Imardin on Freedays, and had gradually managed to assemble a nice collection of good quality clothes from the market stall, but her pleasure in owning them was tempered by the fact that she had no one to wear them for.

It was on one of her visits to Imardin that she met Lorlen in the market square. She had just spent a fruitless time sorting through the second-hand garments. There were still a few hours left of her free time so she was reluctant to return home but she was feeling rather bored. She was staring at some cakes and pastries on another stall when a merry voice said in her ear, "Well, Neris, which one would you like?"

She turned to find Lorlen standing next to her, his usual warm smile on his face. She smiled back at him automatically, it was difficult to resist Lorlen's smile.

"Oh, I'm not very hungry," she said, "I had several tartlets at meal time and rather wish I hadn't!"

Lorlen looked at the display and made a careful selection. The stall keeper put his choices into a neat parcel, tied up with colourful string. Lorlen took it and, with his other hand, placed Neris's arm around his own, "Now, let's find something drink somewhere, then sit down and have a nice long chat. It's quite a while since we've done that."

And Neris found herself propelled along at Lorlen's side, her brief protest ignored. They stopped at another stall, where Lorlen purchased some fruit juice, then he led her through a maze of side streets until they came to a small sunny square with a fountain in the middle, some flowerbeds surrounding it, and several benches. He chose one in a warm spot and they sat down.

Neris watched him undo the parcel and soon found herself in possession of a small, pink cake with some berries on the top. She really didn't feel like eating, but she didn't know how to refuse, so she sat holding it while Lorlen sorted out the fruit juice. He took a similar cake and raising it in a mock salute, said, "Happy eating!" and took a bite. Neris did the same and found herself with a mouthful of delicious sweetness, with a strong flavour of summer fruit. It was the nicest cake she'd had for a long time.

Lorlen was watching her reaction and grinned as she went, "Mmmmm, what a lovely taste!"

"I knew you'd like it," he said with satisfaction. "There's always room for one of these, no matter how much you've eaten. Our family cook used to make them when I was a boy and she'd always save one or two for me. I spent many a happy time in the kitchen munching on these."

They sat in silence for a time and finished the cakes and fruit juice. It was pleasant in the sun and the little square was quiet with only one or two of the benches occupied. Neris sighed in contentment and held her face up to the sun.

"That's better," Lorlen said suddenly, "You look much happier now."

Neris was startled by his words, "Don't I always look happy?" she asked curiously.

Lorlen looked at her for a moment, "No," he said bluntly, "Recently you've looked anything but happy. What's the matter, Neris?"

She didn't know what to say. She couldn't explain her frustration at not being able to spend much time with Akkarin. At the same time, she didn't want to lie to him, especially if it was true that magicians could tell lies from truth. She thought frantically for something to say because he was staring at her closely.

"Sometimes my work is difficult and I suppose that makes me less than cheerful at times," was the best she could think of.

Lorlen shook his head, "No, that's not it. I've watched you and the way you cope with your work. You're quick and efficient and everything is done well. It's not your work which makes you unhappy, so tell me what it is."

Neris took refuge in her status, "I don't think magicians should concern themselves with what servants are feeling," she stated firmly, "You have your lives to live and we have ours."

If she'd hoped that would satisfy him, she soon found she was mistaken. Lorlen took her hand in both of his and said, "Look at me Neris, and tell me you aren't unhappy."

He held her hand tightly and she could feel the warmth in his fingers and see concern for her in his eyes. All of a sudden, she was tempted to tell him everything, to ask his advice on what to do, but her innate common sense soon overcame that foolish feeling. She looked into his eyes and said, "It's kind of you to ask, but there's nothing to tell. Everyone has days when they are happier than others."

Lorlen shook his head, "That's not what this is all about. You have been looking unhappy for some time, but only when you think no one is watching. When people are around, you make an effort to be cheerful, but I can tell it's a real effort. Now, you know I'm your friend, so tell me and perhaps I can help."

It was Neris's turn to shake her head. "You're very kind, but it's really nothing…."

But Lorlen interrupted her, "It's Akkarin, isn't it?"

She couldn't prevent the colour from flooding her cheeks and that made her feel even more embarrassed.

"No, no," she cried, "It's nothing to do with Lord Akkarin!"

Lorlen smiled a little sadly, "It's all right," he said gently, "You won't be the first and certainly not the last to fall a little in love with him." He sighed, "Ever since I've known him, there's been one girl or another looking after him, their heart in their eyes. There's no shame in it, Neris. He's a good-looking fellow and girls seem to like how he looks."

Neris realised that Lorlen had no real idea of how far things had progressed between them. She felt relieved by her discovery as it meant she could more easily satisfy Lorlen's concerns.

"I have to agree he's one of the best looking novices," she started, "So it's not surprising the girls like him. But we rarely see him in the Novice's Quarters, he seems to be very busy with different things."

"And that's the trouble, I suppose," Lorlen said with a grin. "He's not there, so you don't see much of him and so you don't realise what a moody, irritating…err…novice he can be! He used to be so much fun when he was younger, joining in all sorts of japes, getting up to mischief of one sort or another, but this last year or so, he's begun to get much more serious and involved in his work. He's turned into someone who's quite boring now!"

Before she could stop herself, Neris said, "Oh no, I don't think he's boring…" and stopped as Lorlen fixed her with a firm stare.

"So you don't think he's boring, eh? I can see I was right; you've come under Akkarin's spell and joined the ranks of all those swooning girls who would follow him around given half a chance. Neris, Neris, I thought you'd have more sense!"

She said nothing, conscious that Lorlen still held her hand. She didn't know how to extricate herself without appearing ungrateful, so she let her hand rest in his. She glanced at him and saw he had more to say, so she resigned herself to listening.

"Neris, I don't blame you for thinking you have feelings for him, but you must know he would never in a hundred years develop feelings for you. Akkarin is a member of one of the great Houses, his family is wealthy, some say even wealthier than the King, and they will make a great match for him one day. He's close to the future King and has a bright future ahead of him. If that wasn't enough, he's ambitious and ruthless in his determination to be a powerful magician in the Guild, if not the most powerful in all of Kyralia. You've seen how he works, every spare minute is taken up with study, he has no time for romance."

Neris smiled inwardly at Lorlen's words. He clearly didn't know his friend as well as he thought he did. Underneath that cool dispassionate shell of his was a fiery romantic, as she knew all too well.

"So," Lorlen went on, "You can see it would be a hopeless situation for you to imagine that Akkarin would have any interest in you, or any woman, come to that. He has no time or thought for dalliance. Now, me, on the other hand, I've plenty of time and inclination for romance."

Lorlen put his fingers under her chin and turned her face so he was looking into her eyes.

"I like you, Neris, very much. There's something about you which is very attractive. You're a pretty girl, but it isn't that, it's more that you have an innate goodness about you which is very, very appealing."

Looking into Lorlen's beautiful moss green eyes, Neris didn't know whether to be offended or flattered. Most girls wanted a young man to tell her she was beautiful rather than good, but she could see that Lorlen was sincere. It was clear he was attracted to her, after all he had invited her to a picnic soon after getting to know her a little, but she couldn't return his regard.

"Lorlen," she said quietly, "You're a very kind and good person yourself. I'm very fond of you, but only as a friend, nothing more. I hope you understand."

"Are you sure that's all you feel?" he asked plaintively, "Perhaps we should spend more time together before you decide I'm just a friend. My Freedays are nearly always free. My family doesn't come to Imardin very much, so I don't have to visit them. We could wander round the town, have a snack or something and walk back to the Guild. We'd soon get to know each other….."

She sighed, "You say you are attracted to me. What exactly does that mean? Are you thinking perhaps we might marry?….No? I didn't think so! I'm a servant and you're a magician and a noble. What you're hoping for is a bit of lovemaking in the forest to while away the time until you graduate. After that, you'll be thinking about the girls from the Houses and choosing a wife."

She held up her hand as Lorlen started to say something. "I'm happy to walk into Imardin with you some Freedays, Lorlen, but that doesn't mean I will change my mind about your being a friend."

Lorlen smiled, a little sadly, "Well, you can't say I didn't try! But all those things you said, about the girls from the Houses and choosing a wife, they apply equally to Akkarin too, you know."

"I know," she said, "I know."

"If you're looking for a bit of romance, you'd be better off with me," Lorlen pressed, "Akkarin probably doesn't know you exist as a young girl, to him you're just a servant, but me, I think you're a pretty little thing and I would treat you well. So forget him, and think about me instead!" He smiled his open warm smile, inviting her to see him as more than just a friend.

She smiled at him and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, "You are a good friend, Lorlen and I am very fond of you. But that is all I will ever be to you, your friend. Now I really don't want to talk about this any more. Let's just enjoy what's left of Freeday!"

The rest of their time in the city passed pleasantly and then they joined the crowds making their way back to the Guild. They were about halfway home, when a horse and rider drew up beside them. It was Akkarin and Neris felt herself flushing as he stared at Lorlen who was walking quite close to her, carrying one of her parcels.

"Lorlen, Neris," he said coolly, "Been enjoying yourselves in the city?"

He dismounted and fell in beside them, leading his horse. He and Lorlen began a conversation, but Neris felt her embarrassment grow. _He would have to come by just as we were walking together!_ she thought crossly, _Why couldn't he have come past when I was on my own!_

She remained silent, only responding when the novices directly addressed her, until they reached the gates of the Guild. Once they had passed through, Akkarin swung himself up on his horse.

"I'm off to the stables," he said, casting a meaningful glance at Neris, "I'll see you in the food hall, Lorlen." Then he trotted away.

Neris made short work of saying her goodbyes to Lorlen and hurried off. She needed to get to the potting shed as soon as she could, it was obvious Akkarin wanted to talk to her. He was already there when she arrived. He didn't wait to let her speak, but simply pulled her into his arms and kissed her fiercely.

"So," he said as they pulled apart, "You've been out with Lorlen." There was a thread of annoyance in his tone, something she hadn't heard before.

She laughed and to her own ears, she sounded nervous, "Lorlen saw me in the market and was kind enough to walk back to the Guild with me." She was conscious of his searching gaze and went on quickly, "He helped me with my packages, it was very kind of him."

He kissed her again, hard, then said, "I wouldn't be very happy to think you and Lorlen were spending your Freedays together while I'm with the Prince."

_By the Eye! He's jealous! _Neris couldn't believe it. Akkarin was jealous of Lorlen!

"I've barely seen him," she said, "I've been into Imardin on my own for weeks now, ever since you've been so busy. When Lorlen saw me, I couldn't very well be rude to him and tell him to go away, could I?"

To her relief, his expression lightened, "Of course not, Neris, I'm sorry. It's just that when I saw you together, laughing and enjoying yourselves, I felt…angry, somehow. I've missed you, Neris."

"I've missed you too."

"I can't stop," he said reluctantly releasing her from his embrace, "I have to go to Warrior training. Can we meet here tomorrow at mid-day?"

They made their arrangements and after a few more kisses, Akkarin sent Neris off first. This was their usual practice, to avoid being seen together. She was smiling to herself, thinking about their next meeting, when she almost ran into someone coming the other way. To her horror, it was Mistress Mina, who looked at her strangely.

"Neris, what are you doing here?" she said sharply.

"I'm coming back from Imardin," she explained, "It's a bit of a short cut."

"A short cut to where exactly?" Mistress Mina's expression had hardened. It was obvious that the shrubbery by the stables was neither a short cut to the Novices Quarters, nor a short cut to the Servants' Quarters.

"I…I'm meeting a friend and it's a short cut to our meeting place." Neris prayed Mistress Mina would be satisfied. If she had to identify a friend, she would be in trouble. However, the Housekeeper seemed to accept her word.

"I see. Well, I won't keep you," Mistress Mina turned away and Neris resumed her journey, her heart thumping painfully against her ribs. It had been a close run thing. She'd been so afraid that Akkarin would suddenly appear. He usually gave her a few minutes start, before setting off himself, but she wasn't certain just how long Mistress Mina had kept her talking.

Later, after supper with Floretta, Neris went up to her room. She sat on her bed and contemplated the little box Akkarin had given her. She knew it wasn't just a cheap lover's token, but something carefully selected for her and very expensive. She thought about Lorlen's warnings about Akkarin. She knew some of what he'd said was untrue, but how much of it was true? She didn't know. The box and the gold pendant meant something. They meant that Akkarin truly felt something for her, she was just unsure exactly what it was and how deep his feelings went.

Neris sighed and replaced the box in its hiding place. Always her thoughts arrived at the same place. She couldn't see what the future might hold for her lover and herself. The differences between them were immense and it was difficult to see how they would be able to continue their affair once Akkarin moved out of the Novices' Quarters, but she told herself that between them, they would find a way.

She settled down to sleep, one hand holding the gold disc, her thoughts, as ever, focussed on Akkarin. She conjured his face in her mind and drifted off to dream about a pair of deeply black eyes smiling into her own.


	14. Halcyon Days

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Halcyon Days**

As the days lengthened and grew noticeably warmer, the general mood around the Guild lightened too. Although the novices were getting ever closer to their end of year examinations, they all seemed to be more carefree than during the dark days of winter. For Neris, the warmer weather provided more opportunities to be outside where the growing perfume of the spring flowers made eating a mid-day meal a real pleasure. At least she had that, if little else, as she still didn't see much of Akkarin, and this was an increasingly dark spot in otherwise pleasant days.

Lorlen, true to his word, had met up with her several times in Imardin and later walked back to the Guild with her. They had wandered round the market and he bought her a few inexpensive gifts and treated her to more of the delicious cakes. She had so far refused his invitations to more intimate meetings, but had not yet been able to convince him that her feelings were unlikely to change. She made a point of telling Akkarin about these meetings just in case he found them walking along together, something she couldn't face again.

Akkarin had looked at her a little strangely, "Lorlen seems very fond of you," he said quietly, "He's never shown much interest in visiting Imardin in the past, yet now it seems he can't keep away from the place."

She gave a little laugh, "Well, you know what Lorlen's like, he wants to be everyone's friend and I suppose servants have so little time, a walk into the town on Freeday is the only option."

She glanced quickly at Akkarin's face, but as usual, it was expressionless. She had never learned how to read him, so she was always a little uncertain of his feelings. At first, this had added spice to the mystery and made their growing relationship exciting, but now, she wished he were more open at times. She wondered if he were still jealous of Lorlen's attentions to her, but resigned herself to never being sure.

"I see," was all he said and turned away to collect his box.

"Will I see you later?" she asked.

"I'm very busy," he said, then noticing her wistful expression, he put down the box and pulled her into his arms.

"I'll try to come to the potting shed at mid-day, so will you wait for me?"

"Of course," she said, trying and failing to keep the eagerness out of her voice, "I'll always wait for you."

But, she remembered, that was one of the days when Akkarin did not keep his promise. She stayed in the old potting shed as long as she dared, hoping against hope that he would come, even if it were only for a few minutes, but he didn't. The long wait made her almost late back to the Novices' Quarters, so she was out-of-breath by the time she got to the servants' room. She rushed in, ready to grab her cleaning equipment and was very surprised to find Mistress Mina inside, sitting at the table, talking to some of the others. The conversation died, as the Housekeeper looked up at her.

"Ah, Neris," she said, "I was just asking where you were."

"I've been outside, Mistress Mina," she said unnecessarily.

"Quite." Mistress Mina stared at her for a moment, then went on, "I wish to check your novices' rooms."

Neris showed her the rooms, her nervousness increasing as the Housekeeper made a thorough examination of all the nooks and crannies and the various books and possessions scattered around. To Neris, it seemed as if Mistress Mina was hoping to find something lacking in the way she carried out her work, but if she was disappointed that there was nothing she could criticise, Mistress Mina didn't show it.

"Well done, Neris," she said at the end. "You are a very thorough servant and I am pleased with your work."

Neris let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding as she watched the Housekeeper stride off down the corridor. It had been a very close thing that she'd arrived on time. She could imagine what would have happened if she'd been late. _More latrine cleaning! _she thought with a shudder. Although it was unpleasant work, it was more the humiliation of punishment that Neris dreaded. But at least, this time, she had avoided that.

Later, Akkarin presented her with a small lace kerchief by way of an apology, which she folded carefully and kept with the carved box. She treasured everything he gave her, even keeping some of the tiny scraps of paper with his cryptic messages and she often sat in her room, with the things spread around her as she relived their time together. One of her favourite pastimes was to keep count of the times they met, the moments for kisses, the opportunities for lovemaking, each one seared on her memory, as if she were storing up a treasure trove of memories for the future.

Neris had found that more time she spent with Akkarin, the more she needed to be with him. It made her smile to think of the early days of their relationship, when she had told herself that simply seeing him would be enough. Now, she knew it was not. She needed him in the same way a sick person needed his healing potions. The first time she had realised this, she had felt a deep sense of embarrassment. She had always been the practical one, brought up with a strong emphasis on duty and doing things right. Daydreaming had never been part of her life, but now she found herself whiling away the hours dreaming of a tall young man with an enigmatic face and elegant, tender hands who gifted her with such passionate kisses. Several times she caught herself looking out of the window of his room, trying to see if he was in the crowd of novices walking back to their quarters at meal times. Sometimes she was successful in picking him out and welcomed the flood of warm feelings which filled her and the eager anticipation of his arrival which set her heart fluttering.

Yet, beneath the daydreaming and the eager feelings, Neris was increasingly unsettled. She couldn't identify the source of her worries, all she knew was a vague feeling of disaster near to hand. She tried to convince herself that it was a natural reaction to being in love with a young man from a very different background and realising the hopelessness of it all which caused the dark shadows, but her heart would not be soothed and the shadows seemed to grow larger with each passing week.

She once tried to explain her concerns to Akkarin. They were lying in each other's arms in the corner of the potting shed after a session of particularly urgent lovemaking. They had not seen each other for several days and their desires had led to a fierce joining which left them both breathless. Akkarin listened to her stumbling efforts to explain and then brushed them aside, telling her that he would take care of her.

"There's no need for you to worry about anything while I'm here to look after you," he said, sounding supremely confident, with just the hint of a swagger in his voice.

And, because she had grown up in the Guild, knowing that magicians were all-powerful and held the fate of nations in their hands, she believed him and was reassured. But later, in the middle of another sleepless night, her fears returned and she knew deep down inside that nothing he could ever say would really change the way she felt. She made a silent vow that from now on, she would keep her fears to herself and live for the moment, locking every thought about the future ruthlessly away.

The days which followed were full of happiness for Neris. The Prince was travelling again, so it meant that Akkarin had a few more Freedays where his time was his own. The lovers made full use of them, leaving as early as possible for the forest and returning just before dusk. The long, lazy afternoons were filled with love and laughter. If Lorlen noticed Neris no longer went to Imardin, he didn't mention it. His days were filled with studying as he spent most of his spare time in the Library, trying to ensure he would be accepted as a Healer.

It seemed to Neris that she and Akkarin existed in a magic bubble, where no one could touch them and where they could simply relax and enjoy each other. The blow, when it fell, therefore was all the more shocking.


	15. The Blow Falls

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**The Blow Falls**

Neris slowly opened her eyes. It was dark in their corner of the old potting shed, but she could see sword-thin shafts of sunlight pushing their way through gaps in the planking. This gave an almost festive air to the old building as the dust motes in the air sparkled in the tiny beams of sunlight. She could hear Akkarin's slow even breathing and knew he had fallen asleep. She turned to look at him, a silly smile on her face. It was not often he slept after lovemaking, but when he had arrived at their tryst, he was already close to exhaustion after a long and heavy training session, preceded by several late nights of study.

She examined his face in the half-light, although she knew it well, she never tired of gazing at him, at the pale oval of his face, the long straight nose and chiselled lips. His hair, which was a little long for a novice, fell across his cheek and she resisted the temptation to bush it aside. He needed his sleep and she would have to wake him soon, as mealtime was almost over.

She must have made some involuntary movement, because his eyes opened and a faint smile curled his lips.

"Neris," he breathed, "Come, give me a kiss."

She snuggled closer to him and lifted her face for the kiss, feeling the familiar tingling sensation spread from her mouth, until it seemed her whole body was aching for his. She felt his hands drift over her flesh, waking her desire for him. She began her own exploration, letting her fingers glide up and down his back, curving round his buttocks and down his thighs.

They began the familiar movements, this time with a measure of urgency as soon they must go their separate ways. Neris could feel her pleasure growing with every movement of his hands and lips. Her breathing changed and her movements urged him on. His rhythm increased and as the passion grew between them, she could hear herself begin to cry out softly.

Suddenly the room was flooded with light and a loud voice cried, "Stop! Stop this at once!"

Several things happened at the same time. Neris felt Akkarin tense and his body stiffen. The light grew brighter as a dark figure pushed the door further back. Neris, blinded by the sudden illumination, couldn't see who it was but a horrid suspicion began to grow in her mind. She heard Akkarin whisper, "I'll take care of it," and felt him draw away from her. As Akkarin stood, Neris scrabbled for the cloak and wrapped it around herself.

She rose and stood next to Akkarin. Now her eyes were adjusted to the light, she could see that her suspicion was correct. A very angry Mistress Mina stood just inside the doorway and behind her, Neris could just make out the bulky figure of a magician.

The Housekeeper strode over to Neris and pulled the cloak aside, revealing her naked body for a moment, before she flung the edges together again.

"You slut!" Mistress Mina cried and slapped Neris hard across her face. "I knew this would happen."

As the echo of the slap filled the building, Akkarin started forward in a rush, his face full of anger. He reached for the Housekeeper, then his body froze as the other magician made a brief hand movement. Akkarin remained still and silent, his hand outstretched ready to grab Mistress Mina, only his eyes showing his fury and frustration at being caught by a spell.

The other magician came fully into the shed and Neris recognised Lord Caton, the Novice Master. Her heart sank. Lord Caton was well known, amongst other things, for being a strict disciplinarian and all the Novices went in fear of him. She, like many of the servants, tried to keep out of his path.

"So, Mistress Mina, who do we have here?" Lord Caton came and stood right in front of Akkarin, looking closely at the nude figure of his novice. "Lord Akkarin of family Delvon, House Velan, I see. Such an athletic figure of a man, eh, Mistress Mina, I'll bet you've never seen such a lithe young body."

To Neris's horror and Akkarin's impotent fury, the Novice Master ran his hands over the novice's frozen form. As he saw the blazing eyes of his captive, Lord Caton laughed, a harsh, humourless laugh.

He turned to Neris, "One of the servants, you say, Mistress Mina? Well, let's have a look at you," and he pulled the cloak off Neris. She could feel the hot colour flood her cheeks as the Novice Master examined her closely. It was a humiliating experience. To her relief, he made no effort to touch her, but he did comment on her appearance, drawing Mistress Mina's attention to the shape of her breasts and the length of her legs. She forced herself to say nothing and after a few minutes, the magician tired of the game and tossed the cloak back to her.

"You deal with the girl, Mistress Mina and I'll take Lord Akkarin." Lord Caton's manner was brusque. "I suggest you take the girl away before I release the boy. There's no knowing what he might do while you're still here."

"Get dressed and come with me." The Housekeeper's voice was icy.

Neris turned to get her things and under the watchful eyes of both intruders, she swiftly dressed herself. She was trembling and could hear her heart pounding against her ribs. She was fearful because she knew that something unpleasant was going to happen, but she was more frightened because she was going to be separated from Akkarin and would have no way of knowing what was happening to him.

"Don't dawdle girl! Come with me."

Neris couldn't go without saying something to Akkarin. She waited until the Housekeeper turned to lead the way to the door, then ran over to him, throwing her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. She only had time to whisper his name, before Lord Caton, moving swiftly despite his bulk, wrenched her away, "None of that girl, that's all over now."

He flung her towards the Housekeeper, "Take her and get her out of here."

The Housekeeper's fingers dug cruelly into her arm as she dragged Neris out of the shed and down the path. As usual, Mistress Mina moved swiftly and it was all Neris could do to keep up. She missed her footing several times, but the Housekeeper's pace never relented. No words were spoken between them. Mistress Mina's face was set in a hard mask and after a couple of glances, Neris didn't look at her again, but concentrated instead on keeping her feet.

They didn't go towards the Novices' Quarters, but to another building, one which Neris had never had occasion to visit before. It was only a matter of minutes before she found herself outside a room. The Housekeeper pushed her in and stood in the doorway for a moment, staring at her grimly.

"You will stay here until it's decided what to do with you. Perhaps you should use the time to consider just how badly you have behaved and try to list all the rules you have broken!"

The Housekeeper shut the door and Neris heard the key turn in the lock. She looked around her prison. It was a small room, with only one window high up in the wall, so it was impossible to see outside. There was a narrow bed, a table and a chair, nothing else. The floor consisted of bare boards and the walls were painted a dull grey colour. The atmosphere of whole room was unpleasant and Neris hoped she wouldn't have to stay in it for long. She sat down and began to cry.

It was difficult to judge the time, but Neris thought she had been locked in the room for several hours before she had her first visitor. She was sitting on the bed, worrying about what was happening to Akkarin, when she heard the key turn and the door opened. A servant she had never seen before came in, carrying a tray. She put it down on the table and turned to leave.

"Wait," Neris called, "Where am I?"

The servant looked at her, "No talking," was all she said, before leaving the room and relocking the door.

Neris sighed, any faint hope that she might learn something useful vanished. She looked at the food on the tray. It consisted of two thick slices of bread, a piece of cheese and a jug of water. She wasn't hungry, but forced herself to eat it all. She had no idea when the next meal would come, and it would be foolish to refuse to eat.

The daylight gradually faded from the room. She had no means of lighting, so she took off her skirt and shirt, carefully draping them over the chair, and climbed into bed. She thought she would remain sleepless, but found herself drifting off to sleep not long afterwards, worn out by the events of the day.

She was awoken by the sound of the door opening. This time, it was Mistress Mina as well as the servant from yesterday. The servant put a bowl and a large jug of water on the table and the Housekeeper added another tray of food.

"Get up and wash yourself," the Housekeeper said sharply. "You will be called to give an account of yourself this morning. You had better think hard about what you're going to say."

"Can I see my mother?" Neris asked.

The Housekeeper snorted, "You will see no one until after it has been decided what to do with you."

Left alone, Neris stripped off the rest of her clothing and washed. The water was lukewarm and she was grateful for that. She looked around for somewhere to relieve herself and found a chamber pot under the bed. Her skirt and shirt were a little crumpled, but there was nothing much she could do about that. She put them on and tried to smooth out the worst of the creases. She ran her fingers through her hair and remade her bun.

Her breakfast consisted of two more slices of bread, no cheese this time, but a small crock of butter and some honey. She washed it all down with more of the water. Then sat in the chair to wait.


	16. Betrayal

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Betrayal**

Lord Caton watched the Housekeeper drag the girl away, leaving him alone in the old potting shed with his novice. He stared at the boy, held immobile by his spell, with only his eyes showing the depth of his hatred. _Well, let him stand there until I'm ready_ he thought with some amusement. _It will do him good_.

For a long time, Lord Caton had harboured pleasant thoughts of being in a strong position to punish Akkarin, the one novice who, during his career at the Guild, had frequently defied him by becoming involved in various mischievous and disruptive activities over the years. The boy was arrogant and conceited and deserved to be taken down a peg or two. Unfortunately, as far as Caton was concerned, he was also clever and every attempt the Novice Master had made to get the better of him had failed.

_But now, but now, it seems fate has delivered him into my hands…._

Caton walked round to stand behind his prize. By now, he knew, the spell would be causing exquisite pain in the muscles forced to remain frozen, especially as Akkarin had been stretching to take hold of the Housekeeper. Caton allowed a small smile of satisfaction to cross his lips as his eyes took in the still form before him. _Really, the boy had a fine body_, he thought and could not resist the pleasure of cupping the firm buttocks in his plump hands and then letting them fall slowly to stroke Akkarin's legs and thighs.

Caton licked his suddenly dry lips, he had to be careful. Although there were some in the Guild who had suspicions about his desires, no one had proof that Caton was an older man who enjoyed young men and he wanted to keep it that way. All his pleasures were taken far away from Imardin. The Guild would not countenance one such as he to be Novice Master and he enjoyed his work too much to put it at risk.

He turned away from the tempting sight of his naked novice and examined the old building. The boy had created a comfortable corner for assignations with his trollop. Caton examined the spells and was impressed by their subtlety. There was no doubt that Akkarin was a talented magician.

He pulled an old stool out of the jumble of worn out furniture and equipment, placed it in front of Akkarin and sat down. He smiled slowly and then said softly, "I've restored your voice. Now, I can let you stay like that or I can release you. It all depends on you and the way you are going to behave. Which is it to be?"

"I will behave properly." Akkarin's voice was cracked as he forced it through stiff lips.

Caton nodded in satisfaction. His lips moved silently and Akkarin fell to the ground as the spell was released. The Novice Master watched as he dealt with the pain in his limbs, flexing his muscles to counteract the trembling, using Healing to take away most of the after effects, then said, "Get dressed and stand here," indicating a place directly in front of him.

Akkarin stood silently where he was told and waited for the Novice Master to speak. His face was expressionless and he kept his eyes lowered. To an observer, he looked the picture of obedience and submission, but Caton knew inside his hatred was eating away at him and his clever mind was seeking a way out of this trap.

"I have lost count of the times you have stood before me guilty of some misdeed or another, while I considered what punishment I should impose, but this time, I think you have outdone all your previous exploits. To be caught rolling naked on the floor of a dirty, shabby building with a slut of a servant girl, you, a son of family Delvon, House Velan, one of the wealthiest and most powerful Houses in Kyralia, I wonder what your father will say when he hears of it?"

At the mention of his father, Akkarin raised his eyes quickly, then looked down again almost immediately, but not before Caton had seen a trace of fear in his gaze. _Interesting,_ he thought, _That will come in useful, I think_.

"So, Lord Akkarin of family Delvon, House Velan, tell me all about it." Using the name of his family and House almost like the lash of a whip, Caton, leaned forward eagerly, "Leave nothing out, I want to hear everything."

Caton remained silent as Akkarin slowly told the tale of his affair with the servant. He hesitated at times, but the steely gaze of his Novice Master caused him to continue, revealing every detail. At last he came to a halt. Caton let the silence continue for a few minutes, then he began to question Akkarin, making him go over and over various points, until he was satisfied that there was nothing the boy had avoided telling him.

_What a pathetic tale_, he thought contemptuously. _Not a tale of lust quickly and efficiently satisfied, but a story of romance, of a pretty girl, a pair of sparkling eyes and the discovery of delight! He talks of love but I shall make him eat those words._

"There will have to be an official hearing of course," Caton said, "This is a very serious matter. Not only has an underage novice formed a sexual relationship with a servant of the Guild, but also you indulged yourself on Guild property. It is hard to see how you can escape punishment, nor the girl."

He fell silent and studied Akkarin's face. It was still largely expressionless, but the Novice Master thought it was paler than usual, and there was a tense air about him.

He leaned back on the stool and pretended to be deep in thought.

"The servant," Caton said suddenly, "Were you the only one sharing her favours?"

The colour rose in Akkarin's face, "She is not like that!" he said indignantly, "It was only Neris and I, no one else."

Caton laughed deliberately, "You foolish boy, how can you possibly believe that! She's obviously hoping to gain money or jewels by seducing a wealthy young novice and you just happened to be one of many suitable young men available." He fell silent again, letting Akkarin think on what he'd said.

"Once news of your actions gets out, there will be a lot of concerned parents wondering just what their sons and daughters are getting up to in the Guild. The only way to prevent this concern becoming serious is to make an example of you."

Caton glanced slyly at Akkarin, then continued, "Yes, the punishment must be seen to be serious. I shall propose to the High Lord that you be prevented from completing your final year and remain a novice for a further period."

There was an involuntary movement from Akkarin as he bit his lips to hold back the hot words which, no doubt, had been rushing to his mouth.

Caton ignored the interruption and carried on," Yes perhaps remaining a novice for a year or more might concentrate your mind on your studies instead of….other things. Of course, everyone would want to know the reason, but you would have to live with that."

"Then there's your choice of Discipline. Warrior, isn't it? Would it be fair to expect the Warriors to offer membership to a magician who has such a blatant disregard for the rules? What use would he be in a battle? No, I suspect the Head of the Warrior Discipline would have something to say about that."

"Then there's Prince Merin to consider. You are his companion, are you not? Yes, once the gossip starts, it will soon reach the Court. Then I'm sure the King will have second thoughts about the character of the person chosen to be a confidante of his son and heir."

Caton looked carefully at Akkarin. He could see the efforts the boy was making to remain calm, there were beads of sweat glistening on his brow and his hands were clenched. _I have you now_, he thought triumphantly, _I have you now!_

Caton made his voice sound sympathetic, "In many ways, it would be such a shame to see a promising career like you have ahead of you ruined over an indiscretion."

He stared at the novice and was rewarded by the sudden hope which flared in Akkarin's eyes.

"Yes," he went on, "There must be something which can be done to prevent your absolute disgrace…."

The Novice Master rested his chin on his hand as he gave the appearance of thinking hard about a possible solution. He stayed like that for quite a while, enjoying keeping Akkarin in suspense.

When he had milked the situation as much as possible, he looked up, his face alight. "I think I know how we can do it," he said happily, "It should be quite straightforward. Yes, all you have to do is blame the girl!"

"What? I don't understand," Akkarin's voice showed clearly his puzzlement.

"All you have to do is say the girl seduced you, flaunted herself at you until, in a moment of weakness, you gave in to her. It wasn't your idea at all, but hers."

"But that's not true! It wasn't like that."

Caton smiled sympathetically, "I know, but if you want to graduate this summer, join the Warriors and look forward to a long career as a respected member of the Guild, you will have to say it was all her fault. Otherwise, as I said before….." Caton let his voice trail away and watched the conflicting emotions flash across his novice's face.

"I can't do it," the misery was clear in his voice, "It wasn't like that and to say it was, would be a lie."

"Well, if that's the way you want it," Caton turned away, "We'll go back to my study and you can write your account of what happened, just as you told me earlier and I'll send it with my recommendations to the High Lord. Of course he'll be disappointed and as for your father and the King, well, I think you know how they will feel."

Caton had almost reached the door before the boy spoke.

"What will happen to Neris?"

"She will be punished, of course. The rules are quite clear and she broke them. She'll probably be turned out of the Guild and left to fend for herself."

"And if I say it was her fault, what will happen to her then?"

Caton hid his elation, the boy was at the point of breaking, "Much the same, I suppose. I can't see how she could stay as a Guild Servant whether she was the instigator or not. You cannot help her whatever story you choose to say."

"Very well."

Caton stared at Akkarin, "Very well what?"

"I will say it was her fault." Akkarin's voice was flat and without expression.

Caton allowed a smile to form on his face as he walked over to Akkarin and slipped a heavy arm around his shoulders.

"A wise decision, boy, you don't want to ruin a promising career over a trollop." He gave the novice a comforting squeeze, "I'll help you with your tale of how she seduced you. There'll still be a penalty, of course. I think a whipping will suffice, a quick, sharp punishment, over in an hour or so, and not the long term disgrace which might have been. You'll see, it'll be for the best. I must go now and tell Mistress Mina what you've said. Come to my study in two hours."

The Novice Master turned to leave, but he paused when he reached the doorway and looked back. Akkarin was still standing in the same spot, but now his face was hidden in his hands and Caton was sure he was crying. He was triumphant. After so many attempts, he had finally bent Akkarin to his will. _And I still have the exquisite pleasure of whipping that white supple body to look forward to. Yes, a long, slow whipping will be the icing on the cake._


	17. Neris's Hearing

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Neris's Hearing**

Neris had hoped to see Akkarin at her hearing, and disappointment welled up inside her when she entered the room, to find only Mistress Harban and Mistress Mina seated behind the table. There were some chairs arranged in rows, but all these were empty. There was a single chair placed in front of the table and Neris rightly assumed that was for her.

She walked over to it and sat down. She glanced quickly around to see if Floretta had come, but she had not. Neris wasn't surprised, her mother had not attended Jervan's hearing either. It was almost as if she couldn't bear to hear her children accused of misconduct. Mistress Harban was looked at some papers in front of her, and occasionally exchanged words with the Housekeeper. Both of them completely ignored Neris.

The door opened behind her and Neris could hear someone enter and sit down on one of the chairs. She wanted to look round in case it was Akkarin, but at that precise moment, Mistress Harban looked up and cleared her throat.

"I am very sorry to see you here today, Neris," she said and her tone was sad. "I had great hopes for you and now I find myself wondering if you should even remain as a Guild Servant."

"I'm sorry too, Mistress Harban," Neris whispered. She had never considered that she might be dismissed from the Guild completely and the thought frightened her. What would she do without the Guild to look after her? Her whole life had been regulated by Guild requirements since the day she'd been born. She had never had to worry about what she would do next, there had always been someone to tell her.

"Is the novice present?" Mistress Harban asked in a loud voice.

"Lord Akkarin could not bring himself to be in the same room as the girl," a firm voice from the back of the room said and Neris recognised the sonorous tones of Lord Caton. "However, he did write down an account of what happened and has asked me to read it on his behalf."

"This is most irregular," Mistress Harban began, "However, as you are here with his account, I suppose we can manage."

She turned to Mistress Mina and said something quietly, the Housekeeper nodded, and Mistress Harban looked up at Neris.

"Tell us what has been going on between you and Lord Akkarin, Neris."

Neris had been rehearsing her tale during the lonely hours she had been locked in the room, so she started confidently to explain how she and Akkarin became lovers. Her story was a simple one about two young people who had each found something in the other. It was not a case of a servant and a magician, with one seeking gain from the other, but a tale of young lovers discovering the great joy and delight of being together. Neris didn't recount every meeting they'd had or describe what took place in any great detail, those things belonged to them alone, but she hoped that she'd said enough to convince Mistress Harban of the rightness of things.

As she came to the end of her story, she looked up and found Mistress Mina glaring at her, a look of contempt on her face. There was little hope that she would be sympathetic. Mistress Harban, on the other hand, continued to look rather sad.

"Thank you, Neris," Mistress Harban said, then looked over to where Lord Caton was sitting. "Will you read Lord Akkarin's account?"

Lord Caton got to his feet and came over to the table. He stared at the two senior servants, until Mistress Mina got up and hurriedly fetched him a chair. Lord Caton made no acknowledgement but merely sat down. He reached into his robes and pulled out a bundle of papers. Selecting one, and smoothing it out, he began to read.

At first, what he was saying didn't register with Neris, then she began to hear the words and shock, closely followed by pain, lanced through her as she heard herself described as little more than a common harlot soliciting the favours of a vulnerable young man. _Akkarin would never say such things! _Lord Caton's voice went on and on, describing supposed incidents where she had flaunted herself in front of the young novice, exposing herself to encourage his attentions.

"Lord Akkarin didn't know how to deal with her," Lord Caton said, his voice quiet and solemn. "He was raised as an honourable member of a noble House, used to thinking of women as creatures to be cherished and honoured, not as people willing to trade their bodies in return for favours. He took to avoiding the Novices' Quarters at times when he knew she would be waiting for him, but there were occasions when he had to go back to his rooms and the girl would arrive minutes later. She'd obviously been watching for him."

Lord Caton turned the page and continued, "After some weeks of this, Lord Akkarin came back to his room one evening after a very tiring day, eager for his bed to catch up on sleep. Not long after he had changed into his sleeping garments and settled down to sleep, the girl came to his room. Before he could stop her, she disrobed and got into his bed. My poor novice was too tired to resist and the girl was able to seduce him."

Mistress Mina made a shocked noise and began to scribble furiously on the paper in front of her. Lord Caton looked sadly at the two women, "After that one occasion, the girl threatened to inform the Guild that he had forced her unless he continued to do what she wanted. Lord Akkarin is within a few weeks of graduating so you can imagine the impact of such a threat. His whole career in the Guild was threatened by the actions of a cold and calculating girl who saw a golden future ahead of her as the kept woman of a magician."

Neris couldn't hold back any longer, "I do not believe that Lord Akkarin ever said such things!" she said fiercely, "He would never lie!"

"Keep quiet," Mistress Mina said sharply. "It is not your place to accuse Lord Caton of not telling the truth!"

Lord Caton stared at Neris and she could see the amusement in his eyes, but he kept his voice heavy with regret, "You recognise Lord Akkarin's writing? Well, look at this page and tell me that he has not written it. Look at the final page. Is that not Lord Akkarin's signature?"

Neris's gaze was drawn unwillingly to where Lord Caton indicated and, to her horror, she could see it had been written by Akkarin, she would recognise his rather distinctive lettering anywhere and this was definitely his. She looked up at the Novice Master again, and this time, he barely concealed his glee.

"As the girl herself acknowledges, this account is entirely written in Lord Akkarin's own hand." He returned to the document and continued reading, telling of the last few days where Akkarin had been forced to continue to meet the girl and satisfy her wishes to prevent her from carrying out her threats. "Lord Akkarin was at his wits' end trying to find a way of keeping her quiet without having to continue this unwanted relationship. He had finally offered her a significant sum of money if she would leave him alone, but she had merely laughed and told him she expected that and more over the period of time they would be together."

Lord Caton looked up from the page, "When he told me that, Lord Akkarin was close to tears. He didn't want to hurt the girl, but he needed to get her out of his life, so he could resume his studies without her threats hanging over him."

Both the senior servants were making notes as Lord Caton spoke. As he finished, they looked up.

"Thank you, Lord Caton," Mistress Harban said, "I am sure that was a difficult account for Lord Akkarin to write and I quite understand why he didn't want to come here today and be questioned on it." She turned her gaze to Neris, "Do you have anything to add to what you said previously?"

"Nothing in the account Lord Caton has read out is true!"

"But you, yourself, acknowledged that Lord Akkarin wrote it," Mistress Harban sounded puzzled, "Why would he write such things, if they were not true?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure he was forced to write it!" Neris's tone was firm and she turned to the Novice Master, "What did you do to make him write it?"

He smiled lazily at her, "Why would I want to force Lord Akkarin to say things that were not true? I don't know you and I have nothing against you personally. However, Lord Akkarin has made a serious case against you. It is your behaviour, not mine, which is the subject of this hearing."

"Is it true that magicians can tell if someone is lying?"

Lord Caton nodded, "Yes, magicians can usually tell lies from truth. They can also read minds to establish truth from fiction."

Neris turned to Mistress Harban, "I want my mind read, so you can see I'm telling the truth."

Lord Caton snorted with laughter, "You want, you want! You are a servant who has enticed a young magician into despicable behaviour through a combination of lust and threats. You accuse him of lying or rather, you accuse me of lying about what he said, despite all the evidence to the contrary and now you want a magician to read your mind. Magicians have better things to do than read the minds of trollops!"

But Mistress Harban was still considering what Neris had said. "It seems to me, Lord Caton, that Neris is not unreasonable in her request. This case boils down to her word against Lord Akkarin's. There are no other witnesses to what happened between them. Perhaps Neris should have an opportunity to prove the truth of her words."

"Lord Akkarin begged me to keep the details of his shame secret and I promised him that I would do so. I cannot ask another magician to delve into the mind of the girl. If he did, he would find out exactly what had been going on and it would not be a secret any longer." He paused and looked calculatingly at Neris. "However, I am willing to read the girl's mind, if she wants."

It was Neris's turn to laugh humourlessly, "YOU read my mind to reveal the truth? I cannot trust you to tell the truth of what you found. I want another magician, who would be honest about what he discovered."

"That's enough," Mistress Harban's tone was harsh, "I cannot allow you to continue to accuse the Novice Master of such serious shortcomings. What would he gain from accusing you of these things? Nothing! Thank you, Lord Caton, for coming here today. It cannot have been easy to hear such a tale from one of your novices. Mistress Mina and I will now consider what will be done with the girl. Rest assured that we shall say nothing of Lord Akkarin's involvement in this. His secret will be safe with us."

The Novice Master got to his feet and nodded to the senior servants. He turned to the girl and smiled maliciously at her. "I shall not see you again. Lord Akkarin has been punished for allowing himself to be so easily seduced. No doubt, you too, would benefit from a whipping, and I heartily recommend such a punishment to Mistress Harban and Mistress Mina."

After he had gone, the two senior servants spent some time conferring. They spoke quietly so Neris couldn't hear and she made no effort to try. She would know her fate soon enough. The more she considered things, the more she was convinced that Lord Caton had forced Akkarin to say such terrible things about her. She didn't know why, but it was the only thing that made any sense. She wanted to see Akkarin, so much, but she feared that she would be prevented from ever being near him again. She wondered where he was now, and if he thought of her.

There was a noise, like someone clearing a throat and she looked up. Mistress Mina was looking angrily at her, but it was Mistress Harban who spoke.

"Neris, what we have heard today is a very serious matter. Whether or not you threatened Lord Akkarin into a relationship with you is not the main issue. It is the fact that you, a servant in the Novices' Quarters, used your position to embark on an intimate relationship with one of your charges. That is the crime here."

"In many respects, I blame myself. As Mistress Mina has pointed out to me, it was my decision to place you with the male novices which provided the opportunity." She sighed, "I did it because I wanted to change the way the servants are organised and you were one of my best apprentices. If anyone could do it successfully, I thought, it would be Neris. I was wrong."

Neris felt her eyes fill with tears. She had let Mistress Harban down and in doing so, she had ruined her plans for the future of servants in the Guild.

"I know you well, Neris and I cannot entirely believe the events as described by Lord Akkarin, but at the same time, he has no reason to lie. Mistress Mina is of the opinion that his account is largely true and the blame lies at your door. However, I feel there is room for some doubt about the method, but the fact remains that you had an intimate relationship with a novice in complete and utter disregard of Guild rules and for that you must be punished."

Mistress Harban glanced down at the papers before her and paused for a moment before continuing, "You cannot remain here in the Guild. Mistress Mina is of the opinion that you should be dismissed from your position as a Guild Servant and be cast out into the world to make your own way. I do not share that view. Up to now, you have proved an excellent apprentice and a good servant. I am reluctant to throw away all the Guild's efforts in training you. I shall find you a position far away from Imardin. You will be forbidden to return here, but you will still have some sort of future as a Guild Servant, not the one I would have chosen for you, but you will be still looked after and have opportunities to rise in the servants' ranks if you work hard."

"Thank you, Mistress Harban," Neris whispered, the relief that she would not be cast out flooding her and making it difficult for her to speak.

"Do not expect an easy job such as the one you've had in the Novices' Quarters. You will have to work long and hard to make up for what you have done, but, in time, you can expect to receive the rewards due to you."

Mistress Mina said, "You are very lucky, Neris, to have such a strong advocate as Mistress Harban. If I had my way, you would be severely punished and sent out from here with a change of clothes and nothing else. But I am overruled. Be grateful and remember Mistress Harban's kindness for the rest of your life."

As the Housekeeper had been speaking, Mistress Harban had produced a ledger from somewhere and was writing in it, her pen scratching noisily on the page. Neris could see the neat writing filling one line, then another. This, she knew, was her record as a Guild Servant. Part of her mind wondered exactly what would be written there for all to see and suddenly she was glad that she herself would never read it.

Mistress Harban finished writing and closed the ledger. She looked at Neris. "You will be taken back to your room here for the rest of the day. Tonight, you will be escorted to your home where you will pack one chest with things you wish to take with you. You will return here with your belongings and tomorrow morning you will be sent to your new position. You are forbidden to return to Imardin. You are to remain in your new place of work until you are instructed otherwise. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mistress Harban. Will I be able to see my mother?"

"I'm sorry, but Floretta is unwell. She is distraught over hearing what you have done and doesn't wish to see you." Mistress Harban's eyes were kind, "You will be able to write to her and perhaps she will travel to see you once she has recovered."

Mistress Harban made a sign and the silent servant reappeared at Neris's side, ready to escort her back to her prison. Neris rose and equally silently, followed her from the room.


	18. Cluniton

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Cluniton**

Alone in her attic room at Cluniton, Neris wiped the tears from her cheeks and dabbed carefully at her eyes. It would not do to make her eyes red and swollen, not when she had to look after such high-ranking members of the Guild, especially when their visit was meant to be such an honour for the Community. There was the formal dinner to oversee and she wouldn't be able to hide from curious eyes. She looked at the clock, it had been less than an hour since she had seen Akkarin again, but all the memories of their time together had returned, as clearly as ever. It was as if the seventeen years of exile had vanished and it was only yesterday that she had been facing her judges at her hearing.

She remembered the events of her last day and night in Imardin in random pictures. One of the strongest memories was of the long afternoon she'd spent, with nothing to do except dwell on what Akkarin had written. Her mind had veered first one way, then another, starting by thinking that Akkarin had lied because he'd somehow been forced to, and then a few minutes later, convincing herself that Akkarin truly thought she'd set out to seduce him but had been too kind to say he didn't want her. Several hours of this had reduced her to endless tears and near exhaustion.

The silent servant appeared with some food, at one point but Neris was not hungry. She sipped the water, but left the bread and cheese. Now that she knew her fate, she was eager to get away. Surely life wouldn't be terrible whereever she was going? The Guild didn't send its magicians to live in unpleasant conditions, did it?

Sitting on her bed, the present day Neris laughed. Whatever she'd imagined about her place of exile, nothing prepared her for the first sight of Cluniton. She had been travelling in a small carriage for hours, and gradually the towns and villages got smaller and smaller and were further and further apart. The last part of her journey was through endless countryside, with few if any isolated buildings visible from the road. She began to wonder if anyone at all lived in the area, let alone a community of magicians. Then she arrived at Cluniton.

It was a small village, with only a few shabby buildings, clinging to the foothills of the Grey Mountains with tracks leading off the single street to the farms which surrounded it. She could see the land was poor and knew the inhabitants would have to work very hard for a less than adequate living. After the bustle of Imardin, it had seemed almost as silent as the grave. The few people she saw in the street were poorly dressed in drab clothing, many were old and there were no children in view. As the carriage clattered down the main street, people raised their heads to watch, as if the sight of a carriage was an unusual event.

At the end of the street, Neris could see a fine stone building and guessed this would be where the magicians lived. It was certainly in better condition than the others, and was much larger than its neighbours. It even had a small garden in front, with a path leading to the front door. The carriage stopped, the driver jumped from his seat and wrenched open her door.

"You've arrived," he said. "Time to get out."

By the time she'd alighted, the driver had unstrapped her chest and dumped it at her feet. Without saying another word, he climbed on the carriage, swiftly turned the horses and was off, leaving her standing alone in front of the house wondering what she should do next.

Across the years, she clearly remembered the panic which filled her. What if they didn't know she was coming? What if they had no place for her? What would she do, so far away from everyone and everything she had known all her life? Then the door opened and a woman, dressed in a Guild Housekeeper's uniform came out and walked down the path towards her.

" You, girl," she said sharply, "Don't just stand there staring, come here!"

Neris started to bend down towards her chest, realising she would be unable to lift it properly, but not knowing what else to do.

"Leave that!" the Housekeeper snapped, "Are you stupid, girl?"

Neris had no reply to that question, so she did as she was ordered and left her chest sitting in the dust, and followed the Housekeeper into the building. Her first thoughts were that the house seemed spotlessly clean and was well furnished. The familiar sight of Guild furniture greeted her and provided a sense of reassurance. She stared at the back of the Housekeeper's head as she followed her into the depths of the house. She appeared to be considerably older than the Imardin Housekeepers, her hair was totally white and she walked stiffly and so far, she had not been particularly friendly.

Neris was led into a comfortable room at the rear of the house, obviously the Housekeeper's sitting room. There was a desk in the corner and Neris was directed towards a chair. She sat and suffered a silent scrutiny from her new mistress. The Housekeeper had a cold expression on her face, as if she didn't like what she was seeing. Neris tried to look friendly and enthusiastic about working in Cluniton, but was conscious of the falseness of her expression. She was sure the Housekeeper was aware of it too.

"I am Mistress Falen and I have been the Housekeeper here for a long time. I know all about you and why you've been sent here." Mistress Falen stared hard at Neris, "If you think you're going to start any of that kind of behaviour here, you've got another think coming. I will not put up with any infringement of the rules, the slightest hint that you've been causing trouble and you will be severely punished. Do you understand?"

Neris felt the hot colour rush to her cheeks as the Housekeeper made her speech, and her heart sank. She'd hoped that a fresh start, away from people who knew what had happened, would make her life easier, but now, _Mistress Falen knows everything!_ she thought in despair_. How will I cope?_

"Yes, Mistress Falen," she said, "I understand."

"You are to start work in the kitchens. The cook is always complaining she is short of help. You will also help with the laundry on Wash Day." The Housekeeper consulted a paper on her desk, then looked up sternly, "You won't be paid as much here, we're not in Imardin now! Your wages will be 3 and a half silvers a week and the Guild will take the usual 3 silvers to pay for your accommodation and food."

Neris was surprised at how little she would have each week and her feelings must have shown on her face, because Mistress Falen laughed humourlessly.

"Not a lot of money, but then, there's nothing much to spend it on here!"

There was a knock at the door, and at the Housekeeper's "Come in," a young man put his head round the door and said, "Where do you want the chest?"

"Come along, girl, I'll take you to your room," Mistress Falen said briskly and instructed the man to bring the chest.

She set off down the passage, followed by Neris and the man carrying her chest. They went up several flights of stairs until they reached the top floor of the house. There was a narrow corridor, with various doors on either side. Mistress Falen led them right to the end and opened a door.

Neris found herself in a small, airless room, filled by four beds, with little room to move around them. There was a shelf over each bed and a tiny chest of drawers next to it. Three of the beds were made up and there were objects on the shelves above them and things stacked on the chests of drawers. There was one small window, framed by heavy curtains.

"You'll share with the other junior servants." Mistress Falen pointed to the fourth bed, which had a large bundle in the middle of it. "That's yours. Make up the bed before you start to unpack your chest. You will need to store it under the bed, there's no room anywhere else. You have an hour to unpack, then come to my room and I'll take you to the kitchens."

With that, the Housekeeper left Neris alone. She looked at the bed. It was old and showed years of use. She pressed the mattress. It was firm, but not lumpy. She undid the bundle and found two sheets, a thick blanket, a pillow, a pillowcase and a bedspread. All were clean, but well worn. Neris felt a sudden longing for her own room, with its pretty furniture and crisp sheets and fresh-smelling blankets. _Well, there's no use in thinking about that_. she thought to herself and began to make up the bed.

Next, she turned her attention to the chest. She remembered the short frantic visit home to collect her things. The silent servant had gone with her and watched as Neris chose the things to fit into the chest. There was no room to take everything, so she had chosen items with care. She managed to fit in her blue cloak and skirt, along with some shirts and a second skirt. There was room too for Lorlen's scarf, as well as everything she had of Akkarin. She had changed into a fresh uniform, and her newest and best pair of shoes. After that, it was a question of squeezing in any extras until the chest was completely filled.

Now, Neris opened the lid and wondered where she was going to put it all. There didn't seem to be anywhere to hang her clothes, so they would have to stay in the chest, along with her gifts from Akkarin. She arranged a few ornaments on the shelf and placed her hairbrush and comb on the chest of drawers. She looked at the other servants' possessions but they gave no clue as to the sort of girl they belonged to. Most of the things were country-made objects and all showed a lot of use. It was obvious that Neris had arrived at a poor community.

She wondered what the magicians were like and how many of them there were. The house was a large one, so it was possible there were up to a dozen magicians and their servants living here. She hoped they were friendlier than the Housekeeper.

She found her way back to the Housekeeper's room, once her hour was up, and knocked on the door. At Mistress Falen's call, she entered and stood respectfully in front of the desk. The Housekeeper looked up from the letter she was studying.

"Mistress Harban writes well of your work. She says you are quick and efficient and a good worker. I'm pleased to hear that. There's a lot of work to be done here. There are only five magicians living here, but Lord Tommen, our Chief Magician, spends a lot of his money and time looking after poor people. There's a lot of food to be prepared every day which has to be distributed and so on. You will find your days full with plenty to keep your mind off other things."

The Housekeeper paused meaningfully and Neris knew she viewed her latest servant with strong misgivings. _Perhaps Lord Tommen is a handsome fellow and she thinks I will try to seduce him! _

"You will need an apron." The Housekeeper pulled open a drawer and took out a folded piece of material. It was bright green, a sign that she was a Healer's servant, a rather cheerful colour which would brighten up Neris's drab servant's dress. She fastened it around her waist and followed her mistress to the kitchens ready to begin.

_She had been right about the hard work_, Neris thought. She had been made to start at the bottom, as a kitchen and laundry maid, with all the nasty jobs the other servants didn't want to do. It took her nearly three years of hard work to begin to rise in the ranks and almost twelve years after that to become the Community's Housekeeper. She supposed she was happy in a way. Lord Tommen had turned out to be a kind friend and the various other magicians who had come and gone over the years had mostly been easy to deal with.

Through the years, she frequently thought about Akkarin, wondering what he was doing and if he ever thought of her. Once she got her own room, after her day's work was done, she often sat holding the carved box, reading the scraps of notes she'd kept, running her fingers over his strong flowing script, hearing his voice in her head and visualising his face. The news that he'd been elected High Lord did not surprise her for she remembered his ambition and his dedication to achieving what he wanted. Part of her hoped against hope he would send for her, but she wasn't surprised when the years passed and nothing happened. Now he was here, in the same building, and she simply couldn't believe it.

Neris went to examine her face in the mirror. Her eyes had not swollen very much and if you didn't look too closely at them, the redness didn't notice. She unpinned her hair, brushed it and remade her bun. There was still some time before she was needed, so she splashed some cold water on her face, dried it, smoothed her skirt and set out for the garden. A good dose of fresh air would be just the thing before the long evening ahead.


	19. A Conversation in a Garden

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**A Conversation in a Garden**

Neris took great pleasure in her garden. When she first arrived, the garden at the rear of the Magicians' House had been an expanse of grass with a few lonely straggling bushes. The flower borders had been left to themselves and were a tangled mass of flowers, weeds and brambles. Lord Tommen didn't allow his gardener to work in mere decorative areas, no; the gardener's time was taken up with the vegetable patch, which produced food for the magicians' table as well as for the poorest villagers.

She had been very emotional during her first days and weeks at Cluniton; resentful at being torn away from everything which was familiar to her, desperately sad to have been parted from Akkarin, miserable with the work she'd been given, but above all, angry at the way she'd been treated by the Guild. Although she tried to hide her true feelings behind a servant's dutiful mask, something must have been obvious to Lord Tommen, because a few days after she arrived, he called her into his study.

He had spoken to her kindly and, although he never said so, Neris thought he knew the whole story behind the reason for her arrival. He spoke of his work in the local area, the hardship of the people and how all the magicians in the Community worked to make their lives a little easier. He encouraged Neris to talk about herself and her family and the work she'd done at the Guild and at the end of the conversation, Neris discovered she felt a little better about things.

One of the things Lord Tommen had discovered was Neris's love of gardens and he suggested that she could spend any free time when she had nothing better to do in working on the gardens around the house. Over the years, she had cleaned up the flower borders, planted new flowers and some fruit trees, and gradually turned a once barren area into a peaceful and pretty garden.

Now, she sat down on a wooden bench and looked over the profusion of colour she'd created. She remembered how long ago she'd envied the magicians in Imardin their garden, which servants couldn't enter. _Well, I have my own now_, she thought. She remembered how the other servants had thought her mad to spend her free time in physical work such as gardening. They were all for lazing their free time away and couldn't understand just how invigorating Neris found the rhythm of the seasons, each with its own tasks to perform and pleasures to receive.

"Neris?"

She started, she had been so lost in her thoughts, she hadn't heard him arrive. She turned to look at Akkarin, who was standing alongside the bench. He had taken off his robes and was wearing plain black trousers and a crisp white shirt with a long, black sleeveless jacket. She had never seen him dressed without robes before and she found the experience slightly disturbing. It was almost as if he were no longer a magician, but just an ordinary man. She noticed his long hair was tied back in an unusual style. She thought how much it suited him, much better than the loose mop he'd worn as a novice. He smiled at her.

"May I sit down?" His voice was soft and courteous, but she could hear a thread of uncertainty in it.

She jumped to her feet, how did one behave when the High Lord was standing in a garden in the middle of nowhere? There must have been a lesson on what to do somewhere in her past.

"Of course, High Lord." She made an awkward bow.

"Please don't call me that, Neris," he said. "It's Akkarin, remember?"

Somehow, they found themselves sitting side-by-side, staring at each other. Neris wondered again at how little he'd changed. _He couldn't say the same about me_, she thought ruefully. An awkward silence reigned between them. There was so much she wanted to say, but Neris found her throat was dry and the words wouldn't come.

"How did you know where I was?" she managed, eventually.

"Tommen told me," he replied. "He said you spent a lot of time here, alone."

"I've always loved gardens."

"I remember."

Silence returned once more. They were still staring at one another and Neris felt once more the power of those bottomless black eyes. They seemed to see right inside her. She could feel colour creep over her face and tore her attention away from him and stared at a rose bush instead.

"You are still the same, Neris," he said softly, "I would know you anywhere."

"It's been a long time, Akkarin, but I've always remembered you." Unconsciously, her hand reached for the gold pendant hidden beneath her shirt and she clutched it through the material.

She heard him sigh and glanced over at him. He was staring down at his hands, his face pale and expressionless. Without looking at her, he began to speak.

"I really loved you, Neris but I betrayed you all the same. Caton gave me a choice, I could save you and lose my future in the Guild, or I could choose to put myself first. You know the choice I made and I'm sorry for it, but that wouldn't stop me doing the same thing again. You know how I feel about magic and the power it brings. The centre of that power is the Guild; I couldn't give it up for the Prince, and I couldn't give it up for you."

He looked up at her, "I expect you hate me for what I did, and I wouldn't blame you. I promised I would look after you, and the first chance I got to prove my words, I failed to live up to them."

He paused for a moment, then went on, "Caton wouldn't let me go to your hearing. He took pleasure in telling me how you said I couldn't have written those things, and how you looked when you saw my writing. Afterwards, they told me you'd been sent out of the Guild, cast off into the world with nothing. I tried to find you, but there was no trace anywhere. No one had seen you. No one knew where you'd gone." He paused, "I even went to find your mother, but she'd gone away too."

"She couldn't stand the disgrace. First my brother and then me." Neris said. "I wrote to her, but never got an answer. I don't know where she's gone. I never saw her again."

"I need to know what life has been like for you. Will you let me?"

She nodded, uncertain exactly what he was asking.

"Give me your hand."

She held it out and he took with his left, while he placed his right hand against her temple. There was a momentary tingling feeling and suddenly Neris had the impression she could see him with her mind's eye, a small, still, distant figure somewhere inside her head. As she watched, he began sorting through her memories. They spun through his hands faster and faster, like so many coloured paintings. _So this is what it's like to have a magician read your mind,_ part of her brain thought slowly. _It doesn't hurt at all_.

As suddenly as he'd entered, he left her mind, his mental image disappearing in an instant. His hand dropped away from her head, and he looked down, his eyes closed. An expression, too swift to be identified, passed across his face. After a moment, he looked at her again.

"I failed you so badly, Neris and you suffered for it. I can see that clearly. None of it was your fault. I should have looked after you better." She could hear the regret clearly in his voice.

"I've never hated you, Akkarin, how could I?" she said quietly. "I confess that sometimes, when I first arrived here, I wondered if what Lord Caton had said was true, that somehow I had seduced an unwilling novice, but I soon realised that you had been forced, by some means, to write those things."

It was her turn to pause. She looked out into the garden and continued softly, "For a long time, I thought you'd find me and come to take me away from here, but after a few years, I knew that would never happen."

"I left the Guild soon after I graduated because I couldn't bear to see Caton smirking every time he saw me, and," he looked at her and smiled suddenly, "I missed seeing you. I went away looking for adventure but found lots of other, less pleasant, things instead. By the time I got back to Imardin, I'd convinced myself that you had made a new life for yourself somewhere and were happily living with a family of your own."

Neris looked at him, he was again staring at his hands, almost as if he was unable to face her. She remembered her fifteen-year-old self, a girl overawed by magicians and their powers, full of a desire to serve them, as a good Guild Servant should. After seventeen years of living in a small community of magicians and servants, she knew they were not the gods of her youth, but merely men and women who had a special talent. Even Akkarin, whom she adored still, despite what had happened, was simply a man with all the failings of one.

Suddenly, she felt the older and wiser of the two of them. She reached over and took his hand, then thought better of it and dropped it hurriedly. It would never do for anyone to see her hold the High Lord's hand. He looked up at her quizzically, the ghost of that old familiar crooked smile appeared fleetingly on his lips.

She smiled at him warmly, the open, sincere smile which had captivated him so long ago, "I'm so happy to see you again, I truly am. I never thought I would, you know. When I heard you had become High Lord, I wished I might go to Imardin again, just to see you there, in the Guild, ruling them all."

"Of course you can come to Imardin!" he said quickly. "I was going to suggest it. You should be back at the Guild, not stuck out here away from civilisation."

"It's kind of you to say that, Akkarin, but I am forbidden to return…"

"That will be changed," he interrupted. "If I say you are to return, you will return." She could hear the note of command in his voice. "They've all gone now, the people who sent you here. There's no one left who remembers you, so there's nothing to be afraid of. I sent Caton to the Northern Fort the year I became High Lord." There was great satisfaction in his voice as he spoke about his hated Novice Master's fate. "He pleaded with me at first, but soon learned there would be no mercy from me. He died when the fort was attacked."

Neris felt her heart start to beat loudly in her chest. To be able to go home, after all the years of exile, it was a dream she'd had from the first day she'd arrived in Cluniton. She remembered the market, with its hustle and bustle, the cries of the stallholders, the busy comings and goings; all so very different from the sleepy backwater of Cluniton. She remembered the vastness of the Guild, its lovely old buildings, the crowds of magicians and servants, the place itself so full of life.

She turned to Akkarin, a growing smile on her face, but as she looked into his eyes, her smile slowly faded. She couldn't go back, there was nothing to go back for. The life she'd imagined when she was young could never be hers. There would be no future with Akkarin. And what of Lord Tommen? He was old, even for a magician. He needed her to keep his house in order and look after his Community.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Akkarin forestalled her.

"I can read your surface thoughts, Neris. I know what you will say." He paused, then said earnestly, "You don't have to decide now. There may come a time, when you are not needed so much here, and when that day comes, you will be more than welcome to come back to the Guild. There will be a place for you, I promise."

"Thank you, Akkarin. You know me so well," she smiled up at him. "I promise I will come one day, but for now I must look after Lord Tommen. He needs me." _And you do not_, her unspoken thought echoed in her mind.

He smiled, "Perhaps more than you think."


	20. An Unusual Conversation

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

An Unusual Conversation

Last night's formal dinner had gone well. It had taken a lot of work to prepare and the dining table conversations went on for a long time, so it was late by the time Neris went to bed. Although exhausted, she had been unable to sleep, spending the night tossing and turning, trying every way she knew just to fall asleep, but to no avail. Her mind simply wouldn't let her stop going over everything that had happened.

Neris had taken her place in her usual corner, keeping an eye on the servers, indicating with a raise of an eyebrow or a quick nod, who needed serving next, whose wine glass needed replenishing and which guest needed a fresh plate, stepping in where necessary to keep things moving smoothly. Her servants all worked well, as she knew they would, after all the training she had organised. _Floretta would have been proud_, she thought sadly.

She took every opportunity to observe 'her novices' and the way they behaved with the 'country magicians'. Despite the passage of time, and their current high status, she still tended to think of them as the young novices she had cared for, so watching them control the conversation, taking trouble to ensure the local magicians were not over-awed by having the most important members of the Guild at their dining table, was indeed fascinating.

She saw how Lorlen used his merry smile to encourage shy Lord Stepan to talk about his work. As the only Alchemist, Lord Stepan had few interested listeners most of the time and she could see he was taking the opportunity of a willing audience to expound on some of his more unusual theories. She had snatched a few words with Lorlen earlier in the day. He had grinned at her and said that she must have been surprised to find he had become Administrator of the Guild.

"I'll wager you never thought to see that untidy clot of a novice Lorlen dealing with hundreds of pieces of paper and controlling it all without losing anything!" His clear green eyes twinkled into hers.

She smiled back at him, "Never! I think you were the untidiest novice I ever saw."

"Well, all those little lectures you used to give me on how keeping things in order would make it easier to find what I wanted must have paid off. Now I find I rather like paperwork and I am very good at it too!" He winked conspiratorially at her and went on his way. She had watched him disappear down the corridor, a fond smile on her face. She'd always liked Lorlen and was pleased to see that high office hadn't changed him at all.

Across the table, the High Lord was deep in conversation with Lord Tommen, listening carefully and taking care to encourage the old magician to talk about the problems faced by the local community and what the Guild could do to make life easier. He had an easy manner in public, so unlike his younger, moodier self, which surprised her a little, although she supposed that without it, his task as High Lord would have been well nigh impossible.

Earlier, Neris had watched with amusement as Lady Marigold, seated next to him, tried to capture Akkarin's undivided attention. The young Healer was obviously charmed by the High Lord and, despite the presence of Akkarin's wife, she tried a variety of ways to flatter and flirt with him, but without success. Neris admired the calm way Akkarin politely deflected all her little teases. Halfway through the meal, she had obviously realised the futility of her attempts and had switched her attention one of the magicians accompanying Akkarin, and there, her charm was definitely working as her dinner companion hung on her every word.

Sonea sat at the other end of the long table, surrounded by the Warriors. They were enjoying a vigorous conversation, with plenty of hand gestures and quick movements of glasses and cutlery around the table, probably illustrating their favourite ways of defeating an opponent, judging by Neris's knowledge of Warriors; all they seemed to want to talk about was fighting and tactics.

She was curious about Akkarin's wife. She was very young, not much more than twenty or so, the Housekeeper thought, and it was difficult to see at first glance what had attracted the High Lord to her. She didn't appear to be a great beauty, although she was pretty enough, and Neris didn't know her sufficiently well to judge her character. The Community had all heard the gossip; how Sonea had been the High Lord's Novice for some years, living with his household in the Residence and how he had married her the day she had graduated. Even living so far away from the Guild, the magicians at Cluniton had heard of the scandal this had caused and there had been much speculation as to the reasons. Later on they had heard of the battle against the foreign magicians who had tried to destroy the Guild and how Sonea had been badly injured. She had recovered well, it seemed, as there was now a nursery in the Residence.

As Neris glanced again at Akkarin's wife, she was disconcerted to find Sonea's eyes fixed on her. The Warrior had a clear, direct gaze, and Neris had the feeling that she was probably as good at reading minds as her husband. She felt the colour rise in her cheeks and looked away quickly. A few moments later, she risked another glance only to find Sonea was still staring at her, but this time, she smiled slightly at the Housekeeper before turning towards Lord Igrond, who was earnestly trying to attract her attention.

Neris mentally breathed a sigh of relief to be free of scrutiny and looked at the other end of the table only to find Akkarin staring at her. She wondered if his wife had sent a mental message about her, but there was no clue in Akkarin's expression. Lord Tommen was talking enthusiastically about some project and after a moment, the High Lord dropped his gaze to concentrate on what his dinner companion was saying.

Perhaps it was being the focus of attention by the High Lord and his wife which set her mind awhirl and prevented sleep from coming. Whatever it was, Neris was increasingly frustrated by her restlessness and decided to rise early. The sun was just starting to lighten the sky as she washed and dressed quietly so as not to disturb servants in nearby rooms. She went to her window and drew back the curtains to take her customary first look over her garden to the mountains beyond. This morning, she was surprised to see a small scarlet clad figure sitting on the bench watching the arrival of dawn. As surely as if she had received a written message, Neris knew that it was Lady Sonea and she was waiting for the Housekeeper.

She let herself quietly out of the house and walked along the path towards the bench. Lady Sonea looked up as she approached. "Good morning Mistress Neris," she said formally.

"Good morning Lady Sonea," Neris was equally formal.

Akkarin's wife patted the bench next to her, "Sit down, Neris, I wanted to have a little talk with you, just the two of us, all alone."

Neris felt her heart give a lurch, _What could she possibly want to talk to me about? _ She became aware that Sonea had taken hold of her hand and suddenly she saw a misty scarlet shape floating in her mind, sorting through her memories. She tried to pull her hand away, angry at the invasion, but the slender Warrior was surprisingly strong. After a few moments, the figure faded from her mind and Sonea dropped her hand.

"I'm sorry, Neris, I shouldn't have done that, but I had to know something before I said what I want to say."

Her voice sounded so sincere and apologetic that Neris, who had half risen, intending to leave, sank back down on the bench. It was a forbidden thing to read someone's mind without consent, so Sonea's reasons must have been compelling. She waited for the Warrior to continue.

"When I first fell in love with the High Lord, I really knew very little about his life. I lived in his house, but he was a difficult person to get to know."

Sonea paused for a moment, gazing, unseeing at a patch of little blue flowers. Neris was taken by surprise, of all the things she had thought Sonea might say, a discussion about her private life was not one of them.

"He was much older than me and I wondered about his past and the women he had loved. Eventually, I had to know who these women were. I was jealous of them, you see!" She looked at Neris, a warm smile on her face, "It was only natural really, to want to know everything about the man you loved."

She went on, "Eventually he told me that he had loved a girl when he was a novice. Then later on, there had been another girl, but she died. Then there was me, so only three women in his life! I found it hard to believe at first. He's a handsome man and a lot of female novices set out to capture his attention in one way or another; then there were the nobles from the Houses, all trying to marry him off to one of their daughters or sisters, so it was difficult to believe that he hadn't taken advantage of the many women throwing themselves at him."

Sonea paused again. Neris was at a loss, she couldn't see where the conversation was leading. That the Warrior wanted something, Neris had no doubt, but for the moment, she couldn't even start to image what it would be.

Sonea gave a tinkling laugh, "You are so easy to read, Neris! All will become clear soon. Now I had an answer to my question, but I wasn't satisfied. Why only two before me? I had to keep pressing him to tell me everything."

Sonea looked down for a moment, before continuing, "Akkarin is a man with many secrets and he knows how to keep them, so it took a long time before I knew it all. He told me about the betrayal of his first love and his failure to prevent the death of his second. After that, he'd promised himself never to fall in love again. He kept that vow for years."

"And yet, there's you, his third love," Neris said softly. "What changed his mind?"

Sonea's musical laughter rang out, "In the end, I did, but it was very hard work and he resisted me for a long time. You are wondering why I'm telling you all this, aren't you?"

Neris nodded, "You have to admit it is an unusual conversation, and one I never expected to have."

Sonea's expression became serious, "The High Lord has led a dangerous life and a lonely one. There were strong and compelling reasons for this, which I cannot reveal, but it meant he lived a life deliberately isolated from those who might have been close companions, people he could trust and rely on. Once I had found out what had happened to the women he'd loved, I began to understand part of the reason for this self-isolation. The events, which led to your betrayal and her death left deep scars, which constantly reminded him of his failure to protect two people he should have saved. He never wanted to be so vulnerable again."

Sonea rose and took a few steps, staring at the dawn sky. Neris thought she heard her mutter something under her breath. After a moment's contemplation, Sonea returned to the bench.

"You said this was an unusual conversation, and you're right. I want you to do something for Akkarin. I want you to tell him you forgive him."

Neris's mouth dropped open in surprise at Sonea's completely unexpected request.

"There's nothing to forgive him for," she burst out, "It was not his fault, what happened, there was nothing he could have done expect destroy everything he'd worked for over the years. I was only a servant, a nobody, it wasn't as if he'd have married me…" She stopped suddenly, aware that she was speaking to the woman he had married, a dwell, someone from the lowest social class, despised even by Guild Servants.

Sonea smiled briefly and reached over to take Neris's hand. "Don't you understand yet? Akkarin didn't love you because you were a servant he could use and discard, it was because he saw something in you worth loving. It didn't matter to him what rank you were. It was the same with me, once he decided he loved me, it didn't matter I was a dwell. He's carried the scars of what Caton forced him to do ever since. All these years, he hasn't known what happened to you and now he does, he blames himself for the way you were treated, the way you were exiled from everything you had known and left here to sink or swim, with no one to know or care."

"There's nothing to forgive," Neris repeated, increasingly uncomfortable with the conversation. "I think Akkarin understands that. We talked and he understands I don't blame him for what happened."

A wide smile appeared on Sonea's face, "You've spoken to Akkarin? I didn't know that! Then you will come to Imardin?"

"I can't," she replied baldly. "It's not just a case of packing my things and going off into the sunset, leaving everyone here to carry on the best they can. I have responsibilities, obligations I owe to people. I can't just leave."

Sonea looked downcast at Neris's words and in that moment, Neris realised how truly young and impulsive she was.

"Akkarin has already asked me to come back, but I told him I couldn't leave Lord Tommen. He has been very kind to me, almost fatherly at times, and it wouldn't be right to just walk away." Neris paused, remembering, and then asked, "Why is it so important to you that I return to Imardin?"

For a moment, she thought Sonea wouldn't answer, but then she said softly, "I want to surround Akkarin with the people who care for him, so that he never feels so alone again."

Neris couldn't think of anything to say to that and Sonea went on, "I know you care for him, I saw it clearly in your mind, so there's no point in denying it."

She turned impulsively towards Neris, "Your place is in the Guild, where you were always meant to be, not out here in the back of beyond. Oh, I understand about your Lord Tommen," she said quickly as Neris started to interrupt, "But there will be a time when your presence will not be so crucial, and then you will come, won't you?"

Neris smiled inwardly. _Who would have thought that the High Lord and his wife would both have said similar things to her?_ _Or that both of them wanted her to return to the Guild._

"I can only say to you what I said to Akkarin," she said, "I will come one day, when I am no longer needed here."

Sonea jumped up and pulled Neris to her feet, she flung her arms around the housekeeper and said, "I'm so pleased, Neris, I'm so pleased."

Throughout the High Lord's visit to Cluniton, one thing had been picking away at Neris's thoughts, so she asked the question, "Did Akkarin know before he came, that I would be here?"

"No, he was extremely surprised to find you as the Housekeeper here, after what he'd been told. He was very happy to find you again. He told me that same evening who you were."

The sun was fully risen now, and Neris had duties to perform. She began to make her excuses to Sonea, but before she could take her leave, the Warrior caught her arm.

"I have a keepsake for you," she said. "Akkarin will give you his later, but this is one from me."

She held out a small package, "Don't open it until I've gone in!" And with that she passed over the gift and moved off quickly. Neris gazed down at the package, her mind instantly returning to the time in the forest when Akkarin had first given her a present. She undid the wrappings and found a small velvet bag. She opened it and two small gold earrings fell out on to her palm. They were miniature versions of the gold disk Akkarin had given her so long ago.

_How did she know? _Neris wondered. Then she shrugged. _Magicians!_


	21. Epilogue

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

**Epilogue**

Neris balanced the tray on one hand, while she used the other to tap softly at the door. Hearing the quiet invitation to come in, she entered Lord Tommen's cluttered study. As usual, he was seated behind his document-strewn desk reading through some papers and making notes in his ledgers. He looked up with a cheerful smile and said, "Just what I wanted, a nice, hot cup of tea."

He got up and walked stiffly over to his favourite chair by the fire and sank into its depths. Neris carefully placed the tray on a side table next to him and poured the tea. He took it and sipped gratefully.

"Do join me," he said, just as he did every time, and pointed to the other fireside chair.

Neris poured her own cup and sat down. She looked over at Lord Tommen and thought he looked exactly how a young child would imagine a magician to look. He was very old, with shoulder-length silver grey hair. His thin face was wrinkled and his brown eyes were faded. He only lacked the long white beard, which was a necessary attribute for all magicians in children's stories. They had been sharing a pot of tea every afternoon since she'd become Housekeeper and she frequently found herself looking forward to the time spent alone with the old magician. He was a gentle man and conveyed an air of calm, no matter how fraught things were and that calmness always soothed Neris.

They sat companionably for a while, sipping their tea and silently watching the flames. It was quiet in the house, now that the High Lord and his entourage had gone. They had left mid-morning and Neris, along with all the magicians and servants, had gone outside to see them off.

The High Lord, keeping to the colour of his rank, rode a jet-black horse and as he swung himself up into the saddle, Neris was suddenly reminded of the time he had rescued her on the road back to the Guild. She remembered the closeness of his body as he rode behind her into the forest, his arms reaching round her to hold the reins. She looked up at him just at the precise moment he looked down and caught his gaze. To her surprise, he winked at her as his lips curved into his crooked smile, and she knew he'd remembered the two of them on his horse.

Lorlen came over to her, leading his own mount, "You've looked after us well, Neris, as usual," he said, "It was really good to see you again. I'll know where to come if I need a Housekeeper." He dropped his voice and whispered, "You're a great improvement over my current Housekeeper, she's a real old dragon! I must do something about that….."

Neris laughed, it was so good to laugh with Lorlen again after all these years. She watched him settle into the saddle, taking a moment to calm the animal, he'd never been the accomplished rider that Akkarin was and his horse seemed to know it.

Sonea was riding a pretty little dun mare, which she managed with ease. She trotted over to the High Lord's side and the rest of his party lined up behind them. There was a further moment of last minute farewells to their hosts and then they were off down the long straight road leading out of the village. The magicians and servants stayed clustered around their gate until the High Lord's party were out of sight and only a faint cloud of dust in the distance indicated where they were.

There was a sense of emptiness among the people left behind. For a few days, they had been at the centre of things, everything hustling and bustling around them, a bit of excitement in their humdrum lives, and now that was over. The High Lord had gone and life in Cluniton would return to its normal slow, quiet, rather dull self.

Now, in the peace and tranquillity of Lord Tommen's study, Neris tried to decide how she felt. She'd had the advantage, knowing that Akkarin was coming, whereas he had had no idea she would be here. All the weeks of anticipation after they'd received news of his coming and now, it was all over in a few days. She sighed. _Will I see him again?_

"He's turned out well, your young man, Neris."

Lord Tommen's voice recalled her to the present. She heard his words first, without understanding their meaning, then when her mind repeated his words, she felt herself grow pale.

"My young man, Lord Tommen?" she asked hesitantly.

The old magician smiled his gentle smile and reached over to pat her hand.

"Yes, your young man, Neris. The one you got into trouble over, the High Lord."

There was no way she could deny it, he would know if she were lying. Magicians could tell, she knew that for certain now.

"How long have you known?" she asked.

"Let's have another cup of tea and I'll tell you all about it."

She rose and poured the tea, belatedly noticing there was cake to go with it. She cut a thick slice for Lord Tommen, it was his favourite, and took a small slice for herself. After she'd sat down again, the Healer began his tale.

"A day or so after you arrived here, I received a private letter from Mistress Harban. She and I knew each other quite well from the time when I lived in the Guild. Anyway, she was very upset over what had happened and wanted me to understand that you weren't a wicked person, just a young girl enjoying her first love affair who'd been caught by people who were looking for a way to punish you both. She told me everything, including the name of the novice involved. She explained she'd sent you here to me, instead of expelling you, and you'd have to spend a few years here, then she hoped you would come back to Imardin and continue your career. She had high hopes for you, that you would become someone of consequence, but unfortunately she died before she could organise your return and as no one knew of her plan, here you still are, seventeen years later."

"Does anyone else here know?" she asked anxiously. She couldn't bear it if others knew of her disgrace.

"My Housekeeper, Falen, knew the reason, but not who was involved. I was the only one with the full story and I've told no one. I think Harban blamed herself for sending you to work with the novices. She felt responsible and although she couldn't prevent the actions of Mistress Mina and the Novice Master, she did her best to try to salvage some sort of future for you. It was only her death which prevented your recall to Imardin."

Neris hadn't known just how much she owed to Mistress Harban. All these years, she had resented her equally with Mina and Caton, but now she could appreciate just what she'd tried to do. It was hard now, to even remember clearly what she looked like. All Neris retained was the vague image of an old, white-haired woman. She looked up at Lord Tommen.

"I understand, now, why you were so kind to me when I first arrived here," she said with a smile. "You were the only one who bothered to talk to me and then, giving me the garden to work on, I think that was the only thing which kept me sane in those first years."

The old magician seemed to lose himself in thought for a moment, then said, "I knew exactly what you were going through. When I lost my wife and child, I thought the world had ended and there was nothing left for me. I was young then and couldn't imagine a life without them, but fate had other ideas, and here I am still, scores of years later, still living, still carrying on with my work. I knew you needed something to work on and the garden needed some attention." He laughed, "It was a good thing you liked gardens, otherwise I don't know what I would have found for you to have for your own!"

Neris replenished their teacups and cut the Healer another slice of cake. He took it eagerly, _He does love his sweet treats_, she thought fondly. _He's just like a child when there's cake about._

"How do you feel, now that you've seen him again?"

Lord Tommen's voice was soft and Neris barely heard him. She didn't answer straight away because she'd been puzzling over that exact same thing since the High Lord arrived. She tried to put her chaotic thoughts in some sort of order.

"We were very young when it happened, and simply lost in the wonder of being together. It was a time full of exploration and discovery with opportunities for indulgence in simple physical pleasures. I suppose neither of us really thought beyond the moment." She stopped speaking, lost in her memories before continuing, "Then it stopped, suddenly. We were cut off from each other as if an axe had severed our heads from our bodies. I never saw Akkarin again until a few days ago. There was no time for farewells, no final messages, nothing….."

Her voice died away. She was half aware that Lord Tommen had gone to fetch something from his cupboard. The next thing she knew a glass of wine was being pressed into her hand.

"Drink this," he said softly, "I used to find it helps with memories."

She sipped at the rosy liquid, relishing the slightly sweet taste on her tongue.

"All the years since, whenever I felt lonely or sad, I would remember all the times we had together. I would fall asleep picturing him in my mind, trying to remember each and every word we ever said to each other. I was so afraid I would forget."

"Perhaps if you'd been able to continue your affair, things would have run their natural course. You, or he, might have decided to end things. You might have found someone else. He might have been sent away after graduation. Any of these might have led to a natural ending, unhappiness for a time, then you'd move on. The way things happened to you meant you never had this…."

Neris smiled at the old magician, "Yes, that's exactly it! I felt frozen in time, waiting for something to happen, always waiting, but nothing changed."

"And now," the old magician repeated, "How do you feel, now that you've seen him again?"

Neris was silent for a moment, then she said, a thread of surprise in her voice, "I feel so much better. You're right, he has turned out well. All the fears he had as a novice that he would not succeed, be the strongest and the best, they've all been laid to rest. He is the most powerful magician in Kyralia, he has succeeded in what he set out to do. And, as well as all that, he never forgot me!" She couldn't quite keep a note of pride from her voice as she said the last few words.

"He told me he'd asked you to return to Imardin, but that you said you wouldn't leave me." Lord Tommen looked quizzically at her, "Is that what you truly want to do?"

Neris's gaze was fond, as she looked over at him, "Yes," she said softly, "It wouldn't be right to just walk away. Once I dreamed of a future with Akkarin, but that has never really been possible. Servants and magicians don't live happily ever after."

"The High Lord married a dwell," Lord Tommen pointed out.

"Yes, but she's a magician, not an ordinary dwell. I have no magic, I would always have been 'the servant'. Do you think a magician married to a servant would have become the High Lord? No, he would not! Anyway, the High Lord has another life, a wife and family, he has moved on. There's no place for me in his life."

"But you still care for him." It wasn't a question, more of a statement.

"Yes, I do care for him very much, and I think I always will, but not in the same way as I did when I first knew him. Seeing him again has made me realise that…"

"From the things he said to me, he cares about you, too, Neris. Like you, not quite in the same way as when you were young, but he does really care what happens to you. He would like you to end your exile and return to your home."

_And I have longed to do just that all these years_, she thought. _Yet, it seems to me that for the moment, Cluniton is my home. _She said softly, "One day, I shall return, but for the time being, here is where I need to be."

Lord Tommen put down his cup and smiled at her, "I must confess I'm selfish enough to be glad you want to stay. You look after me and the others so well. You're a kind and generous girl, Neris…"

She couldn't prevent a sudden pang of bitterness. _Kind and generous, they all say that! Surely there's more to me than merely kind and generous….._

Lord Tommen was still speaking and she made an effort to concentrate on what he was saying.

" …and I've often thought that perhaps, if my child had lived, she would have been like you."

Neris felt the tears spring to her eyes. Lord Tommen rarely spoke about his lost family. She had never even known the child was a girl before today and she was overwhelmed with affection for the old man. She got up and sank to her knees next to his chair. She took his hand and laid her head upon it. She felt his other hand gently pat her head.

"Now, now, Neris," she heard him say anxiously, "I didn't mean to upset you. Come along, now, stop crying….."

She raised her head and looked at him, smiling through her tears, "I can never repay all the kindnesses you have shown me. I will stay here with you for as long as you need me."

He smiled at her awkwardly and she could see he was a little embarrassed at her outpouring of emotion. He patted her again and she got up to return to her chair. Silence fell between them as calm once more descended on Lord Tommen's study.

The End

I hope you have enjoyed reading my attempt to cast a little light on what might have been Akkarin's early life. I have enjoyed writing this story and I intend to write another one soon. Thanks for reading!


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